The vice president of human resources at Climpson Industries sent the following recommendation to the company's president.
"In an effort to improve our employees' productivity, we should implement electronic monitoring of employees' Internet use from their workstations. Employees who use the Internet from their workstations need to be identified and punished if we are to reduce the number of work hours spent on personal or recreational activities, such as shopping or playing games. By installing software to detect employees' Internet use on company computers, we can prevent employees from wasting time, foster a better work ethic at Climpson, and improve our overall profits."
In the following recommendation to the company’s president, the vice president of the resources at Climpson industries have proposed to implement electronic monitoring of the employees to improve the company’s productivity and overall profits. The vice president has come to this conclusion based on the issues faced by the company’s that the employees are using internet from their workstation for their personal and recreational activities, such as shopping or playing games. However, before this recommendation can be properly evaluated, two questions must be answered.
Firstly, does the installing software detect employees perfectly? It is possible that software can produce flawed data, or it can be hacked. As the modern technology improved gradually, people use computer in their daily life and more or less all user known about hacking. And in it sector it could be very easy for them to find hole in the installed software and hacked it. Nonetheless, software not always give accurate data every time just because it was also made by another developer and there was always a possibility that it has some errors. If either of these scenarios has merit, then the conclusion drawn in the original argument is significantly weakened.
Secondly, the vice president assuming that employees are only waste their time by using internet. However, this might not be the case. There are plenty of options for the employees to waste their time without using workstation internet, such as gossiping with other employees, using their personal smartphone internet for their personal and recreational activities and taking many more break between their work. In an ideal world, they might choose from any of these options rather than using the office internet to waste time. If the above is true, then the argument does not hold water.
In conclusion, the argument, as it stands now, is considerably flawed due to its reliance on several unwarranted assumptions. If the author is able to answer the two question above and offer more evidence ( perhaps in the form of a systematic research study ), then it will be possible to fully evaluate the viability of the proposed recommendation to implement electronic monitoring of the employees to improve the company’s productivity and overall profits.
Comments
Essay evaluation report
argument 1 -- not OK
argument 2 -- OK
argument 3 -- ??? Minimum 3 arguments wanted.
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 2.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 16 15
No. of Words: 364 350
No. of Characters: 1886 1500
No. of Different Words: 188 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.368 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.181 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.825 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 134 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 112 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 92 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 57 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 22.75 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 12.432 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.75 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.301 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.301 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.057 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 1 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 4, column 204, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...o question above and offer more evidence perhaps in the form of a systematic rese...
^^
Line 4, column 256, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
Suggestion: ,
... the form of a systematic research study , then it will be possible to fully evalu...
^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, first, firstly, however, if, nonetheless, second, secondly, so, then, in conclusion, such as, more or less
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 16.0 19.6327345309 81% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 8.0 12.9520958084 62% => OK
Conjunction : 13.0 11.1786427146 116% => OK
Relative clauses : 4.0 13.6137724551 29% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 29.0 28.8173652695 101% => OK
Preposition: 43.0 55.5748502994 77% => OK
Nominalization: 13.0 16.3942115768 79% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1949.0 2260.96107784 86% => OK
No of words: 364.0 441.139720559 83% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.3543956044 5.12650576532 104% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.36792674256 4.56307096286 96% => OK
Word Length SD: 3.01463746273 2.78398813304 108% => OK
Unique words: 194.0 204.123752495 95% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.532967032967 0.468620217663 114% => OK
syllable_count: 620.1 705.55239521 88% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.7 1.59920159681 106% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 3.0 4.96107784431 60% => OK
Article: 4.0 8.76447105788 46% => OK
Subordination: 6.0 2.70958083832 221% => Less adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 2.0 1.67365269461 119% => OK
Preposition: 4.0 4.22255489022 95% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 16.0 19.7664670659 81% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 22.0 22.8473053892 96% => OK
Sentence length SD: 84.5408324051 57.8364921388 146% => OK
Chars per sentence: 121.8125 119.503703932 102% => OK
Words per sentence: 22.75 23.324526521 98% => OK
Discourse Markers: 7.0 5.70786347227 123% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 5.15768463074 78% => More paragraphs wanted.
Language errors: 2.0 5.25449101796 38% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 9.0 8.20758483034 110% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 5.0 6.88822355289 73% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 2.0 4.67664670659 43% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.164964575326 0.218282227539 76% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0533219952385 0.0743258471296 72% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0927648384178 0.0701772020484 132% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.111185180213 0.128457276422 87% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.090287266227 0.0628817314937 144% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 15.1 14.3799401198 105% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 40.69 48.3550499002 84% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 13.1 12.197005988 107% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 14.05 12.5979740519 112% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.33 8.32208582834 100% => OK
difficult_words: 83.0 98.500998004 84% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 12.0 12.3882235529 97% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.8 11.1389221557 97% => OK
text_standard: 11.0 11.9071856287 92% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 83.33 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 5.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.