Students of a university have a long break between university semesters; the university requires all students to do one of the following for one month during the break:
1. Students must take a course on the subject that has no direct connection to their majors of study (For example, a student majoring in engineering may take course in fine arts or social science.)
2. Students must volunteer to work in the university’s city or their hometowns to improve some aspects of life of the city or their own town. (For example, students may help local primary school children with their homework.) Which one do you think is more beneficial for students in their university? Why? Give detailed examples and reasons. Use your OWN words, do NOT use memorized examples
Nowadays, as the technology evolves and creates more and more different and significant job positions, the features which make a person qualified for a job differ. However, the one thing that has not been changed for decades is the need for people who are not only good in academic parts of a job but also brilliant in the practical fields. Even you can find some employers who are more focused on the practical experiences of their employees. so, I personally think it is much more beneficial for students to volunteer and work in different places and various job positions rather than just study a brand-new subject. I will aptly explain my reasons below.
First, let me imply the role of this volunteer practical work in the experience of a student. Most of the time, when an organization wants to hire a person, it looks back at the work experience one has in that special field. employers often assume that the more experienced you are, the more qualified you can be for that job. this matter actually was proved by several studies that scientists carried out. they play up that people who have some practical experience, face more and better job offers and of courses, they have a more successful career. they attribute these outcomes to the experiences one achieves through handling problems, managing stress and confronting hard situations in that voluntary work. let me shed light on a common process around us to emphasize the importance of this issue. A lot of companies now have some training programs for the people whom they are going to hire. The philosophy behind these training programs is this gaining experience process. therefore, you can see how important this factor really is.
As the second reason, I want to point out something which is widely accepted. it's now impossible to neglect the effect of this internship on the student’s knowledge. experiments carried out in the developed countries vividly show that the things students learn from these internships are much more useful and of course, they have learned them better and more deeply. Furthermore, the scientists explain they have found out that there are numerous things one can learn from these experiences such as team work, patience, the art of managing, etc. these features are actually so valuable for the employers because these factors are directly related to the success one can have in his line of work. this is exactly why some universities encourage their students to participate in at least one or two internships or volunteer jobs along with their studying. I, myself, majored in mechanical engineering. I couldn't have achieved the position that I have today in my firm if I hadn't/had I not taken part in three internships through my university years.
As the last reason, I think it's important to pay attention to the changes this experience causes on the social life of the students. because of the rapid development of technology, some students somehow (have)got/get detached from their friends and families or in other words, they got depressed up to different levels. this voluntary work can really be a positive change for these students, a change that can cause them to be happy, extroverted and productive again. I witnessed my closest friend in college going through this exact procedure. she was depressed due to moving away from her family and former friends to the city for college. Her stage of depression was so formidable that her family wanted her back because they were very worried about her health and mental condition. but our professors encouraged her to take part in one of these voluntary works which totally made the tables turn for her. she got happy and healthy again after a short amount of time.
therefore, as the aforementioned points cited, the best possible way to improve your future life is to take part in a voluntary program. specially, it is much more beneficial compared to taking academic courses in different fields. As you can understand, it is highly recommended not only by me or the universities but also by scientists to participate in these kind of programs to get the best out of your youth and build the brightest future for yourself.
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 445, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: So
...actical experiences of their employees. so, I personally think it is much more ben...
^^
Line 5, column 226, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Employers
...perience one has in that special field. employers often assume that the more experienced ...
^^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 328, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: This
...more qualified you can be for that job. this matter actually was proved by several s...
^^^^
Line 5, column 408, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
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Suggestion: They
...al studies that scientists carried out. they play up that people who have some pract...
^^^^
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Suggestion: They
...es, they have a more successful career. they attribute these outcomes to the experie...
^^^^
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Suggestion: Let
...hard situations in that voluntary work. let me shed light on a common process aroun...
^^^
Line 5, column 982, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
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Suggestion: Therefore
...ams is this gaining experience process. therefore, you can see how important this factor ...
