The following appeared in a memo from New Ventures Consulting to the president of HobCo, Inc., a chain of hobby shops.
"Our team has completed its research on suitable building sites for a new HobCo hobby Shop in the city of Grilldon. We discovered that there are currently no hobby shops in southeastern Grilldon. When our researchers conducted a poll of area residents, 88 percent of those who responded indicated that they would welcome the opening of a hobby shop in southeastern Grilldon. Grilldon is in a region of the nation in which the hobby business has increased by 300 percent during the past decade. In addition, Grilldon has a very large population of retirees, a demographic with ample time to devote to hobbies. We therefore recommend that you choose southeastern Grilldon as the site for your next HobCo Hobby Shop. We predict that a shop in this area will draw a steady stream of enthusiastic new HobCo customers."
Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation is likely to have the predicted result. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.
The author argues here that builing of a new hobby shop in Grilldon would definitely be profitable since many people will take interest in buying from these shops. Stated in this way, the author failed to mention several key factors on the basis of which the argument needs to be evaluated. To better evalute the argument, the author reasons that since currently there are not a single hobby shop in Grilldon city and therefore building of hobby shops would surely attract the customers there. However, careful scrutiny of the argument claims that it provides little creditable support to authors argument. Hence the argument can be considered as incomplete and unsubstantiated.
First of all, the author didn't mention anything about the interest of people of Grilldon city in hobby products. Possibly, there are other local shops which suits people to buy same products as available at hobby shops and these shops are convenient and more auspecious to people there. Furthermore, the author claimed that since 88 percent of the people would like a hobby shop to be build in Southeastern Grilldon. However, it's not sure that the people who have given their review are from Grilldon or anywhere else. If they are from some other areas, then the review would be inadequate to consider. Additionally, we can't really say that 88 percent is a bigger number. If the total number of people who have reviewed are less, then 88 percent would be a less number to consider. Therefore, if the author had mentioned some evidence which shows serious interest of Grilldon people in hobby shop and has given the actual number of people from Grilldon who has submitted the review, then the argument could be more cogent.
Furthermore, the author claims that since most of the people living in the city of Grilldon are retired people and hence they would have much time to go to hobby shops for purchasing and would like to buy products from there. Furthermore, the author failed to mention whether these people are actually interested in buying from hobby shops or there are other convenient ways like online shopping etc. for buying the products. It would be really fundamental to know about their source of shopping of the products in the absence of the hobby shops. If the author had mentioned those sources then the argument look more convenient to analyze.
Finally, the author mentioned that there is a huge increase in hobby bussiness of 300 percent in past decades. Hence, since the business has enhanced so there should be defnintely some other ways to buy those products. If those ways are convenient and provides ease to people then why would people want to go and waste time in purchasing products from hobby shop. Additionally, the amount of hobby products should also be considered. If the hobby shops provides more amount on each product then from other local shops, then people would impersuasive for people to buy products from hobby shop. There, the above information should be given by the author in order to analyze the argument in an adequate manner.
In conclusion, the author's argument is unpersuasive as it stands. To bolster it further, the author must provide better concrete evidences, perhaps by the way of reliable survey about the number of people in Grilldon who are interested in hobby products from hobby stores. Finally, to better assess the argument, it would be necessary to know about the other sources of hobby products that whether there are local shops for that or people would buy these products online.
Comments
Essay evaluation report
Sentence: Possibly, there are other local shops which suits people to buy same products as available at hobby shops and these shops are convenient and more auspecious to people there.
Error: auspecious Suggestion: auspicious
Sentence: Finally, the author mentioned that there is a huge increase in hobby bussiness of 300 percent in past decades.
Error: bussiness Suggestion: business
Sentence: Hence, since the business has enhanced so there should be defnintely some other ways to buy those products.
Error: defnintely Suggestion: definitely
Sentence: If the hobby shops provides more amount on each product then from other local shops, then people would impersuasive for people to buy products from hobby shop.
