The following was written as a part of an application for a small-business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe.
"Jazz music is extremely popular in the city of Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe's annual jazz festival last summer, and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight. Also, a number of well-known jazz musicians own homes in Monroe. Nevertheless, the nearest jazz club is over an hour away. Given the popularity of jazz in Monroe and a recent nationwide study indicating that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment, we predict that our new jazz music club in Monroe will be a tremendously profitable enterprise."
In this application for a small-business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe, the author of this application claims that the plan for opening a new jazz club in Monroe will be successful and they deserve the admission of the small loan. To support her argument, she says that over 100,000 people attended Monroe's annual jazz festival last year and the radio program, 'Jazz Nightly', is the most popular program in the region. And she gives information that there are many house of famous jazz musicians in Monroe and the nearest jazz club is over an hour away. Also, she cites nationwide research which shows that jazz fans usually spend almost 1000 dollars on enjoying music. Careful scrutiny reveals that this argument has several logical flaws.
To begin with and the foremost, based on the nationwide research which indicated that people who like jazz have tendency not to be reluctant to spend their money on listening music, she assumes that the people of Monroe would also like spending money on jazz entertainment. However, it could not be true. For example, if the financial state of people of Monroe is not good or if the people of Monroe don't like jazz as passionate as they spend up to almost 100,000 dollars on jazz music, they would not go to new jazz club. Until the author rule out this problem, we cannot be convinced by this argument.
Secondly, based on the fact that over 100,000 people attended the jazz festival last year, the author hastily assumes that the number of attendance of the festival can be an indicator of popularity of the jazz in the region. However, the number of the attendance could not show popularity for jazz. Common sense tells us that most attendance of regional festival is people who come from outside of the region. If this is true, this argument is groundless.
Finally, even if we admit the attendance of the festival is mainly composed of the local people, the author wrongly assumes that the popularity for jazz music would not change. However, the preference for music genre can be change. Common sense tells us that most people listen to music following general and recent trend and this trend is not stable and easily changeable according to broadcast or new musicians. If she cannot explain the tendency will not differ in the future, this argument is not persuasive.
To summarize, this argument is not cogent as it stands. To make this application more realistic, the author has to explain why she thinks the likeness of music of residents of Monroe will be continuous in the future and has to provide additional data which shows that the number of local people of Monroe who attended the jazz festival last year. To evaluate this argument better, we have to know that the people of Monroe like jazz music or their economic state is good enough to paying their money in jazz club
Comments
Essay evaluation report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 20 15
No. of Words: 496 350
No. of Characters: 2313 1500
No. of Different Words: 196 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.719 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.663 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.361 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 160 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 104 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 70 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 39 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 24.8 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 14.197 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.5 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.342 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.526 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.194 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 482, Rule ID: MANY_NN[1]
Message: Possible agreement error. The noun house seems to be countable; consider using: 'many houses'.
Suggestion: many houses
...nd she gives information that there are many house of famous jazz musicians in Monroe and ...
^^^^^^^^^^
Line 1, column 487, Rule ID: THERE_RE_MANY[3]
Message: Possible agreement error. Did you mean 'houses'?
Suggestion: houses
...e gives information that there are many house of famous jazz musicians in Monroe and ...
^^^^^
Line 3, column 401, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: don't
... is not good or if the people of Monroe dont like jazz as passionate as they spend u...
^^^^
Line 9, column 115, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...cation more realistic, the author has to explain why she thinks the likeness of m...
^^
Line 9, column 349, Rule ID: ENGLISH_WORD_REPEAT_BEGINNING_RULE
Message: Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Reword the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
...o attended the jazz festival last year. To evaluate this argument better, we have ...
^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, finally, however, if, second, secondly, so, as to, for example, to begin with
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 19.0 19.6327345309 97% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 12.0 12.9520958084 93% => OK
Conjunction : 12.0 11.1786427146 107% => OK
Relative clauses : 20.0 13.6137724551 147% => OK
Pronoun: 46.0 28.8173652695 160% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 69.0 55.5748502994 124% => OK
Nominalization: 17.0 16.3942115768 104% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2369.0 2260.96107784 105% => OK
No of words: 495.0 441.139720559 112% => OK
Chars per words: 4.78585858586 5.12650576532 93% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.71684168287 4.56307096286 103% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.43124913363 2.78398813304 87% => OK
Unique words: 204.0 204.123752495 100% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.412121212121 0.468620217663 88% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 725.4 705.55239521 103% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 10.0 4.96107784431 202% => Less pronouns wanted as sentence beginning.
Article: 6.0 8.76447105788 68% => OK
Subordination: 5.0 2.70958083832 185% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 1.67365269461 60% => OK
Preposition: 7.0 4.22255489022 166% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 20.0 19.7664670659 101% => OK
Sentence length: 24.0 22.8473053892 105% => OK
Sentence length SD: 78.6622368103 57.8364921388 136% => OK
Chars per sentence: 118.45 119.503703932 99% => OK
Words per sentence: 24.75 23.324526521 106% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.15 5.70786347227 73% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 5.0 5.25449101796 95% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 9.0 8.20758483034 110% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 9.0 6.88822355289 131% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 2.0 4.67664670659 43% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.362191619298 0.218282227539 166% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.109560115706 0.0743258471296 147% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0992159362236 0.0701772020484 141% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.223893338279 0.128457276422 174% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0933863275614 0.0628817314937 149% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 13.5 14.3799401198 94% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 55.58 48.3550499002 115% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.5 12.197005988 94% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 10.8 12.5979740519 86% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.73 8.32208582834 93% => OK
difficult_words: 91.0 98.500998004 92% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 18.5 12.3882235529 149% => OK
gunning_fog: 11.6 11.1389221557 104% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 11.9071856287 101% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 58.33 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.5 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.