^^^^^^^^^
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Suggestion: Its
...out something which is widely accepted. its now impossible to neglect the effect of...
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Suggestion: Experiments
...rnship on the student's knowledge. experiments carried out in the developed countries ...
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Suggestion: This
...ccess one can have in his line of work. this is exactly why some universities encour...
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Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: couldn't
...f, majored in mechanical engineering. I couldnt have achieved the position that I have ...
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Suggestion: hadn't
...ition that I have today in my firm if I hadnt/had I not taken part in three internshi...
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Suggestion: Because
...ses on the social life of the students. because of the rapid development of technology,...
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Suggestion: This
...y got depressed up to different levels. this voluntary work can really be a positive...
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Suggestion: She
...ege going through this exact procedure. she was depressed due to moving away from h...
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Suggestion: But
... about her health and mental condition. but our professors encouraged her to take p...
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Suggestion: She
...h totally made the tables turn for her. she got happy and healthy again after a sho...
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Suggestion: Therefore
...gain after a short amount of time. therefore, as the aforementioned points cited, th...
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Line 17, column 138, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
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Suggestion: Specially
...is to take part in a voluntary program. specially, it is much more beneficial compared to...
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Line 17, column 357, Rule ID: THIS_NNS[2]
Message: Did you mean 'this kind' or 'these kinds'?
Suggestion: this kind; these kinds
...ut also by scientists to participate in these kind of programs to get the best out of your...
^^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
actually, also, but, first, furthermore, however, if, look, really, second, so, therefore, at least, i think, kind of, of course, such as, in other words
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 25.0 15.1003584229 166% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 10.0 9.8082437276 102% => OK
Conjunction : 23.0 13.8261648746 166% => OK
Relative clauses : 20.0 11.0286738351 181% => OK
Pronoun: 87.0 43.0788530466 202% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 87.0 52.1666666667 167% => OK
Nominalization: 11.0 8.0752688172 136% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 3499.0 1977.66487455 177% => OK
No of words: 704.0 407.700716846 173% => Less content wanted.
Chars per words: 4.97017045455 4.8611393121 102% => OK
Fourth root words length: 5.1510191538 4.48103885553 115% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.73345320944 2.67179642975 102% => OK
Unique words: 345.0 212.727598566 162% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.490056818182 0.524837075471 93% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 1089.0 618.680645161 176% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.51630824373 99% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 23.0 9.59856630824 240% => Less pronouns wanted as sentence beginning.
Article: 9.0 3.08781362007 291% => Less articles wanted as sentence beginning.
Subordination: 7.0 3.51792114695 199% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 1.86738351254 54% => OK
Preposition: 1.0 4.94265232975 20% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 34.0 20.6003584229 165% => OK
Sentence length: 20.0 20.1344086022 99% => OK
Sentence length SD: 45.7302626323 48.9658058833 93% => OK
Chars per sentence: 102.911764706 100.406767564 102% => OK
Words per sentence: 20.7058823529 20.6045352989 100% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.5 5.45110844103 83% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 4.53405017921 110% => OK
Language errors: 20.0 5.5376344086 361% => Less language errors wanted.
Sentences with positive sentiment : 22.0 11.8709677419 185% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 5.0 3.85842293907 130% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 7.0 4.88709677419 143% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.157033996196 0.236089414692 67% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0386558329774 0.076458572812 51% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0419010908668 0.0737576698707 57% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0938522329331 0.150856017488 62% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0497359566142 0.0645574589148 77% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 12.3 11.7677419355 105% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 59.64 58.1214874552 103% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 6.10430107527 144% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 9.9 10.1575268817 97% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.55 10.9000537634 106% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.04 8.01818996416 100% => OK
difficult_words: 152.0 86.8835125448 175% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 14.0 10.002688172 140% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.0 10.0537634409 99% => OK
text_standard: 10.0 10.247311828 98% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Write the essay in 30 minutes.
Rates: 70.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 21.0 Out of 30
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.