The following appeared in a memorandum from the owner of Movies Galore, a chain of
video rental stores.
“In order to reverse the recent decline in our profits, we must reduce operating expenses
at Movies Galore’s ten video rental stores. Since we are famous for our special
bargains, raising our rental prices is not a viable way to improve profits. Last month our
store in downtown Marston significantly decreased its operating expenses by closing at
6:00 P.M. rather than 9:00 P.M. and by reducing its stock by eliminating all movies
released more than five years ago. Therefore, in order to increase profits without
jeopardizing our reputation for offering great movies at low prices, we recommend
implementing similar changes in our other nine Movies Galore stores.”
Accoding to the owner of Movies Galore, a chain of video rental stores, by closing their shop early and reducing old stock will help to increse their profit. This conclusion is made on the basis of the last month's decreased expenses cost of their store at Marrston because of early closing and removal of five years old stock. This recommendation can be evaluated accurately if the following two questions can be answered correctly.
Firstly, is the store at Marston compareable to the other nine stores? How can anyone say that the application of same remedy won't do the reverse rather their expectations. It may possible that the operationg cost of the store in Marston had previously higher, maybe the operating cost of that store is more after the sunsets because of the high electricity expenses. It can also be happen that the people of all the locality are not same. For example, the People in Marston may return earlier than any other cities whereas people of the rest of the store's cities are available to buy video after working hours, maybe around 8 pm to 10 pm. There is a possibility that the time of daylight hour is more in the rest of the cities than Marston. If any of these scenarios are true, then it is not possible increase the profit by closing early rather it may cause the reduction of profit.
Secondly, how can it be said that the demand of five year old book will reduce? There is a people of different age in different city. It is very natural that the people like to recall their childhood memories by wathching the video they used to watch during their childhood. For example, if an old man come to any of the nine stores, who reduced the five year old videos, asked for a video from the year 1999, then the video shop owner will fail to provide it. It may hamper the fame of that store. They may be famous because of their huge collections of videos. If they reduce the number of collections then it might be possible that they will lose their customer, which will reduce the profit. So, how can anyone say that reducing old collections will help in collecting more profit?
Finally, the recommendation by the owner is made based on some unwanted assumptions so it can't be said accurately that this recommendation will help to increase the profit of the owner. This can be evaluate accurately if the author can provide some data in the form of a graph of pie chart on the percentage of dependency of profit on expense cost and other factors that mentioned. Any suvery data may also work to evaluate it.
Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 7 2
No. of Sentences: 21 15
No. of Words: 455 350
No. of Characters: 2048 1500
No. of Different Words: 194 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.619 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.501 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.424 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 129 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 85 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 56 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 36 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 21.667 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.588 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.714 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.297 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.297 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.058 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 1 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 2, column 389, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...ctricity expenses. It can also be happen that the people of all the locality are ...
^^
Line 3, column 63, Rule ID: CD_NN[1]
Message: Possible agreement error. The noun 'book' seems to be countable, so consider using: 'books'.
Suggestion: books
...e said that the demand of five year old book will reduce? There is a people of diffe...
^^^^
Line 4, column 91, Rule ID: CANT[1]
Message: Did you mean 'can't' or 'cannot'?
Suggestion: can't; cannot
...ased on some unwanted assumptions so it cant be said accurately that this recommenda...
^^^^
Line 4, column 91, Rule ID: IT_VBZ[1]
Message: Did you mean 'cants'?
Suggestion: cants
...ased on some unwanted assumptions so it cant be said accurately that this recommenda...
^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, finally, first, firstly, if, may, second, secondly, so, then, whereas, for example
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 20.0 19.6327345309 102% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 22.0 12.9520958084 170% => OK
Conjunction : 3.0 11.1786427146 27% => More conjunction wanted.
Relative clauses : 14.0 13.6137724551 103% => OK
Pronoun: 40.0 28.8173652695 139% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 62.0 55.5748502994 112% => OK
Nominalization: 5.0 16.3942115768 30% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2083.0 2260.96107784 92% => OK
No of words: 454.0 441.139720559 103% => OK
Chars per words: 4.58810572687 5.12650576532 89% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.61598047577 4.56307096286 101% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.48296120661 2.78398813304 89% => OK
Unique words: 201.0 204.123752495 98% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.442731277533 0.468620217663 94% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 667.8 705.55239521 95% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 8.0 4.96107784431 161% => OK
Article: 3.0 8.76447105788 34% => OK
Subordination: 3.0 2.70958083832 111% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 1.0 4.22255489022 24% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 21.0 19.7664670659 106% => OK
Sentence length: 21.0 22.8473053892 92% => OK
Sentence length SD: 53.0458664325 57.8364921388 92% => OK
Chars per sentence: 99.1904761905 119.503703932 83% => OK
Words per sentence: 21.619047619 23.324526521 93% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.19047619048 5.70786347227 73% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 5.15768463074 78% => More paragraphs wanted.
Language errors: 4.0 5.25449101796 76% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 9.0 8.20758483034 110% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 2.0 6.88822355289 29% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 10.0 4.67664670659 214% => Less facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.165971082599 0.218282227539 76% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0503367315304 0.0743258471296 68% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0474936666867 0.0701772020484 68% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.103284779434 0.128457276422 80% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0392087880566 0.0628817314937 62% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 11.0 14.3799401198 76% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 58.62 48.3550499002 121% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 10.3 12.197005988 84% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 9.34 12.5979740519 74% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.7 8.32208582834 93% => OK
difficult_words: 87.0 98.500998004 88% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 11.0 12.3882235529 89% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.4 11.1389221557 93% => OK
text_standard: 11.0 11.9071856287 92% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.