Milk and dairy products are rich in vitamin D and calcium — substances essential for building and maintaining bones. Many people therefore say that a diet rich in dairy products can help prevent osteoporosis, a disease that is linked to both environmental and genetic factors and that causes the bones to weaken significantly with age. But a long-term study of a large number of people found that those who consistently consumed dairy products throughout the years of the study have a higher rate of bone fractures than any other participants in the study. Since bone fractures are symptomatic of osteoporosis, this study result shows that a diet rich in dairy products may actually increase, rather than decrease, the risk of osteoporosis.
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
The author concludes that the consumption of milk and dairy products may increase the risk of osteoporosis based on the long-term, large-scale study. The argument needs various pieces of evidence that could substantiate the author’s conclusion.
First, the author’s argument needs evidence showing that milk and dairy products are rich in vitamin D and calcium. For example, research from prominent scientists could suggest that vitamin D and calcium could build and maintain bones. If the research suggests that vitamin D and calcium could build and maintain bones, then this strengthens the argument.
Second, even if we assume that milk and dairy products are rich in vitamin D and calcium, we need to know how dairy products interact with environmental and genetic factors that cause osteoporosis. Moreover, “many people” claim that consuming milk and dairy products could prevent osteoporosis. Therefore, we need evidence to show that milk and dairy products relate to the mentioned environmental and genetic factors. If the evidence shows that milk and dairy products do not relate to both environmental and genetic factors and could not prevent osteoporosis, then this could weaken the claim of many people.
Although bone fractures are an osteoporosis symptom, it does not mean that all bone fractures are caused by osteoporosis. We need necessary evidence showing that bone fractures are significantly the signs of osteoporosis. We also need to know whether other factors were held contant in the study. There could be other factors involved, such as lifestyle, gender and age. For example, some careers may have a higher chance of breaking bones such as boxers. Some women may be prone to have weak bones when menstrual periods end. If the new study ruled out both environmental and genetic factors, and found no causal relationship between bone fractures and osteoporosis, then this could weaken the argument that bone fractures are caused by osteoporosis.
Lastly, the author is required to provide evidence that there are significant differences between those who consistently consume dairy products and those who do not. If the other group consumes the same amount of dairy products but at a different rate of consumption and shows no difference in the rate of bone fractures, then this could weaken the argument that those who consistently consumed dairy products would have a higher rate of bone fractures.
In conclusion, there is a lack of evidence showing the link between dairy products and vitamin D and calcium, dairy products and osteoporosis as well as bone fractures and osteoporosis. Therefore, the author’s conclusion is unfounded.
Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 20 15
No. of Words: 420 350
No. of Characters: 2192 1500
No. of Different Words: 162 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.527 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.219 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.773 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 153 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 131 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 92 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 51 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 21 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.94 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.85 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.373 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.628 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.234 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 6 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 11, column 15, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...ate of bone fractures. In conclusion, there is a lack of evidence showing the ...
^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, if, lastly, may, moreover, second, so, then, therefore, well, for example, in conclusion, such as, as well as
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 13.0 19.6327345309 66% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 18.0 12.9520958084 139% => OK
Conjunction : 27.0 11.1786427146 242% => Less conjunction wanted
Relative clauses : 19.0 13.6137724551 140% => OK
Pronoun: 28.0 28.8173652695 97% => OK
Preposition: 33.0 55.5748502994 59% => More preposition wanted.
Nominalization: 15.0 16.3942115768 91% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2266.0 2260.96107784 100% => OK
No of words: 420.0 441.139720559 95% => OK
Chars per words: 5.39523809524 5.12650576532 105% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.52701905584 4.56307096286 99% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.90345794308 2.78398813304 104% => OK
Unique words: 173.0 204.123752495 85% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.411904761905 0.468620217663 88% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 687.6 705.55239521 97% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 5.0 4.96107784431 101% => OK
Article: 5.0 8.76447105788 57% => OK
Subordination: 6.0 2.70958083832 221% => Less adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 1.0 1.67365269461 60% => OK
Preposition: 1.0 4.22255489022 24% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 20.0 19.7664670659 101% => OK
Sentence length: 21.0 22.8473053892 92% => OK
Sentence length SD: 58.4609912677 57.8364921388 101% => OK
Chars per sentence: 113.3 119.503703932 95% => OK
Words per sentence: 21.0 23.324526521 90% => OK
Discourse Markers: 6.35 5.70786347227 111% => OK
Paragraphs: 6.0 5.15768463074 116% => OK
Language errors: 1.0 5.25449101796 19% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 9.0 8.20758483034 110% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 5.0 6.88822355289 73% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 6.0 4.67664670659 128% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.346114274914 0.218282227539 159% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.119848903411 0.0743258471296 161% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.105202371465 0.0701772020484 150% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.202394498382 0.128457276422 158% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0983046736277 0.0628817314937 156% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 14.5 14.3799401198 101% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 50.16 48.3550499002 104% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.5 12.197005988 94% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 14.04 12.5979740519 111% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.91 8.32208582834 95% => OK
difficult_words: 86.0 98.500998004 87% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 7.5 12.3882235529 61% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.4 11.1389221557 93% => OK
text_standard: 8.0 11.9071856287 67% => The average readability is low. Need to imporve the language.
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.