Famous entertainers and athletes deserve to have more privacy than they have now. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
Superstars like entertainers and athletes have been playing a significantly important role in society. And their lives have been more exposed to the sight of the world than any other kind of careers have been. We care a lot about their privacy. In some people's view, their privacy is deserved to be given more. From my perspective, I can't agree more.
First and foremost, famous people are still normal human beings, and they deserve privacy as much as we do. To start with, they should be respected. As a normal person, one should not be followed when going out to have dinner or date someone. However, in a real-life situation, these people suffered from being stalked. In this situation, many stars have got depression, some of whom even kill themselves. In 2019, Peking University surveyed the mental health and suicide rate of some famous singers. The data has been collected via an interview of 100 people, ages from 20 to 50, 67 men and 37 women. The result showed that 10 of them have light depression, and 20 of them have mid depression, and 30 of them have a heavy depression. What's more, 1 of them has been trying to kill himself twice. The survey also conveys a piece of information that half of the depression is because they don't have a private life of their own. This phenomenon is caused by our pressure given to them. They already have many burdens that society puts on. Why can't we give them more privacy as much as we have?
Secondly, of course, they are lovable and adorable. However, we must love them properly. Not to follow them every day, waiting outside of their home. Not to care where they sleep last night, whom they are dating. Apart from that, unsuitable love will make superstars unsafe, both physically and mentally. Take John Lennon as an example. He is one of the most popular ever in music, culture, and politic, killed by one of his fans because of love. If his privacy is protected more, he will be safer. There are lots of other examples, such as many people are cursed by internet violence. On the internet, people can search where they are and what they do, then judge them without thinking. This is really terrible for the superstars.
Famous people are also normal people, and they should not undergo such tremendous pain of lacking privacy. We should love them in a proper way, giving them as much privacy as we have.
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 335, Rule ID: CANT[1]
Message: Did you mean 'can't' or 'cannot'?
Suggestion: can't; cannot
...o be given more. From my perspective, I cant agree more. First and foremost, fam...
^^^^
Line 3, column 736, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: What's
...and 30 of them have a heavy depression. Whats more, 1 of them has been trying to kill...
^^^^^
Line 3, column 888, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: don't
... half of the depression is because they dont have a private life of their own. This ...
^^^^
Line 3, column 1041, Rule ID: CANT[1]
Message: Did you mean 'can't' or 'cannot'?
Suggestion: can't; cannot
... many burdens that society puts on. Why cant we give them more privacy as much as we...
^^^^
Line 7, column 128, Rule ID: IN_A_X_MANNER[1]
Message: Consider replacing "in a proper way" with adverb for "proper"; eg, "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
...of lacking privacy. We should love them in a proper way, giving them as much privacy as we have...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, first, however, if, really, second, secondly, so, still, then, apart from, kind of, of course, such as, to start with
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 23.0 15.1003584229 152% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 8.0 9.8082437276 82% => OK
Conjunction : 14.0 13.8261648746 101% => OK
Relative clauses : 9.0 11.0286738351 82% => OK
Pronoun: 50.0 43.0788530466 116% => OK
Preposition: 50.0 52.1666666667 96% => OK
Nominalization: 4.0 8.0752688172 50% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1951.0 1977.66487455 99% => OK
No of words: 419.0 407.700716846 103% => OK
Chars per words: 4.65632458234 4.8611393121 96% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.52432199235 4.48103885553 101% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.38727676332 2.67179642975 89% => OK
Unique words: 234.0 212.727598566 110% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.558472553699 0.524837075471 106% => OK
syllable_count: 608.4 618.680645161 98% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.51630824373 99% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 13.0 9.59856630824 135% => OK
Article: 3.0 3.08781362007 97% => OK
Subordination: 2.0 3.51792114695 57% => OK
Conjunction: 6.0 1.86738351254 321% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 9.0 4.94265232975 182% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 31.0 20.6003584229 150% => OK
Sentence length: 13.0 20.1344086022 65% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 28.5938584471 48.9658058833 58% => The essay contains lots of sentences with the similar length. More sentence varieties wanted.
Chars per sentence: 62.935483871 100.406767564 63% => OK
Words per sentence: 13.5161290323 20.6045352989 66% => OK
Discourse Markers: 3.96774193548 5.45110844103 73% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.53405017921 88% => OK
Language errors: 5.0 5.5376344086 90% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 10.0 11.8709677419 84% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 13.0 3.85842293907 337% => Less negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 8.0 4.88709677419 164% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.249521356756 0.236089414692 106% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.060517339459 0.076458572812 79% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0566471808289 0.0737576698707 77% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.160248441684 0.150856017488 106% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0681299486508 0.0645574589148 106% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 7.3 11.7677419355 62% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 66.74 58.1214874552 115% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 6.10430107527 51% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 7.2 10.1575268817 71% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 9.16 10.9000537634 84% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.45 8.01818996416 93% => OK
difficult_words: 84.0 86.8835125448 97% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 5.5 10.002688172 55% => Linsear_write_formula is low.
gunning_fog: 7.2 10.0537634409 72% => OK
text_standard: 8.0 10.247311828 78% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Better to have 5 paragraphs with 3 arguments. And try always support/against one side but compare two sides, like this:
para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1. address both of the views presented for reason 1
para 3: reason 2. address both of the views presented for reason 2
para 4: reason 3. address both of the views presented for reason 3
para 5: conclusion.
So how to find out those reasons. There is a formula:
reasons == advantages or
reasons == disadvantages
for example, we can always apply 'save time', 'save/make money', 'find a job', 'make friends', 'get more information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.
or we can apply 'waste time', 'waste money', 'no job', 'make bad friends', 'get bad information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.
Rates: 70.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 21.0 Out of 30
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.