In 1992, many farmers in Jalikistan began using a hormone designed to produce larger cows that would produce more milk. Since then, childhood obesity in Jalikistan has grown by 200 percent. The amount of milk and dairy consumed by children in this area has not increased or decreased. Children in the same area who are lactose intolerant, and who drink almond milk or soy milk, have not had the same increase in childhood obesity. The only clear explanation is that the introduction of the hormone is responsible for the increase in childhood obesity in that area.
Write a response in which you discuss one or more viable alternatives to the proposed explanation. Justify, with support, why the alternatives could rival the proposed explanation and explain how those explanation(s) can plausibly account for the facts presented in the argument.
The author of the argument draws a correlation between the use of hormones in cows with the increased rate of childhood obesity in Jalikistan. He presented evidence to suggest that the children who did drink milk gained weight while the lactose intolerant children stayed the same weight. The claim is deeply flawed due to a lack of relevant evidence, unaddressed assumptions, and vague terminology.
The hormone’s intended use was to create larger cows, but an assumption is made that the hormone directly effected the milk. The increase of body mass may affect the skeletal and muscular structure of an organism, but no tests were conducted between cows that did and did not take the hormone supplements. Therefore the claim that the hormone effected the milk is unsubstantiated.
Additionally, the author gives no claim as too how childhood obesity is measured. Surely as children grow up, they gain weight so the percent increase can lump in children that are gaining weight normally. The author could have provided base metabolic index, weight, activity level of these studied children to accurately show that their bodies are actually gaining fat.
It is possible that the hormone does have an effect on children. If It can make one mammal larger, it can have the same affect on humans. With further testing, it would be possible to show a causation between this hormone intake and children gaining weight. Depending on the hormone, it’s equally as likely that the children’s muscle mass would increase as fat would. If it’s increased muscle, then you cannot label this phenomena a child obesity crisis.
With more analysis, it’s possible to understand the effects of this hormone and while children are gaining weight. Until then, this argument has too many assumptions and flaws based on correlation and not causation.
Comments
Essay evaluation report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 16 15
No. of Words: 298 350
No. of Characters: 1495 1500
No. of Different Words: 154 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.155 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.017 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.563 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 117 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 87 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 62 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 29 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 18.625 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 5.195 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.625 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.341 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.596 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.086 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 364, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...a lack of relevant evidence, unaddressed assumptions, and vague terminology. T...
^^
Line 3, column 131, Rule ID: ENGLISH_WORD_REPEAT_BEGINNING_RULE
Message: Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Reword the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
...the hormone directly effected the milk. The increase of body mass may affect the sk...
^^^
Line 3, column 312, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Therefore,
...d did not take the hormone supplements. Therefore the claim that the hormone effected the...
^^^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 121, Rule ID: AFFECT_EFFECT[1]
Message: Did you mean 'effect'?
Suggestion: effect
...one mammal larger, it can have the same affect on humans. With further testing, it would ...
^^^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 295, Rule ID: EQUALLY_AS[1]
Message: Don't say 'equally as'. You can use either 'equally' or 'as' on its own. When comparing two nouns, use 'just as'.
Suggestion: equally; as; just as
...ht. Depending on the hormone, it's equally as likely that the children's muscle ...
^^^^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 432, Rule ID: THIS_NNS[1]
Message: Did you mean 'these'?
Suggestion: these
...increased muscle, then you cannot label this phenomena a child obesity crisis. W...
^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
actually, but, if, may, so, then, therefore, while, as to
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 11.0 19.6327345309 56% => More to be verbs wanted.
Auxiliary verbs: 9.0 12.9520958084 69% => OK
Conjunction : 9.0 11.1786427146 81% => OK
Relative clauses : 9.0 13.6137724551 66% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 22.0 28.8173652695 76% => OK
Preposition: 29.0 55.5748502994 52% => More preposition wanted.
Nominalization: 9.0 16.3942115768 55% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1566.0 2260.96107784 69% => OK
No of words: 298.0 441.139720559 68% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.25503355705 5.12650576532 103% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.15483772266 4.56307096286 91% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.7732661087 2.78398813304 100% => OK
Unique words: 165.0 204.123752495 81% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.553691275168 0.468620217663 118% => OK
syllable_count: 481.5 705.55239521 68% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 6.0 4.96107784431 121% => OK
Article: 6.0 8.76447105788 68% => OK
Subordination: 3.0 2.70958083832 111% => OK
Conjunction: 3.0 1.67365269461 179% => OK
Preposition: 3.0 4.22255489022 71% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 16.0 19.7664670659 81% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 18.0 22.8473053892 79% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 32.2722186059 57.8364921388 56% => The essay contains lots of sentences with the similar length. More sentence varieties wanted.
Chars per sentence: 97.875 119.503703932 82% => OK
Words per sentence: 18.625 23.324526521 80% => OK
Discourse Markers: 3.5625 5.70786347227 62% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 6.0 5.25449101796 114% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 7.0 8.20758483034 85% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 6.0 6.88822355289 87% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 3.0 4.67664670659 64% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.214628665079 0.218282227539 98% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.075636369893 0.0743258471296 102% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.045808068498 0.0701772020484 65% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.124781500815 0.128457276422 97% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0307735221253 0.0628817314937 49% => Paragraphs are similar to each other. Some content may get duplicated or it is not exactly right on the topic.
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 12.7 14.3799401198 88% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 53.21 48.3550499002 110% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 10.3 12.197005988 84% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.23 12.5979740519 105% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.45 8.32208582834 102% => OK
difficult_words: 74.0 98.500998004 75% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 11.5 12.3882235529 93% => OK
gunning_fog: 9.2 11.1389221557 83% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 11.9071856287 76% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.