Many magazines have pictures of famous people on holiday or with their families.Is it acceptable for famous people to have less privacy than other people?

Essay topics: Many magazines have pictures of famous people on holiday or with their families.
Is it acceptable for famous people to have less privacy than other people?

EugeneDubinchuk's picture

Many think that the personal lives of well-known people might be violated by an intrusive media. Although the stated viewpoint is widespread, there are perhaps stronger reasons to argue against this opinion as will now be presented.

Primarily, having privacy is a basic psychological need of any human being. Although people are social creatures, some psychologists have proved that a certain degree of privacy is needed to maintain mental and physical health. In fact, research which was conducted on such social animals as rats and chimps has decisively showcased that constant exposure to the observer has an adverse effect on the overall health condition of the objects.

In addition, prominent individuals are also citizens; thus, they have a right to have personal life as much as anyone else, and the law protects this right. In other words, the law does not make a distinction between celebrities and people who are not considered famous. Consequently, violation of the law is punishable and reproachable.

Finally, some might state that a lack of privacy is a price to be paid for being famous, and that when a person becomes popular, their personal lives automatically become interesting to the public and as a result this interest ought to be satisfied. Although there is a certain merit to this argument, the subject’s lack of control regarding what is revealed publicly is what negates this opinion.

To sum up, famous people should not be deprived of their personal life because violation of privacy may have negative health consequences. Moreover, there are legal issues at stake, as the law has a clear protocol for all citizens, regardless of their social position.

Votes: 
Average: 7.9 (2 votes)
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3 months 2 days ago EugeneDubinchuk 56 Read full essay
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Extensive reading & listening: - reading & listening can help essay writing
Intensive IELTS reading & listening from Cambridge:

Comments

Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 91, Rule ID: A_PLURAL[2]
Message: Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean 'medium'?
Suggestion: medium
...eople might be violated by an intrusive media. Although the stated viewpoint is wides...
^^^^^
Line 5, column 158, Rule ID: ENGLISH_WORD_REPEAT_BEGINNING_RULE
Message: Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Reword the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
... else, and the law protects this right. In other words, the law does not make a di...
^^

Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, consequently, finally, if, may, moreover, regarding, so, thus, well, in addition, in fact, as a result, in other words, to sum up

Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments

Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 21.0 13.1623246493 160% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 7.0 7.85571142285 89% => OK
Conjunction : 7.0 10.4138276553 67% => OK
Relative clauses : 8.0 7.30460921844 110% => OK
Pronoun: 14.0 24.0651302605 58% => OK
Preposition: 30.0 41.998997996 71% => OK
Nominalization: 7.0 8.3376753507 84% => OK

Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1429.0 1615.20841683 88% => OK
No of words: 274.0 315.596192385 87% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.21532846715 5.12529762239 102% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.0685311056 4.20363070211 97% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.85977958641 2.80592935109 102% => OK
Unique words: 163.0 176.041082164 93% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.594890510949 0.561755894193 106% => OK
syllable_count: 445.5 506.74238477 88% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.60771543086 100% => OK

A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 2.0 5.43587174349 37% => OK
Article: 2.0 2.52805611222 79% => OK
Subordination: 4.0 2.10420841683 190% => OK
Conjunction: 2.0 0.809619238477 247% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 4.0 4.76152304609 84% => OK

Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 12.0 16.0721442886 75% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 22.0 20.2975951904 108% => OK
Sentence length SD: 50.202022425 49.4020404114 102% => OK
Chars per sentence: 119.083333333 106.682146367 112% => OK
Words per sentence: 22.8333333333 20.7667163134 110% => OK
Discourse Markers: 11.25 7.06120827912 159% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 4.38176352705 114% => OK
Language errors: 2.0 5.01903807615 40% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 6.0 8.67935871743 69% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 4.0 3.9879759519 100% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 2.0 3.4128256513 59% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?

Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.241930240211 0.244688304435 99% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0872224349964 0.084324248473 103% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0810295570209 0.0667982634062 121% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.131788320806 0.151304729494 87% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0606897951042 0.056905535591 107% => OK

Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 14.6 13.0946893788 111% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 49.15 50.2224549098 98% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.44779559118 118% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.9 11.3001002004 105% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.29 12.4159519038 107% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 9.4 8.58950901804 109% => OK
difficult_words: 81.0 78.4519038076 103% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 11.0 9.78957915832 112% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.8 10.1190380762 107% => OK
text_standard: 11.0 10.7795591182 102% => OK
What are above readability scores?

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Rates: 78.6516853933 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 7.0 Out of 9
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.

In fact, research which was conducted on such social animals
In fact, researches which are conducted on such social animals

because violation of privacy may have negative health consequences.
because violations of privacy may have negative health consequences.

regardless of their social position.
regardless of their social positions.

flaws:
for IELTS task II, it is a little bit different to TOEFL essays. in TOEFL essays, we always support one side, but for IELTS, we still support one side, but argue in both sides.

like this in 4 paragraphs:

paragraph 1: introduction. Your ideas/opinions here.

paragraph 2: Admittedly, there are some advantages of side A. First, ... Second, ...

paragraph 3: However, still I support side B. First, ... Second, ...

paragraph 4: conclusion.

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or in 5 paragraphs:

paragraph 1: introduction. Your ideas/opinions here.

paragraph 2: Admittedly, there are some advantages of side A. First, ... Second, ...

paragraph 3: However, still I support side B. reason 1 + why reason 1 + example for reason 1 + a small conclusion for reason 1.

paragraph 4: In addition, reason 2 + why reason 2 + example for reason 2+ a small conclusion for reason 2.

paragraph 5: conclusion.

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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 7.0 out of 9
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 3 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 12 15
No. of Words: 274 350
No. of Characters: 1376 1500
No. of Different Words: 157 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.069 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.022 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.716 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 108 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 80 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 58 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 30 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 22.833 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.081 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.667 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.343 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.659 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.04 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 4

Hello Dear Reader,
I am writing to you because I have a couple of questions:

- you have given my two structures for IELTS (task 2) essays but I would like to know more about requirements and unspoken rules that ought to be adhere to in order to get a high score in both tasks.

-you gave me some links to well-scored essays but they are old and have some conspicuous mistakes, for instance, they are too long(370-340 words).Could you provide me with links to novel essays that fulfill all requirements?

Thank you.

Eugene.

For Q1: there are no hidden rules for IELTS essays. Just we realized that this essay style is like an TOEFL essay. So we remind you the styles for IELTS essays. Here go some differences for TOEFL and IELTS essays:

1. TOEFL essays are designed for high school students who are ready to go colleges. So the topics are relatively easy to answer and straight forward. While IELTS essays are initially used for colleges and immigrations both. So the topics are relatively related to more areas in our lives and with more questions.

2. In TOEFL essays, we may contain a lot of personal examples or experiences while IELTS essays want more general examples which can apply to all situations. and the examples should be short, maybe only one sentence.

3. Better to have 5 paragraphs for TOEFL essays while mostly 4 paragraphs are suggested for IELTS essays.

4. We can stick to one side all the time in TOEFL essays, while we need to argue both side for IELTS essays.

5. We can develop as much content as we can in TOEFL essays because there is an e-rater by ETS, while in IELTS essays maybe 300 words are good enough since IELTS essays are graded by human graders. They don't like an essay too long with 500+ words.

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For Q2:
For practice purpose, it is highly recommended to develop around 350 words in testbig site, since a lot of users reported that they can't actually develop that much in actual exam because they are tired and stressed.

second, for those who want to get higher marks 8.0 or more, it is very important to develop more content than normal users who just want 6 or 7. Every body knows that it is harder to have more content in a limited time. So why a user only gave 250 words but wanted 8.0?

Read a real story by a testbig user who got 8.0 with more content:
http://www.testbig.com/ielts-essays/some-people-prefer-spend-their-lives...

The above users mostly got 8.0 out of 9, for sure they are the right samples to read with.

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We have read your IELTS essays submitted, your main issue is 'read topic carefully'. You don't have language issues, just need to write essays according to the topics and follow IELTS styles. You should get 7.5 or over if the essays are developed properly.

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