The following appeared as a recommendation by a committee planning a ten-year budget for the city of Calatrava.
"The birthrate in our city is declining: in fact, last year's birthrate was only one-half that of five years ago. Thus the number of students enrolled in our public schools will soon decrease dramatically, and we can safely reduce the funds budgeted for education during the next decade. At the same time, we can reduce funding for athletic playing fields and other recreational facilities. As a result, we will have sufficient money to fund city facilities and programs used primarily by adults, since we can expect the adult population of the city to increase."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
In the given prompt, the committee of the city of Calatrava wants to redirect funds from education and student recreation sector to provide facilities for adults, as they assume the adult pouplation of the city is likely to increase. However, this doesn't seem to be the case: having less number of students enrolled in public schools and comparing birthrate from five years age and present time and predicting the birth rate. Do not give a clear picture of the youth population of Calatrava. The following points will further help to explain the flaws in the unstated assumptions made by the committee.
Firstly, It is generalized birthrate of the town has been declining because it is lower compared to five years ago. This is a vague assumption as nohting can be said about the four years in between : the birth rate in those middle years may have risen, fallen or fluctuated in different patterns. It is said the birthrate is half, but does not cleraly specify half in what sense, no clear deifinitons of birthrate has been stated. Assuming that birthrate is the number of babies born in an year, while not accounting for the demise for babies at birth gives a false representation of the number. Suppose, five years ago 1000 babies were born and later on 700 died on birth : then the birthrate is still 1000. Whereas, at present if 500 babies were born and 50 died at birth, then birthrate is half as compared to 5 years ago but number of babies born is more at present. Similarly, in the prompt this unstated assumption if proved correct would weaken the arugement.
Secondly, If less number of students enrolled for public schools It does not mean that less children are doing to schools or less children are being born. It simply means people are opting for private shcools and home education over publice school is the city. This may be due to poor educational services provided in the public school or the school are really far from residential areas making it harder to commute to public schools or the school may have poor and old infrastructure, which is not attracting and students. So, less children enrolled in school cannot be an indication of the youth population in the city.
Finally, It is assumed that adult population in the city is going to boom and so funds be migrated towards the activites and facilities catering to them. This cannot be clearly said nothing about the life expectany and moratlity rate of the poeple in the town has been spoken about. Also, reducing funding towards atheletic recreational acitvites will make the students lethargic and weak and will suffer from improper physical development. The adults who are intrested in such activites will also not find places where they can spend their leisure time and time with their families. In the future if these adults have kids they would not like if the city has lack of such facilites catering the need of their children. Making it a poor decision for the committee.
The following stated points show how the arguements is flawed and how some assumptions have been overlooked. The assumption that the youth population in the town is decreasing is weakend by the given facts in the essay.
Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.5 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 9 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 23 2
No. of Sentences: 23 15
No. of Words: 548 350
No. of Characters: 2585 1500
No. of Different Words: 247 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.838 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.717 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.488 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 176 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 124 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 89 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 59 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 23.826 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.453 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.652 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.283 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.499 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.063 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 245, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: doesn't
...city is likely to increase However this doesnt seem to be the case having less number ...
^^^^^^
Line 3, column 196, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
... be said about the four years in between the birth rate in those middle years may...
^^
Line 3, column 480, Rule ID: EN_A_VS_AN
Message: Use 'a' instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
Suggestion: a
...rthrate is the number of babies born in an year while not accounting for the demis...
^^
Line 3, column 662, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...were born and later on 700 died on birth then the birthrate is still 1000 Whereas...
^^^
Line 3, column 950, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...roved correct would weaken the arugement Secondly If less number of students enro...
^^^^^
Line 5, column 87, Rule ID: FEWER_LESS[2]
Message: Did you mean 'fewer'? The noun children is countable.
Suggestion: fewer
...or public schools It does not mean that less children are doing to schools or less c...
^^^^
Line 5, column 125, Rule ID: FEWER_LESS[2]
Message: Did you mean 'fewer'? The noun children is countable.
Suggestion: fewer
...t less children are doing to schools or less children are being born It simply means...
^^^^
Line 5, column 523, Rule ID: FEWER_LESS[2]
Message: Did you mean 'fewer'? The noun children is countable.
Suggestion: fewer
...which is not attracting and students So less children enrolled in school cannot be a...
^^^^
Line 5, column 615, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...tion of the youth population in the city Finally It is assumed that adult populat...
^^^^^
Line 7, column 1, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Finally,
...of the youth population in the city Finally It is assumed that adult population in ...
^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 448, Rule ID: WHO_NOUN[1]
Message: A noun should not follow "who". Try changing to a verb or maybe to 'who is a are'.
Suggestion: who is a are
...mproper physical development The adults who are intrested in such activites will also n...
^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, finally, first, firstly, however, if, look, may, really, second, secondly, similarly, so, still, then, whereas, while
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 35.0 19.6327345309 178% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 14.0 12.9520958084 108% => OK
Conjunction : 22.0 11.1786427146 197% => OK
Relative clauses : 7.0 13.6137724551 51% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 26.0 28.8173652695 90% => OK
Preposition: 66.0 55.5748502994 119% => OK
Nominalization: 15.0 16.3942115768 91% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2601.0 2260.96107784 115% => OK
No of words: 547.0 441.139720559 124% => OK
Chars per words: 4.7550274223 5.12650576532 93% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.83611736076 4.56307096286 106% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.48611005917 2.78398813304 89% => OK
Unique words: 238.0 204.123752495 117% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.435100548446 0.468620217663 93% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 805.5 705.55239521 114% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 0.0 4.96107784431 0% => OK
Article: 1.0 8.76447105788 11% => OK
Subordination: 0.0 2.70958083832 0% => More adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 1.0 4.22255489022 24% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 1.0 19.7664670659 5% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 547.0 22.8473053892 2394% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively long.
Sentence length SD: 0.0 57.8364921388 0% => The essay contains lots of sentences with the similar length. More sentence varieties wanted.
Chars per sentence: 2601.0 119.503703932 2177% => Less chars_per_sentence wanted.
Words per sentence: 547.0 23.324526521 2345% => Less words per sentence wanted.
Discourse Markers: 128.0 5.70786347227 2243% => Less transition words/phrases wanted.
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 11.0 5.25449101796 209% => Less language errors wanted.
Sentences with positive sentiment : 0.0 8.20758483034 0% => More positive sentences wanted.
Sentences with negative sentiment : 1.0 6.88822355289 15% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 0.0 4.67664670659 0% => More facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.268296449407 0.218282227539 123% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.268296449407 0.0743258471296 361% => Sentence topic similarity is high.
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0 0.0701772020484 0% => Sentences are similar to each other.
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.132022867545 0.128457276422 103% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0999293504293 0.0628817314937 159% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 274.5 14.3799401198 1909% => Automated_readability_index is high.
flesch_reading_ease: -475.27 48.3550499002 -983% => Flesch_reading_ease is low.
smog_index: 0.0 7.1628742515 0% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 215.4 12.197005988 1766% => Flesch kincaid grade is high.
coleman_liau_index: 11.81 12.5979740519 94% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 33.6 8.32208582834 404% => Dale chall readability score is high.
difficult_words: 98.0 98.500998004 99% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 56.0 12.3882235529 452% => Linsear_write_formula is high.
gunning_fog: 220.8 11.1389221557 1982% => Gunning_fog is high.
text_standard: 221.0 11.9071856287 1856% => The average readability is very high. Good job!
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.