The Mozart School of Music should be the first choice for parents considering enrolling their child in music lessons. First of all, the Mozart School welcomes youngsters at all ability and age levels; there is no audition to attend the school. Second, the school offers instruction in nearly all musical instruments as well a wide range of styles and genres from classical to rock. Third, the faculty includes some of the most distinguished musicians in the area. Finally, many Mozart graduates have gone on to become well-known and highly paid professional musicians.
The argument is flawed for numerous unwarranted assumptions. Primarily, the argument assumes that a music school is enough to produce highly paid professional musicians, which is correct.
Success in career is pivoted on many factors: personal ability, proper training, proper opportunity etc. However, the argument assumes that the graduates from Mozart music school have gone on to become well-known and highly paid musicians because of Mozart school's excellence, which may not be correct. It might be true that those graduates who have been successful were really extraordinary when they were novice and it is their hard work and potential which act behind their success not music school. Had the argument discussed in details about the initial potentiality of the graduates and the potential of those after graduating from the school only than we can conclude that it is the music school which can take pride of the success of those graduates.
Secondly, the argument assumes that the faculty of the school are excellent as they are the most distinguished musicians in the are. However, it may be true that the area is not famous for musical ability of the people and those who are locally famous have no impact on the national level and there is even possibility that they are not technically sound enough to guide novice musicians. Had the argument made its position clear by placing evidence that the musicians of that are the best one or one of the best one of the country only than we can trust on the point of the school. Even then the argument needs to prove that good musicians are the best instructors because it is widely known that the best student of a class is not necessarily going to be a good teacher.
Thirdly, the argument says the music school has instruction in nearly all musical instruments but it may be true that those instruments are obsolete now and musicians of modern time do not use them at all. So, the argument needs to make its position clear that the music school is full with instruction in nearly all modern musical instruments; only then the argument will be acceptable.
Finally, the argument assumes that no audition before attending school is good thing. But it may be true that the best schools take audition before admitting students in order to judge the current potential of the students and create a benchmark of the potential based on the schools minimum criteria. This procedure enables best students to screen out the best students and guide them accordingly with high standard schedule. Again, there are also school for moderate students and if an extraordinary students get admits in that school the overall quality of education may not go according to his criteria and he might be deprived. This can be also true for a low capable student when he gets admitted with some extraordinary students and he fails to cope with them. So, it appears that screening before admission may become necessary. Had the argument made its position clear that without audition provides a good opportunity for all students only than the argument would be cogent enough.
The argument is flawed for numerous unwarranted assumptions and some questions must be answered before considering the argument as a cogent one.
Comments
Essay evaluation report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.5 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 19 15
No. of Words: 545 350
No. of Characters: 2667 1500
No. of Different Words: 219 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.832 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.894 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.586 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 194 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 146 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 104 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 56 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 28.684 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 11.471 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.684 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.377 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.614 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.228 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 6 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 9, column 318, Rule ID: THE_SUPERLATIVE[4]
Message: A determiner is probably missing here: 'enables the best'.
Suggestion: enables the best
...chools minimum criteria. This procedure enables best students to screen out the best student...
^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 9, column 503, Rule ID: A_PLURAL[2]
Message: Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean 'student'?
Suggestion: student
...derate students and if an extraordinary students get admits in that school the overall q...
^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
accordingly, also, but, finally, however, if, may, really, second, secondly, so, then, third, thirdly, well
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 36.0 19.6327345309 183% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 15.0 12.9520958084 116% => OK
Conjunction : 16.0 11.1786427146 143% => OK
Relative clauses : 26.0 13.6137724551 191% => OK
Pronoun: 50.0 28.8173652695 174% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 56.0 55.5748502994 101% => OK
Nominalization: 26.0 16.3942115768 159% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2715.0 2260.96107784 120% => OK
No of words: 545.0 441.139720559 124% => OK
Chars per words: 4.98165137615 5.12650576532 97% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.83169070408 4.56307096286 106% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.64396602672 2.78398813304 95% => OK
Unique words: 226.0 204.123752495 111% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.414678899083 0.468620217663 88% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 846.9 705.55239521 120% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 5.0 4.96107784431 101% => OK
Article: 8.0 8.76447105788 91% => OK
Subordination: 0.0 2.70958083832 0% => More adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 1.0 1.67365269461 60% => OK
Preposition: 0.0 4.22255489022 0% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 20.0 19.7664670659 101% => OK
Sentence length: 27.0 22.8473053892 118% => OK
Sentence length SD: 55.5804596958 57.8364921388 96% => OK
Chars per sentence: 135.75 119.503703932 114% => OK
Words per sentence: 27.25 23.324526521 117% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.35 5.70786347227 94% => OK
Paragraphs: 6.0 5.15768463074 116% => OK
Language errors: 2.0 5.25449101796 38% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 12.0 8.20758483034 146% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 7.0 6.88822355289 102% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 1.0 4.67664670659 21% => More facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.262696996274 0.218282227539 120% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0912287028535 0.0743258471296 123% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0687553056334 0.0701772020484 98% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.142102267604 0.128457276422 111% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0610039984099 0.0628817314937 97% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 15.7 14.3799401198 109% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 44.07 48.3550499002 91% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 13.8 12.197005988 113% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.9 12.5979740519 94% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.02 8.32208582834 96% => OK
difficult_words: 105.0 98.500998004 107% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 11.0 12.3882235529 89% => OK
gunning_fog: 12.8 11.1389221557 115% => OK
text_standard: 11.0 11.9071856287 92% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.