66. The following appeared in a memo from the owner of a chain of cheese stores located throughout the United States.
"For many years all the stores in our chain have stocked a wide variety of both domestic and imported cheeses. Last year, however, all of the five best-selling cheeses at our newest store were domestic cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin. Furthermore, a recent survey by Cheeses of the World magazine indicates an increasing preference for domestic cheeses among its subscribers. Since our company can reduce expenses by limiting inventory, the best way to improve profits in all of our stores is to discontinuestocking many of our varieties of imported cheese and concentrate primarily on domestic cheeses."
The author asserts that limiting inventory and focusing only for domestic cheese would elevate profits based on the sales ranking and magazine survey. Admittedly, the author’s argument might be hold true in certain cases, article failed to provide generally accepted evidence, eventually leads to critical questions threaten the issue.
First of all, the author claims that domestic cheese dominated top five sales rank at newest store from Wisconsin on last year, so customer needs are concentrated on domestic cheese. By doing so, the author assumes domestic cheese is more favorable in nationwide cheese store, so that can make more profits than improted one. The author, however, overlooks other possible causes such as place displacement. If, for example, since newest store held yearly campaign for selling local cheese at remarkably alleviated price, and it coincided exactly customers needs for local food, top 5 sales of domestic cheese would be resulted, as a irregular, furthermore temporary issues.Therefore, to conclude whether this strategy is sustainable for long term and avaliable at other stores, the author should provide further evidence with general pricing data, or preference at other region, since the stores are nationwidelly spreaded.
Similarly, the writer cites recent survey from specific magazine to argue that general customers prefer domestic cheese, but this may also be damaged without validating survey as a meaningful data. In other words, the data of preference are drawn from a sample that may not represent the entire customer. The sample number might have not large enough, since participants are not specified. Even if considerble data are gathered, that might have alredy been biased because the of the color of subscribers. If, for example, the magazine targetted its readers to domestic cheese producer, large portion of subscribers would prefer domestic cheese as a result, thus respondants of survey would be slightly differents with general custormers nationwide. Therefore, the author needs to supply whether the survey represents customers preference, so it can leads the fact what customers actually desire to purchase in the store.
Even if domestic cheese is popular, as the author claims, the plan for limiting inventory still needs specific data for profits by calculating actual margins of domestic and imported cheese, which is final purpose of idea. Hence there are no significant information for margin, the plan has possibility, which large portion of domestic cheese sales are offset by its low profit. Accordingly, the argument needs to be bolstered with specific analysis of income from both categories.
In sum, the argument is not well supported and based on incomplete assumptions. In order to support it, the author have to provide further evidence such as national store’s long term sales data, survey representitiveness, with detailed profits of cheese category for an logical decision.
Comments
Essay evaluation report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.5 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 18 15
No. of Words: 456 350
No. of Characters: 2438 1500
No. of Different Words: 229 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.621 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.346 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.66 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 204 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 145 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 107 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 57 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 25.333 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 15.118 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.778 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.331 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.331 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.079 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 1 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 2, column 631, Rule ID: EN_A_VS_AN
Message: Use 'an' instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
Suggestion: an
...f domestic cheese would be resulted, as a irregular, furthermore temporary issues...
^
Line 2, column 673, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: Therefore
...irregular, furthermore temporary issues.Therefore, to conclude whether this strategy is s...
^^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 849, Rule ID: DID_BASEFORM[1]
Message: The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: 'lead'
Suggestion: lead
...resents customers preference, so it can leads the fact what customers actually desire...
^^^^^
Line 4, column 223, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Hence,
...cheese, which is final purpose of idea. Hence there are no significant information fo...
^^^^^
Line 5, column 272, Rule ID: EN_A_VS_AN
Message: Use 'a' instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
Suggestion: a
...detailed profits of cheese category for an logical decision.
^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
accordingly, actually, also, but, first, furthermore, hence, however, if, look, may, similarly, so, still, therefore, thus, well, for example, such as, as a result, first of all, in other words
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 18.0 19.6327345309 92% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 12.0 12.9520958084 93% => OK
Conjunction : 8.0 11.1786427146 72% => OK
Relative clauses : 8.0 13.6137724551 59% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 13.0 28.8173652695 45% => OK
Preposition: 51.0 55.5748502994 92% => OK
Nominalization: 13.0 16.3942115768 79% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2516.0 2260.96107784 111% => OK
No of words: 455.0 441.139720559 103% => OK
Chars per words: 5.52967032967 5.12650576532 108% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.61852021839 4.56307096286 101% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.82909649575 2.78398813304 102% => OK
Unique words: 243.0 204.123752495 119% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.534065934066 0.468620217663 114% => OK
syllable_count: 802.8 705.55239521 114% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.8 1.59920159681 113% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 1.0 4.96107784431 20% => OK
Article: 16.0 8.76447105788 183% => OK
Subordination: 8.0 2.70958083832 295% => Less adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 3.0 1.67365269461 179% => OK
Preposition: 9.0 4.22255489022 213% => Less preposition wanted as sentence beginnings.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 17.0 19.7664670659 86% => OK
Sentence length: 26.0 22.8473053892 114% => OK
Sentence length SD: 99.2970796882 57.8364921388 172% => OK
Chars per sentence: 148.0 119.503703932 124% => OK
Words per sentence: 26.7647058824 23.324526521 115% => OK
Discourse Markers: 11.3529411765 5.70786347227 199% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 5.0 5.25449101796 95% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 9.0 8.20758483034 110% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 5.0 6.88822355289 73% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 3.0 4.67664670659 64% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.180485512845 0.218282227539 83% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0597590787186 0.0743258471296 80% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0475762680432 0.0701772020484 68% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0994009486066 0.128457276422 77% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0507842929774 0.0628817314937 81% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 18.0 14.3799401198 125% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 28.17 48.3550499002 58% => Flesch_reading_ease is low.
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 15.8 12.197005988 130% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 15.09 12.5979740519 120% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 9.72 8.32208582834 117% => OK
difficult_words: 138.0 98.500998004 140% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 14.5 12.3882235529 117% => OK
gunning_fog: 12.4 11.1389221557 111% => OK
text_standard: 16.0 11.9071856287 134% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 83.33 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 5.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.