The following appeared in a health newsletter.
"A ten-year nationwide study of the effectiveness of wearing a helmet while bicycling indicates that ten years ago, approximately 35 percent of all bicyclists reported wearing helmets, whereas today that number is nearly 80 percent. Another study, however, suggests that during the same ten-year period, the number of accidents caused by bicycling has increased 200 percent. These results demonstrate that bicyclists feel safer because they are wearing helmets, and they take more risks as a result. Thus, there is clearly a call for the government to strive to reduce the number of serious injuries from bicycle accidents by launching an education program that concentrates on the factors other than helmet use that are necessary for bicycle safety."
In this news letter, the author claims that the government have try to reduce the number of accidents by educating bicyclists with focusing on the other factors which are necessary for bicycle safety rather than using helmet. To support her argument, the author cites a Ten-year nationwide study which indicates that the rate of people who wears a helmet during riding bicycles increase approximately 35% for 10 years and the effectiveness of using helmet. And she cites another study which indicates that the number of accidents which are related to bicycles have increased 200%. And she assumes, based on this study, that the reason of increased number of accidents is that the riders feel safer when they wears helmet and this feeling cause them to take more risks. It seems plausible first, however, this argument has several logical problems.
To begin with, based on the fact that the number of accidents increased during the terms of study and her assumption which thinks that the reason of increased accidents is bicyclists' risk taking tendencies which come from wearing helmet, the author hastily assumes that the increased number of accidents is only because of riders' carelessness. However, there could be other factors which could cause accidents. For example, the carelessness of pedestrian or car drivers' carelessness could be reason ,not bicyclists'. If the author cannot rule out this problem, this argument is not cogent.
Secondly, based on the 35% increase in the rate of people who wear helmet during bicycling during the terms of study, the author assumes that the result of this study can show that effectiveness of helmet. However, the number of people who wears helmet could not be related to effectiveness of helmet. Common sense tells us that many people use safety equipment, whether it is related to bike or car, because of observing safety law rather than their convenience. If this is true this argument has no ground.
Thirdly, even if we admit other problems are true, there is another critical problem. Based on two surveys, the author wrongly presumes that the result of two surveys will be same in the future. However, the bicyclists would show other tendency for using helmet or risk-taking riding. For example, they could not prefer dangerous riding or, even, their rate of using helmet could decrease. Until she explain why she thinks the inclination of the people is stable, this argument is not cogent
To summarize, this argument is still dubious as it stands. To make this newsletter more persuasive, the author has to additional data which indicate the real reason for increased number of accidents and has to explain why she thinks that the rate of using helmet during bicycling can be an indicator of the effectiveness of helmet. To evaluate better, we have to know whether the result of two surveys will be same or continuous in the future.
Comments
Essay evaluation report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 21 15
No. of Words: 479 350
No. of Characters: 2352 1500
No. of Different Words: 187 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.678 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.91 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.475 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 181 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 109 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 71 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 50 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 22.81 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 12.734 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.571 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.336 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.516 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.181 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 65, Rule ID: HAVE_PART_AGREEMENT[1]
Message: Use past participle here: 'tried'.
Suggestion: tried
... author claims that the government have try to reduce the number of accidents by ed...
^^^
Line 1, column 709, Rule ID: NON3PRS_VERB[2]
Message: The pronoun 'they' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: 'wear'
Suggestion: wear
...is that the riders feel safer when they wears helmet and this feeling cause them to t...
^^^^^
Line 3, column 499, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
Suggestion: ,
...car drivers carelessness could be reason ,not bicyclists. If the author cannot rul...
^^
Line 5, column 465, Rule ID: SENTENCE_FRAGMENT[1]
Message: “If” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
...fety law rather than their convenience. If this is true this argument has no groun...
^^
Line 7, column 401, Rule ID: HE_VERB_AGR[1]
Message: The pronoun 'she' must be used with a third-person verb: 'explains'.
Suggestion: explains
... using helmet could decrease. Until she explain why she thinks the inclination of the p...
^^^^^^^
Line 9, column 333, Rule ID: ENGLISH_WORD_REPEAT_BEGINNING_RULE
Message: Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Reword the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
...dicator of the effectiveness of helmet. To evaluate better, we have to know whethe...
^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
first, however, if, second, secondly, so, still, third, thirdly, as to, for example, to begin with
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 19.0 19.6327345309 97% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 12.0 12.9520958084 93% => OK
Conjunction : 11.0 11.1786427146 98% => OK
Relative clauses : 25.0 13.6137724551 184% => OK
Pronoun: 43.0 28.8173652695 149% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 60.0 55.5748502994 108% => OK
Nominalization: 11.0 16.3942115768 67% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2419.0 2260.96107784 107% => OK
No of words: 479.0 441.139720559 109% => OK
Chars per words: 5.05010438413 5.12650576532 99% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.67825486995 4.56307096286 103% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.55211500496 2.78398813304 92% => OK
Unique words: 198.0 204.123752495 97% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.413361169102 0.468620217663 88% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 743.4 705.55239521 105% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 9.0 4.96107784431 181% => OK
Article: 9.0 8.76447105788 103% => OK
Subordination: 5.0 2.70958083832 185% => OK
Conjunction: 2.0 1.67365269461 119% => OK
Preposition: 8.0 4.22255489022 189% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 20.0 19.7664670659 101% => OK
Sentence length: 23.0 22.8473053892 101% => OK
Sentence length SD: 76.3897080764 57.8364921388 132% => OK
Chars per sentence: 120.95 119.503703932 101% => OK
Words per sentence: 23.95 23.324526521 103% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.9 5.70786347227 86% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 6.0 5.25449101796 114% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 10.0 8.20758483034 122% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 8.0 6.88822355289 116% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 2.0 4.67664670659 43% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.155656548357 0.218282227539 71% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.052823909527 0.0743258471296 71% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0835479592479 0.0701772020484 119% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0971662878839 0.128457276422 76% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0656524126154 0.0628817314937 104% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 14.3 14.3799401198 99% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 48.13 48.3550499002 100% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 12.3 12.197005988 101% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.31 12.5979740519 98% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.68 8.32208582834 92% => OK
difficult_words: 88.0 98.500998004 89% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 14.0 12.3882235529 113% => OK
gunning_fog: 11.2 11.1389221557 101% => OK
text_standard: 14.0 11.9071856287 118% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.