TPO40
Some parents offer their school-age children money for each high grade (mark) they get in school. Do you think it is a good idea?
The question of whether giving money as a reward to students is a good idea or not, has always been a controversial topic among people with varied points of view. In one side, some people believe that, they have to give prize like money to their children to encourage them to get a hight mark. Otherwise, some people argue them, and they believe students have to get a good mark for themselves not for getting reward. I firmly assert, the second idea carries hight weigh because of expectation and behavior.
First, I beleive that, students have to study for their future because in this way they can see new aspects of life. they can study deeply in their favorite subjects, and be succesful to help some people for having a better life. In a simple word, they have to study to improve their behavior not for getting hight mark. some subjects which are tought in schools are important for our life, and mark is not really important. We have to use them in different situation for making a good dicition. so, I think, if parents give students money as a reward to get hight marks, students will not be able to learn more, they just focus to get money not learn anything. In my opinion, they can not have a good future because they do not know why they are studying.
second, if school-age children give money to hight mark, their expectation will be increase, and whenever they get a hight mark, they expect money. if their parents do not have money to give them, they will be sad and depress. In addition, in the future they will not be able to be succesful because they habit to get money as a reward, so I think they will have problem in their job or relationship because they think for all works that they can do well, they have to get money. one of my brothers who worked in a rich company, had a good position, but he had expectation from his boss to get takes day off as a reward. Finally, one day while they were arguing with each other, he left his job.
All in all, I disagre with giving money to school-age as a prize, and I think parents can give their children their favorite gifts in end of simister not for each high grade.
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 1, Rule ID: WHETHER[3]
Message: Wordiness: Shorten this phrase to the shortest possible suggestion.
Suggestion: Whether; The question whether
The question of whether giving money as a reward to students is...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 118, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: They
...s way they can see new aspects of life. they can study deeply in their favorite subj...
^^^^
Line 5, column 322, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Some
...ir behavior not for getting hight mark. some subjects which are tought in schools ar...
^^^^
Line 5, column 497, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: So
...t situation for making a good dicition. so, I think, if parents give students mone...
^^
Line 9, column 1, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Second
...do not know why they are studying. second, if school-age children give money to h...
^^^^^^
Line 9, column 149, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: If
...ey get a hight mark, they expect money. if their parents do not have money to give...
^^
Line 9, column 481, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: One
...ey can do well, they have to get money. one of my brothers who worked in a rich com...
^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
but, finally, first, if, really, second, so, well, while, i think, in addition, in my opinion
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 13.0 15.1003584229 86% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 10.0 9.8082437276 102% => OK
Conjunction : 10.0 13.8261648746 72% => OK
Relative clauses : 5.0 11.0286738351 45% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 51.0 43.0788530466 118% => OK
Preposition: 47.0 52.1666666667 90% => OK
Nominalization: 8.0 8.0752688172 99% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1757.0 1977.66487455 89% => OK
No of words: 397.0 407.700716846 97% => OK
Chars per words: 4.42569269521 4.8611393121 91% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.46372701284 4.48103885553 100% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.26992534783 2.67179642975 85% => OK
Unique words: 173.0 212.727598566 81% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.435768261965 0.524837075471 83% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 540.9 618.680645161 87% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.4 1.51630824373 92% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 15.0 9.59856630824 156% => OK
Article: 2.0 3.08781362007 65% => OK
Subordination: 3.0 3.51792114695 85% => OK
Conjunction: 6.0 1.86738351254 321% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 5.0 4.94265232975 101% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 17.0 20.6003584229 83% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 23.0 20.1344086022 114% => OK
Sentence length SD: 44.9089813845 48.9658058833 92% => OK
Chars per sentence: 103.352941176 100.406767564 103% => OK
Words per sentence: 23.3529411765 20.6045352989 113% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.47058823529 5.45110844103 100% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.53405017921 88% => OK
Language errors: 7.0 5.5376344086 126% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 11.0 11.8709677419 93% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 4.0 3.85842293907 104% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 2.0 4.88709677419 41% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.409811786869 0.236089414692 174% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.147052238295 0.076458572812 192% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0854479517953 0.0737576698707 116% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.28707528873 0.150856017488 190% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0508349764588 0.0645574589148 79% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 11.1 11.7677419355 94% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 65.05 58.1214874552 112% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 6.10430107527 51% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 9.9 10.1575268817 97% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 8.71 10.9000537634 80% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 6.73 8.01818996416 84% => OK
difficult_words: 49.0 86.8835125448 56% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 10.5 10.002688172 105% => OK
gunning_fog: 11.2 10.0537634409 111% => OK
text_standard: 11.0 10.247311828 107% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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We are expecting: No. of Words: 350 while No. of Different Words: 200
Better to have 5 paragraphs with 3 arguments. And try always support/against one side but compare two sides, like this:
para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1. address both of the views presented for reason 1
para 3: reason 2. address both of the views presented for reason 2
para 4: reason 3. address both of the views presented for reason 3
para 5: conclusion.
So how to find out those reasons. There is a formula:
reasons == advantages or
reasons == disadvantages
for example, we can always apply 'save time', 'save/make money', 'find a job', 'make friends', 'get more information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.
or we can apply 'waste time', 'waste money', 'no job', 'make bad friends', 'get bad information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.
Rates: 63.3333333333 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 19.0 Out of 30
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.