The following was written as a part of an application for a small-business loan by a group of developers
in the city of Monroe.
"A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. Currently, the nearest jazz
club is 65 miles away; thus, the proposed new jazz club in Monroe, the C-Note, would have the local
market all to itself. Plus, jazz is extremely popular in Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe's
annual jazz festival last summer; several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe; and the highest-rated
radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight at 7 P.M. Finally, a nationwide
study indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and
explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
The memo argues that a new spot for jazz music can provide a surge of benefits for the club. To endorse this thesis, three postulations have been proposed. 1) The existence of eminent and well-experienced in jazz music in that realm 2) the presence of annual ceremony for jazz music and 3) the subsistence of one famous radio program executes its programs. Close scrutiny each of these facts divulges that none of them seem plausible.
A threshold problem with the statement involves the existence of luminous persons in the jazz province to reinforce the total emolument of the club. In fact, the text just considers the dimension of this issue from regarding the famous persons and specialists in jazz music only can play as a stimulus for persons to attend a jazz club. However, the importance of equipment and amenities to enchant every viewer has not been specified as one of determining factors in actualizing the success in running a new business. To shed more light on this issue, the better facilities and cutting-edge utilities, the more penchant and inclination of allegiances will appear even if no experts exist. Here, the priority of equipment than the famous musician can be sensed.
Even assuming that because the annual jazz festival has been held every summer as another reason to advocate and assure the profit of the club cannot be tenable. Since the annual festival may be held for other reasons such as charity to lend helping hands to destitute persons or boosting the awareness of individuals residing in that region about assorted styles of music even without receiving any money. Thus, based on this explanation, the scrivener omits the predominance of such festivals in social activities or broadening people’s knowledge to revere this style of music as similar to other genres. Simply stated, in spite of augmenting the status of the jazz music with the help of the festival, there is not any assurance that this approach can provide a plethora of currency for the club founders. As a result, will the role of festival vigorously affirm the total revenue of the club’s owners?
Nor does the mere fact that one inveterate radio program in that place can contribute to propagating this type of music among the denizens. To delineate, such radio programs may subsume specific programs to disseminate other information apart from music among the persons. To clarify, this radio program may be a kind of political or economic intentions, completely deviate from music ambiance which the author disregards this issue about the role of this radio program. Hence, the subsistence of such radio programs cannot substantiate the high income by inaugurating such club in this zone. Thus, rarely does this radio program engender the sufficient ambiance for the jazz club to advertise and increment its profit from this method.
In sum, the argument is logically blemished and therefore indefensible as it stands. To bolster the recommendation, the writer should insert the role of other aspects of one radio program in that new area, as well as, the significance of well-equipped environment accompanied by the experienced persons in jazz music cannot be ignored. Ultimately, the jazz fate may serve as other intentions different from promulgating the genre of jazz among the ordinary persons.
(540 words) Score: (5/6)
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 355, Rule ID: CLOSE_SCRUTINY[1]
Message: Use simply 'scrutiny'.
Suggestion: Scrutiny
...us radio program executes its programs. Close scrutiny each of these facts divulges that none ...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 6, column 10, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...z among the ordinary persons. 540 words Score: 5/6
^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
but, hence, however, if, may, regarding, so, therefore, thus, well, apart from, in fact, kind of, such as, as a result, as well as, in spite of
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 10.0 19.6327345309 51% => More to be verbs wanted.
Auxiliary verbs: 15.0 12.9520958084 116% => OK
Conjunction : 13.0 11.1786427146 116% => OK
Relative clauses : 10.0 13.6137724551 73% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 27.0 28.8173652695 94% => OK
Preposition: 81.0 55.5748502994 146% => OK
Nominalization: 22.0 16.3942115768 134% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2799.0 2260.96107784 124% => OK
No of words: 547.0 441.139720559 124% => OK
Chars per words: 5.11700182815 5.12650576532 100% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.83611736076 4.56307096286 106% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.81451470119 2.78398813304 101% => OK
Unique words: 273.0 204.123752495 134% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.499085923218 0.468620217663 107% => OK
syllable_count: 892.8 705.55239521 127% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 1.0 4.96107784431 20% => OK
Article: 13.0 8.76447105788 148% => OK
Subordination: 3.0 2.70958083832 111% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 1.67365269461 60% => OK
Preposition: 9.0 4.22255489022 213% => Less preposition wanted as sentence beginnings.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 23.0 19.7664670659 116% => OK
Sentence length: 23.0 22.8473053892 101% => OK
Sentence length SD: 58.4770486378 57.8364921388 101% => OK
Chars per sentence: 121.695652174 119.503703932 102% => OK
Words per sentence: 23.7826086957 23.324526521 102% => OK
Discourse Markers: 6.21739130435 5.70786347227 109% => OK
Paragraphs: 6.0 5.15768463074 116% => OK
Language errors: 2.0 5.25449101796 38% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 11.0 8.20758483034 134% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 3.0 6.88822355289 44% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 9.0 4.67664670659 192% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.138206035929 0.218282227539 63% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.044924325726 0.0743258471296 60% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.038812554492 0.0701772020484 55% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0737570222564 0.128457276422 57% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0421884125987 0.0628817314937 67% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 14.6 14.3799401198 102% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 48.13 48.3550499002 100% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 12.3 12.197005988 101% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.71 12.5979740519 101% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 9.42 8.32208582834 113% => OK
difficult_words: 161.0 98.500998004 163% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 11.0 12.3882235529 89% => OK
gunning_fog: 11.2 11.1389221557 101% => OK
text_standard: 11.0 11.9071856287 92% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.