Milk and dairy products are rich in vitamin D and calcium — substances essential for building and maintaining bones. Many people, therefore, say that a diet rich in dairy products can help prevent osteoporosis, a disease that is linked to both environmental and genetic factors and that causes the bones to weaken significantly with age. But a long-term study of a large number of people found that those who consistently consumed dairy products throughout the years of the study have a higher rate of bone fractures than any other participants in the study. Since bone fractures are symptomatic of osteoporosis, this study result shows that a diet rich in dairy products may actually increase, rather than decrease, the risk of osteoporosis.
The author concludes the statement that dairy products are the paramount elements that cause bone diseases, like osteoporosis. This conclusion is predicated on several assumptions that indicate that the author’s understanding in this regard is persuasive. However, as it is inferred, the author’s argument is based on three erroneous assumptions which may impede the validity of the author’s argument.
First of all, the author assumes that all of the participants in the study are genetically fit and live in the same environmental condition. However, it may not be the actual case. Perhaps a significant number of the participants may have had previously genetically related problems regarding the bone disease, which escalated during the study. And also, there may be a handy amount of people in this study who did not come from the same region or environment, in fact, maybe from a vulnerable situation which increases the rate of bone disease. Hence, if any of the above examples are true, the author’s argument regarding bone disease may be in trouble.
Furthermore, the author assumes that the number of participants in the research program is significant. But it may not be true. There may be a small proportion of people participating in the dairy milk consumption study. In addition, maybe many participants could not complete this program exhaustively, who knows? If this is the case, then the insignificant participant may be the paragon of burnout of the author’s argument.
Finally, the author assumes that the vulnerable participants who are infected by bone disease are only for dairy milk. It might be the most superficial assumption. Maybe the participants consumed a lot of other products rather than dairy products which eventually cause them to be affected. Moreover, maybe many of them are sensitive to these dairy products, which indicates the individual problem rather than in general. And we may not extrapolate any decision based on this fact.
In conclusion, the author’s conclusion of the condemnation of dairy products for causing bone disease may seem persuasive. However, as it is stated, the author’s argument is projected on three unwarranted assumptions, which need to be reevaluated if the author wants his argument to be fluent and lucid.
Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.0 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 4 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 3 2
No. of Sentences: 20 15
No. of Words: 363 350
No. of Characters: 1866 1500
No. of Different Words: 163 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.365 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.14 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.963 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 129 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 110 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 87 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 54 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 18.15 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.275 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.8 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.347 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.347 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.109 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 1 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 2, column 39, Rule ID: ALL_OF_THE[1]
Message: Simply use 'all the'.
Suggestion: all the
... First of all, the author assumes that all of the participants in the study are genetical...
^^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, finally, first, furthermore, hence, however, if, may, moreover, regarding, so, then, in addition, in conclusion, in fact, in general, first of all
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 24.0 19.6327345309 122% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 13.0 12.9520958084 100% => OK
Conjunction : 6.0 11.1786427146 54% => More conjunction wanted.
Relative clauses : 16.0 13.6137724551 118% => OK
Pronoun: 23.0 28.8173652695 80% => OK
Preposition: 42.0 55.5748502994 76% => OK
Nominalization: 15.0 16.3942115768 91% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1932.0 2260.96107784 85% => OK
No of words: 363.0 441.139720559 82% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.32231404959 5.12650576532 104% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.3649236973 4.56307096286 96% => OK
Word Length SD: 3.1066710657 2.78398813304 112% => OK
Unique words: 168.0 204.123752495 82% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.462809917355 0.468620217663 99% => OK
syllable_count: 611.1 705.55239521 87% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.7 1.59920159681 106% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 3.0 4.96107784431 60% => OK
Article: 8.0 8.76447105788 91% => OK
Subordination: 4.0 2.70958083832 148% => OK
Conjunction: 3.0 1.67365269461 179% => OK
Preposition: 4.0 4.22255489022 95% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 20.0 19.7664670659 101% => OK
Sentence length: 18.0 22.8473053892 79% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 44.78490259 57.8364921388 77% => OK
Chars per sentence: 96.6 119.503703932 81% => OK
Words per sentence: 18.15 23.324526521 78% => OK
Discourse Markers: 7.85 5.70786347227 138% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 1.0 5.25449101796 19% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 3.0 8.20758483034 37% => More positive sentences wanted.
Sentences with negative sentiment : 12.0 6.88822355289 174% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 5.0 4.67664670659 107% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.133598896519 0.218282227539 61% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0515201915171 0.0743258471296 69% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0655629587936 0.0701772020484 93% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0910268314005 0.128457276422 71% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0447119103474 0.0628817314937 71% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 12.7 14.3799401198 88% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 44.75 48.3550499002 93% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.5 12.197005988 94% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.28 12.5979740519 105% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.36 8.32208582834 100% => OK
difficult_words: 88.0 98.500998004 89% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 9.0 12.3882235529 73% => OK
gunning_fog: 9.2 11.1389221557 83% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 11.9071856287 76% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.