In order to reverse the recent decline in our profits, we must reduce operating expenses at Movies Galore’s ten video rental stores. Since we are famous for our special bargains, raising our rental prices is not a viable way to improve profits. Last month our store in downtown Marston significantly decreased its operating expenses by closing at 6:00 P.M. rather than 9:00 P.M. and by reducing its stock by eliminating all movies released more than five years ago. Therefore, in order to increase profits without jeopardizing our reputation for offering great movies at low prices, we recommend implementing similar changes in our other nine Movies Galore stores
In this argument, the author recommends that recent decline of their profit can be halt by reducing the operating costs. To support his view, the author cites following facts about their video rental shop: (1) they will not increase the rental rate because it will hinder their reputation (2) total time of business should be reduced (3) movies that are older then five years will be removed. However, close scrutiny of each of those facts reveals that none of them lend sound support to his recommendation.
Firstly, the author is sure about the cause of profit decline and it is the operating cost that should be lessen but how one can be so sure about his profit declination. A profit of a company depends upon many things like customers choice, environments of the shop, terms and condition and facilities given by the shop. Without considering any of the other possibilities one can not so easily conclude that operating cost is responsible for this declination. So, authors assumption are kind of baseless and output of a shallow thinking.
Secondly, considering their reputation he will not increase the prize but it can be the reason of profit declination because the purchase cost of videos may have risen over the period of time and it is high time to increase the cost. His stolid and stern decision about the prize reduction is baseless and illogical considering other carcumstances.
Thirdly, his plan about operating cost reduction is also kind of an assumption. He refers about another shop of their own which did cut its cost by lessening total business hours. It can be the case that that area is kind of countryside and people do not hang around at nights. So, he can not compare two different locations considering the same measurements. it can be or may be the case that most people who rent videos mostly come at night time, so this kind of tactless decision may cause him further reduction of profit.Finally, many people have many choices, so by eliminationg the old movies can cause further destruction of profit because at any time any people can crave for any movies so without considering the customers demand such elimination is almost tends to self destruction.
In sum, the author fails to justify his/her recommendation that operating cost is responsible for profit loss. To be more convincing, the author should provide more information perhaps by way of local survey - to justify his/her assumption. Thinking deep about the author's claim, it comes up that those are valueless and a mere assumption without any strong ground.
Comments
Essay evaluation report
argument 1 -- not OK
argument 2 -- OK
argument 3 -- OK
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Need to argue against the conclusion always. For this topic it is:
Therefore, in order to increase profits without jeopardizing our reputation for offering great movies at low prices, we recommend implementing similar changes in our other nine Movies Galore stores
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 17 15
No. of Words: 433 350
No. of Characters: 2079 1500
No. of Different Words: 205 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.562 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.801 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.642 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 143 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 97 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 67 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 48 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 25.471 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 18.066 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.529 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.331 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.556 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.16 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 349, Rule ID: COMPARISONS_THEN[1]
Message: Did you mean 'older than'?
Suggestion: older than
...ess should be reduced 3 movies that are older then five years will be removed. However, cl...
^^^^^^^^^^
Line 1, column 355, Rule ID: COMP_THAN[3]
Message: Comparison requires 'than', not 'then' nor 'as'.
Suggestion: than
...ould be reduced 3 movies that are older then five years will be removed. However, cl...
^^^^
Line 1, column 397, Rule ID: CLOSE_SCRUTINY[1]
Message: Use simply 'scrutiny'.
Suggestion: scrutiny
...en five years will be removed. However, close scrutiny of each of those facts reveals that non...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 4, column 107, Rule ID: SHOULD_BE_DO[1]
Message: Did you mean 'lessened'?
Suggestion: lessened
...it is the operating cost that should be lessen but how one can be so sure about his pr...
^^^^^^
Line 7, column 178, Rule ID: PERIOD_OF_TIME[1]
Message: Use simply 'period'.
Suggestion: period
... cost of videos may have risen over the period of time and it is high time to increase the cos...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 10, column 58, Rule ID: KIND_OF_A[1]
Message: Don't include 'an' after a classification term. Use simply 'kind of'.
Suggestion: kind of
... about operating cost reduction is also kind of an assumption. He refers about another sho...
^^^^^^^^^^
Line 10, column 289, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...do not hang around at nights. So, he can not compare two different locations cons...
^^
Line 10, column 362, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: It
...ions considering the same measurements. it can be or may be the case that most peo...
^^
Line 10, column 527, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: Finally
...y cause him further reduction of profit.Finally, many people have many choices, so by e...
^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, finally, first, firstly, however, if, may, second, secondly, so, then, third, thirdly, kind of
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 22.0 19.6327345309 112% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 19.0 12.9520958084 147% => OK
Conjunction : 12.0 11.1786427146 107% => OK
Relative clauses : 12.0 13.6137724551 88% => OK
Pronoun: 43.0 28.8173652695 149% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 58.0 55.5748502994 104% => OK
Nominalization: 20.0 16.3942115768 122% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2146.0 2260.96107784 95% => OK
No of words: 430.0 441.139720559 97% => OK
Chars per words: 4.99069767442 5.12650576532 97% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.55372829156 4.56307096286 100% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.76515901947 2.78398813304 99% => OK
Unique words: 208.0 204.123752495 102% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.483720930233 0.468620217663 103% => OK
syllable_count: 668.7 705.55239521 95% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 7.0 4.96107784431 141% => OK
Article: 6.0 8.76447105788 68% => OK
Subordination: 0.0 2.70958083832 0% => More adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 6.0 4.22255489022 142% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 17.0 19.7664670659 86% => OK
Sentence length: 25.0 22.8473053892 109% => OK
Sentence length SD: 86.3426023623 57.8364921388 149% => OK
Chars per sentence: 126.235294118 119.503703932 106% => OK
Words per sentence: 25.2941176471 23.324526521 108% => OK
Discourse Markers: 6.17647058824 5.70786347227 108% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 9.0 5.25449101796 171% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 9.0 8.20758483034 110% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 4.0 6.88822355289 58% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 4.0 4.67664670659 86% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.0693231997687 0.218282227539 32% => The similarity between the topic and the content is low.
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0238852044975 0.0743258471296 32% => Sentence topic similarity is low.
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0265625432447 0.0701772020484 38% => Sentences are similar to each other.
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0430308089338 0.128457276422 33% => Maybe some paragraphs are off the topic.
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0247551918754 0.0628817314937 39% => Paragraphs are similar to each other. Some content may get duplicated or it is not exactly right on the topic.
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 14.7 14.3799401198 102% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 46.1 48.3550499002 95% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 13.0 12.197005988 107% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.96 12.5979740519 95% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.81 8.32208582834 94% => OK
difficult_words: 80.0 98.500998004 81% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 13.5 12.3882235529 109% => OK
gunning_fog: 12.0 11.1389221557 108% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 11.9071856287 101% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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It is not exactly right on the topic in the view of e-grader. Maybe there is a wrong essay topic.
Rates: 16.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 1.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.