In order to reverse the recent decline in our profits, we must reduce operating expenses at Movies Galore’s ten video rental stores.Since we are famous for our special bargains, raising our rental prices is not a viable way to improve profits. Last month our store in downtown Marston significantly decreased its operating expenses by closing at 6:00 P.M. rather than 9:00 P.M. and by reducing its stock by eliminating all movies released more than five years ago. Therefore, in order to increase profits without jeopardizing our reputation for offering great movies at low prices, we recommend implementing similar changes in our other nine Movies Galore stores.
The author of the sentence above, while supporting his thesis, has provided arguments that are generally not well-supported and that can be easily refuted. As a matter of fact, at least three logical problems can be found in his argumentation.
First of all, the writer is strongly convinced that the finances of his activity would get in a better shape after the decrement of operative expenses. However, while it may be argued that this change would bring a growth in his business, any proof is openly provided. For instance, even if the author has mentioned about what he has already done in one of his stores, he has not reported any further information about the general financial results gained. To put it in another way: even if he has mentioned the cut down of the operating expenses, on the other side, he has not provided enough information to analyze whether the overall economy has been improved.
In addition, it is not clear whether the choice of closing at 6:00 PM is worthy or not. Any statistic is reported about the part of the day in which most of the deal are made. As the grounds which have led to this decision are not discussed, the incomes of Movies’s Galore may not be significantly improved.
Last, the owner of the company, after affirming that a rise in prices would compromise his shop’s reputation, has not analyzed deeply enough this option. Indeed, while it may be agreed that increasing prices is generally bad for a shop’s economy, it is also true that it could the right reaction to a general change in video reantal’s cost range.
Although he has affirmed that by, his reputation would be compromised, we should consider that if the competition prices is quite higher, an increment would be accepted as proportioned with the general target of prices.
In conclusion, I am entirely convinced that, if more data about the profits of the store in downtown Marston had been reported and if more different options were taken into consideration, the argument would have been well-proved. However, enough evidence is not provided and the author’s assumption are just partially correct.
Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.0 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 14 15
No. of Words: 361 350
No. of Characters: 1710 1500
No. of Different Words: 195 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.359 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.737 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.636 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 125 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 92 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 67 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 35 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 25.786 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.757 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.857 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.34 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.662 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.118 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 6 5
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, first, however, if, may, so, well, while, at least, for instance, in addition, in conclusion, as a matter of fact, first of all
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 24.0 19.6327345309 122% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 13.0 12.9520958084 100% => OK
Conjunction : 4.0 11.1786427146 36% => More conjunction wanted.
Relative clauses : 12.0 13.6137724551 88% => OK
Pronoun: 33.0 28.8173652695 115% => OK
Preposition: 43.0 55.5748502994 77% => OK
Nominalization: 16.0 16.3942115768 98% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1782.0 2260.96107784 79% => OK
No of words: 360.0 441.139720559 82% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 4.95 5.12650576532 97% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.35587717469 4.56307096286 95% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.7656401487 2.78398813304 99% => OK
Unique words: 195.0 204.123752495 96% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.541666666667 0.468620217663 116% => OK
syllable_count: 560.7 705.55239521 79% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 7.0 4.96107784431 141% => OK
Article: 6.0 8.76447105788 68% => OK
Subordination: 9.0 2.70958083832 332% => Less adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 6.0 4.22255489022 142% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 14.0 19.7664670659 71% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 25.0 22.8473053892 109% => OK
Sentence length SD: 49.0826042587 57.8364921388 85% => OK
Chars per sentence: 127.285714286 119.503703932 107% => OK
Words per sentence: 25.7142857143 23.324526521 110% => OK
Discourse Markers: 9.5 5.70786347227 166% => OK
Paragraphs: 6.0 5.15768463074 116% => OK
Language errors: 0.0 5.25449101796 0% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 9.0 8.20758483034 110% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 2.0 6.88822355289 29% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 3.0 4.67664670659 64% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.0639369153694 0.218282227539 29% => The similarity between the topic and the content is low.
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0211884962692 0.0743258471296 29% => Sentence topic similarity is low.
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0158382573343 0.0701772020484 23% => Sentences are similar to each other.
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0334490994939 0.128457276422 26% => Maybe some paragraphs are off the topic.
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0127347954085 0.0628817314937 20% => Paragraphs are similar to each other. Some content may get duplicated or it is not exactly right on the topic.
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 14.7 14.3799401198 102% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 46.1 48.3550499002 95% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 13.0 12.197005988 107% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.73 12.5979740519 93% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.91 8.32208582834 107% => OK
difficult_words: 92.0 98.500998004 93% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 11.0 12.3882235529 89% => OK
gunning_fog: 12.0 11.1389221557 108% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 11.9071856287 101% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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It is not exactly right on the topic in the view of e-grader. Maybe there is a wrong essay topic.
Rates: 16.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 1.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.