Milk and dairy products are rich in vitamin D and calcium — substances essential for building and maintaining bones. Many people therefore say that a diet rich in dairy products can help prevent osteoporosis, a disease that is linked to both environmental and genetic factors and that causes the bones to weaken significantly with age. But a long-term study of a large number of people found that those who consistently consumed dairy products throughout the years of the study have a higher rate of bone fractures than any other participants in the study. Since bone fractures are symptomatic of osteoporosis, this study result shows that a diet rich in dairy products may actually increase, rather than decrease, the risk of osteoporosis.
The author concludes the statement that dairy products are the paramount elements that cause bone diseases, like osteoporosis. This conclusion is predicated on several assumptions that indicate that the author’s understanding in this regard is persuasive. However, as inferred, the author's argument is built on three incorrect assumptions, which may jeopardize the author's argument's validity.
First and foremost, the author assumes that all study participants are genetically fit and live in the same environmental conditions. However, this may not be the case. Perhaps a considerable number of the patients had prior genetically associated bone disease difficulties, which were exacerbated throughout the trial. Furthermore, there could be a significant number of persons in this study who did not come from the same place or environment, but rather from a susceptible condition that elevated the likelihood of bone disease. As a result, if any of the preceding cases are accurate, the author's claim about bone disease may be jeopardized.
Furthermore, the author needs to demonstrate that the "large number" of people used in the study actually includes a significant number of people living in the specific locality where the research was done. A "large number" of individuals can be 50 or 100 people, which could be quite few depending on the community's population. The number of people participated in the study is substantial if the study was conducted with 100 persons in an area with a total population of 250; yet, if the study was conducted with only 100 people out of 10,000, the number of people involved in the research is minute. Furthermore, even if a large number of persons were utilized to begin the experiment, it is likely that the same number did not complete it, resulting in a smaller study population. If any of the aforementioned scenarios occurred, the author's argument would be weakened.
Finally, the author considers that the vulnerable participants who have bone illness are solely interested in dairy milk. It could be the most superficial assumption. Perhaps the participants ingested a lot of other goods instead of only dairy products, which eventually caused them to become ill. Furthermore, many of them may be sensitive to specific dairy products, indicating an individual issue rather than a universal one. If any of the foregoing scenarios occurred, the author's claim that eating dairy products causes osteoporosis is severely undermined.
In conclusion, the author's conclusion that dairy products cause bone disease may appear persuasive. However, as indicated, the author's argument is based on three unfounded assumptions that must be reconsidered if the author wants his argument to be fluent and lucid.
Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 2 2
No. of Sentences: 19 15
No. of Words: 431 350
No. of Characters: 2269 1500
No. of Different Words: 201 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.556 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.265 4.6
Word Length SD: 3.003 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 167 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 132 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 114 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 73 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 22.684 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 10.775 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.737 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.349 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.349 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.108 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 1 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 283, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'authors'' or 'author's'?
Suggestion: authors'; author's
...s persuasive. However, as inferred, the authors argument is built on three incorrect as...
^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 217, Rule ID: EN_A_VS_AN
Message: Use 'An' instead of 'A' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
Suggestion: An
...c locality where the research was done. A 'large number' of individuals...
^
Line 3, column 644, Rule ID: LARGE_NUMBER_OF[1]
Message: Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use 'many' or 'numerous'
Suggestion: many; numerous
...esearch is minute. Furthermore, even if a large number of persons were utilized to begin the expe...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 858, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'authors'' or 'author's'?
Suggestion: authors'; author's
... aforementioned scenarios occurred, the authors argument would be weakened. Finally, t...
^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 20, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'authors'' or 'author's'?
Suggestion: authors'; author's
...everely undermined. In conclusion, the authors conclusion that dairy products cause bo...
^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 127, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'authors'' or 'author's'?
Suggestion: authors'; author's
... persuasive. However, as indicated, the authors argument is based on three unfounded as...
^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
actually, but, finally, first, furthermore, however, if, may, so, in conclusion, as a result
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 27.0 19.6327345309 138% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 11.0 12.9520958084 85% => OK
Conjunction : 6.0 11.1786427146 54% => More conjunction wanted.
Relative clauses : 19.0 13.6137724551 140% => OK
Pronoun: 22.0 28.8173652695 76% => OK
Preposition: 45.0 55.5748502994 81% => OK
Nominalization: 12.0 16.3942115768 73% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2344.0 2260.96107784 104% => OK
No of words: 431.0 441.139720559 98% => OK
Chars per words: 5.43851508121 5.12650576532 106% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.55637350225 4.56307096286 100% => OK
Word Length SD: 3.15443889823 2.78398813304 113% => OK
Unique words: 205.0 204.123752495 100% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.475638051044 0.468620217663 101% => OK
syllable_count: 751.5 705.55239521 107% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.7 1.59920159681 106% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 4.0 4.96107784431 81% => OK
Article: 13.0 8.76447105788 148% => OK
Subordination: 8.0 2.70958083832 295% => Less adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 1.0 1.67365269461 60% => OK
Preposition: 4.0 4.22255489022 95% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 20.0 19.7664670659 101% => OK
Sentence length: 21.0 22.8473053892 92% => OK
Sentence length SD: 53.6599245247 57.8364921388 93% => OK
Chars per sentence: 117.2 119.503703932 98% => OK
Words per sentence: 21.55 23.324526521 92% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.6 5.70786347227 81% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 6.0 5.25449101796 114% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 6.0 8.20758483034 73% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 7.0 6.88822355289 102% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 7.0 4.67664670659 150% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.123925338915 0.218282227539 57% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0466728565819 0.0743258471296 63% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0540587342323 0.0701772020484 77% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.081228950914 0.128457276422 63% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0388334255245 0.0628817314937 62% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 15.0 14.3799401198 104% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 41.7 48.3550499002 86% => OK
smog_index: 11.2 7.1628742515 156% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 12.7 12.197005988 104% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 14.27 12.5979740519 113% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.67 8.32208582834 104% => OK
difficult_words: 109.0 98.500998004 111% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 10.5 12.3882235529 85% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.4 11.1389221557 93% => OK
text_standard: 11.0 11.9071856287 92% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
---------------------
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.