"A recent study of eighteen rhesus monkeys provides clues as to the effects of birth order on an individual's levels of stimulation. The study showed that in stimulating situations (such as an encounter with an unfamiliar monkey), firstborn infant monkeys produce up to twice as much of the hormone cortisol, which primes the body for increased activity levels, as do their younger siblings. Firstborn humans also produce relatively high levels of cortisol in stimulating situations (such as the return of a parent after an absence). The study also found that during pregnancy, first-time mother monkeys had higher levels of cortisol than did those who had had several offspring."
Write a response in which you discuss one or more alternative explanations that could rival the proposed explanation and
explain how your explanation(s) can plausibly account for the facts presented in the argument.
In the given argument the author contends that the order of the birth has a vital effect on the stimulation of hormone cartisol which has been supported by illustrating evidences of both human behavior and the characteristics shown in monkeys and their infants. In my opinion the behavior displayed by these species has more to do with psychological effect rather than birth order. My basis of my view has been explicated below.
Author stated that as per the study firstborn infants produce twice as much of the hormone coristol that other siblings when it encounters unfamiliar monkey. Author has assumed that the reason for this sort of behavior is biological and thus associated with the order of birth but it could possibly be that the mother monkey gets more ferocious and aggressive with other unfamiliar crew of its species while bringing up her first infant.
Like any other species monkeys are also new to dealing with predators and other type of threats for its baby, so they remain wary, hence, even the baby looks at unfamiliar monkeys as a threat in a way more exagerated form than it actually is. However, the first experience trains the monkey mother and wile upbringing the consequent infants she behaves in a milder way. In turn the other infants grow more casual in their attitude with comparatively less level of cortisol stimulated.
Similarly, in case of humans as well, most of the parents pamper their first born more and are more expressive in showing their affection. Also, they try to keep their baby close and provide their undivided attention to them which makes it difficult for the baby to deal with the absence and in return when they see their parents after a long time the level of cortison is stimulated highly. Talking about the next babies, the obviously due to increased responsibilities the other kids do not get the same level of pampering or physical closeness with their parents. As these kids are used to the distance, it could possibly explain the reason for comparatively low level of the mentioned hormone.
Lastly, I could explain the higher levels of cortisol in mother monkeys during pregnancy also a function of brain than biological. Our body always releases high level of adrenaline or any other hormone the first time we do something new as there is excitement, anxiety, nervousness and other feelings that are a part of this new experience.As, being a mother for the first time can also stimulate the brain in similar way could be the plausible reason for this discovery.
To conclude my opinion, I agree that the first born have high levels of this hormone as evinced by the studies too, but to state that it is due to the birth order will be wrong. Author should have given compelling reasons to associate this birth order to something concrete. As that information is lacking the authors argument is week and not persuasive enough.
Comments
Essay evaluation report
samples:
https://www.testbig.com/story/gre-argument-essay-topic-2-outline
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: ??? out of 6
Category: Poor Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 17 15
No. of Words: 493 350
No. of Characters: 2359 1500
No. of Different Words: 235 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.712 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.785 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.559 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 154 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 117 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 77 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 53 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 29 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 14.142 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.588 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.313 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.613 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.132 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 6 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 7, column 146, Rule ID: MAY_COULD_POSSIBLY[1]
Message: Use simply 'could'.
Suggestion: could
...sociated with the order of birth but it could possibly be that the mother monkey gets more fer...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 10, column 146, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...irst experience trains the monkey mother and wile upbringing the consequent infan...
^^^
Line 15, column 159, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
... the absence and in return when they see their parents after a long time the leve...
^^^
Line 17, column 136, Rule ID: MAY_COULD_POSSIBLY[1]
Message: Use simply 'could'.
Suggestion: could
...these kids are used to the distance, it could possibly explain the reason for comparatively ...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 17, column 158, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
... the distance, it could possibly explain the reason for comparatively low level o...
^^^
Line 22, column 29, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: As
...that are a part of this new experience.As, being a mother for the first time can ...
^^
Line 24, column 163, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
... state that it is due to the birth order will be wrong. Author should have given ...
^^^
Line 25, column 148, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'authors'' or 'author's'?
Suggestion: authors'; author's
...ete. As that information is lacking the authors argument is week and not persuasive en...
^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
actually, also, but, first, hence, however, if, lastly, look, similarly, so, thus, well, while, sort of, talking about, in my opinion
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 17.0 19.6327345309 87% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 7.0 12.9520958084 54% => OK
Conjunction : 15.0 11.1786427146 134% => OK
Relative clauses : 13.0 13.6137724551 95% => OK
Pronoun: 46.0 28.8173652695 160% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 62.0 55.5748502994 112% => OK
Nominalization: 12.0 16.3942115768 73% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2450.0 2260.96107784 108% => OK
No of words: 492.0 441.139720559 112% => OK
Chars per words: 4.97967479675 5.12650576532 97% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.70967865282 4.56307096286 103% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.6290287033 2.78398813304 94% => OK
Unique words: 242.0 204.123752495 119% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.491869918699 0.468620217663 105% => OK
syllable_count: 756.9 705.55239521 107% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 7.0 4.96107784431 141% => OK
Article: 3.0 8.76447105788 34% => OK
Subordination: 2.0 2.70958083832 74% => OK
Conjunction: 3.0 1.67365269461 179% => OK
Preposition: 7.0 4.22255489022 166% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 17.0 19.7664670659 86% => OK
Sentence length: 28.0 22.8473053892 123% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively long.
Sentence length SD: 77.4228491975 57.8364921388 134% => OK
Chars per sentence: 144.117647059 119.503703932 121% => OK
Words per sentence: 28.9411764706 23.324526521 124% => OK
Discourse Markers: 7.82352941176 5.70786347227 137% => OK
Paragraphs: 21.0 5.15768463074 407% => Less paragraphs wanted.
Language errors: 8.0 5.25449101796 152% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 6.0 8.20758483034 73% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 6.0 6.88822355289 87% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 5.0 4.67664670659 107% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.168278211632 0.218282227539 77% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0584741255584 0.0743258471296 79% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0418284745685 0.0701772020484 60% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0540581767782 0.128457276422 42% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0357533879681 0.0628817314937 57% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 16.5 14.3799401198 115% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 51.52 48.3550499002 107% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 13.0 12.197005988 107% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.2 12.5979740519 97% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.81 8.32208582834 106% => OK
difficult_words: 118.0 98.500998004 120% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 11.5 12.3882235529 93% => OK
gunning_fog: 13.2 11.1389221557 119% => OK
text_standard: 13.0 11.9071856287 109% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Maximum six paragraphs wanted.
Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.