Milk and dairy products are rich in vitamin D and calcium — substances essential for building and maintaining bones. Many people therefore say that a diet rich in dairy products can help prevent osteoporosis, a disease that is linked to both environmental and genetic factors and that causes the bones to weaken significantly with age. But a long-term study of a large number of people found that those who consistently consumed dairy products throughout the years of the study have a higher rate of bone fractures than any other participants in the study. Since bone fractures are symptomatic of osteoporosis, this study result shows that a diet rich in dairy products may actually increase, rather than decrease, the risk of osteoporosis.
In the memo, the author mentions about incredibility of milk and dairy product for decreasing the risk of osteoporosis instead being the likely cause of it. The conclusion thus drawn by the author about milk and dairy products might hold water; it rests on several infolded assumptions that, if not substantiated, dramatically weaken the persuasiveness of the argument. Thus, the following three questions must be answered.
First of all, the author mentions about other participants who were observed during the study. He fails to note the nature, number and types of participants taken as a sample in the study. Some of those participants might have genetic inclination towards osteoporosis and some might have never before taken as milk or dairy products which caused the likeness of not accepting the benefits of the substances. If such a scenario persist then the generalization thus made in the conclusion about milk and dairy product being the cause of increasing the risk of osteoporosis is seriously weaken as such an assumptions cannot be made to identify the greater number of population than the one used in the study.
Secondly, the author does not mention about the functioning vitamin D and calcium in bones. Every minerals and vitamins have distinct functioning in the body, some act as a primary media which some work in collaboration with other substances like hormones to produced a desired effect and function. The author just mentions that Vitamin D and calcium help in bone formation and prevent osteoporosis; however, he fails to explain the underlying science behind this vitamin and mineral. There might be some other triggering element causing them to work as such and malfunctioning of those elements might have cause the higher risk. If such a scenario exists, then the assertion made by the author is significantly hampered.
Lastly, the author claims that many people say that a diet rich in dairy product helps in preventing osteoporosis. However there too exist some people who do not say so. It means that it’s not only the dairy product that helps in preventing osteoporosis. There might be a need of supplement diet to assist those dairy products to prevent the deformity. And the assertion is not based on some scientific fact or a dietetic professional which certainly proves that it’s just a vague generalization of the people regarding milk and dairy product. If this claim hold water then the above state mentioned statement is significantly weaken.
To sum up, as it stands now, the claim is considerably flawed due to its reliance on several unwarranted assumptions. To corroborate the claim more data is needed to reach a firm conclusion.
Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 20 15
No. of Words: 439 350
No. of Characters: 2204 1500
No. of Different Words: 211 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.577 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.021 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.889 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 143 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 110 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 81 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 55 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 21.95 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 10.205 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.6 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.303 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.303 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.086 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 1 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 2, column 584, Rule ID: BEEN_PART_AGREEMENT[2]
Message: Consider using a past participle here: 'weakened'.
Suggestion: weakened
...g the risk of osteoporosis is seriously weaken as such an assumptions cannot be made t...
^^^^^^
Line 2, column 599, Rule ID: A_PLURAL[1]
Message: Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean 'an assumption' or simply 'assumptions'?
Suggestion: an assumption; assumptions
...steoporosis is seriously weaken as such an assumptions cannot be made to identify the greater ...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 4, column 115, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: However,
...oduct helps in preventing osteoporosis. However there too exist some people who do not ...
^^^^^^^
Line 4, column 129, Rule ID: TOO_TO[1]
Message: Did you mean 'to exist'?
Suggestion: to exist
... preventing osteoporosis. However there too exist some people who do not say so. It means...
^^^^^^^^^
Line 4, column 544, Rule ID: SENTENCE_FRAGMENT[1]
Message: “If” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
...eople regarding milk and dairy product. If this claim hold water then the above st...
^^
Line 4, column 627, Rule ID: BEEN_PART_AGREEMENT[2]
Message: Consider using a past participle here: 'weakened'.
Suggestion: weakened
...te mentioned statement is significantly weaken. To sum up, as it stands now, the clai...
^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
first, however, if, lastly, regarding, second, secondly, so, then, thus, first of all, to sum up
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 13.0 19.6327345309 66% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 9.0 12.9520958084 69% => OK
Conjunction : 16.0 11.1786427146 143% => OK
Relative clauses : 12.0 13.6137724551 88% => OK
Pronoun: 22.0 28.8173652695 76% => OK
Preposition: 55.0 55.5748502994 99% => OK
Nominalization: 16.0 16.3942115768 98% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2253.0 2260.96107784 100% => OK
No of words: 439.0 441.139720559 100% => OK
Chars per words: 5.13211845103 5.12650576532 100% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.57737117129 4.56307096286 100% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.94395318979 2.78398813304 106% => OK
Unique words: 212.0 204.123752495 104% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.48291571754 0.468620217663 103% => OK
syllable_count: 702.9 705.55239521 100% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 4.0 4.96107784431 81% => OK
Article: 8.0 8.76447105788 91% => OK
Subordination: 5.0 2.70958083832 185% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 1.67365269461 60% => OK
Preposition: 3.0 4.22255489022 71% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 20.0 19.7664670659 101% => OK
Sentence length: 21.0 22.8473053892 92% => OK
Sentence length SD: 63.8387813167 57.8364921388 110% => OK
Chars per sentence: 112.65 119.503703932 94% => OK
Words per sentence: 21.95 23.324526521 94% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.8 5.70786347227 84% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 6.0 5.25449101796 114% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 8.0 8.20758483034 97% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 7.0 6.88822355289 102% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 5.0 4.67664670659 107% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.267775240805 0.218282227539 123% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0879080378494 0.0743258471296 118% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.105293013786 0.0701772020484 150% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.14060757813 0.128457276422 109% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.118353035488 0.0628817314937 188% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 13.7 14.3799401198 95% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 50.16 48.3550499002 104% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.5 12.197005988 94% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.47 12.5979740519 99% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.35 8.32208582834 100% => OK
difficult_words: 102.0 98.500998004 104% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 11.5 12.3882235529 93% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.4 11.1389221557 93% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 11.9071856287 101% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 58.33 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.5 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.