Error: impersuasive Suggestion: No alternate word
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argument 1 -- not OK
argument 2 -- OK
argument 3 -- not exactly. better way: the survey may not work for the city.
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also need to argue:
We therefore recommend that you choose southeastern Grilldon as the site for your next HobCo Hobby Shop. We predict that a shop in this area will draw a steady stream of enthusiastic new HobCo customers.
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.0 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 4 2
No. of Sentences: 26 15
No. of Words: 594 350
No. of Characters: 2884 1500
No. of Different Words: 211 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.937 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.855 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.399 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 207 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 134 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 98 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 42 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 22.846 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.769 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.846 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.36 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.512 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.12 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 608, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Hence,
...creditable support to authors argument. Hence the argument can be considered as incom...
^^^^^
Line 3, column 26, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: didn't
...stantiated. First of all, the author didnt mention anything about the interest of ...
^^^^^
Line 3, column 621, Rule ID: CANT[1]
Message: Did you mean 'can't' or 'cannot'?
Suggestion: can't; cannot
...nadequate to consider. Additionally, we cant really say that 88 percent is a bigger ...
^^^^
Line 5, column 227, Rule ID: ENGLISH_WORD_REPEAT_BEGINNING_RULE
Message: Two successive sentences begin with the same adverb. Reword the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
... would like to buy products from there. Furthermore, the author failed to mention whether t...
^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 548, Rule ID: SENTENCE_FRAGMENT[1]
Message: “If” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
...ucts in the absence of the hobby shops. If the author had mentioned those sources ...
^^
Line 7, column 687, Rule ID: IN_A_X_MANNER[1]
Message: Consider replacing "in an adequate manner" with adverb for "adequate"; eg, "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
...author in order to analyze the argument in an adequate manner. In conclusion, the authors argument...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 9, column 20, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'authors'' or 'author's'?
Suggestion: authors'; author's
... adequate manner. In conclusion, the authors argument is unpersuasive as it stands. ...
^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
actually, also, finally, first, furthermore, hence, however, if, look, really, so, then, therefore, in conclusion, by the way, first of all
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 27.0 19.6327345309 138% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 19.0 12.9520958084 147% => OK
Conjunction : 12.0 11.1786427146 107% => OK
Relative clauses : 17.0 13.6137724551 125% => OK
Pronoun: 29.0 28.8173652695 101% => OK
Preposition: 91.0 55.5748502994 164% => OK
Nominalization: 16.0 16.3942115768 98% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2946.0 2260.96107784 130% => OK
No of words: 593.0 441.139720559 134% => OK
Chars per words: 4.96795952782 5.12650576532 97% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.93473315629 4.56307096286 108% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.48941578466 2.78398813304 89% => OK
Unique words: 219.0 204.123752495 107% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.369308600337 0.468620217663 79% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 916.2 705.55239521 130% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 4.0 4.96107784431 81% => OK
Article: 12.0 8.76447105788 137% => OK
Subordination: 7.0 2.70958083832 258% => Less adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 5.0 4.22255489022 118% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 27.0 19.7664670659 137% => OK
Sentence length: 21.0 22.8473053892 92% => OK
Sentence length SD: 53.0564830893 57.8364921388 92% => OK
Chars per sentence: 109.111111111 119.503703932 91% => OK
Words per sentence: 21.962962963 23.324526521 94% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.14814814815 5.70786347227 90% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 7.0 5.25449101796 133% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 13.0 8.20758483034 158% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 7.0 6.88822355289 102% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 7.0 4.67664670659 150% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.174407254152 0.218282227539 80% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0654221633228 0.0743258471296 88% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0549524951161 0.0701772020484 78% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.128113004383 0.128457276422 100% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0131831030753 0.0628817314937 21% => Paragraphs are similar to each other. Some content may get duplicated or it is not exactly right on the topic.
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 13.0 14.3799401198 90% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 58.62 48.3550499002 121% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 10.3 12.197005988 84% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.55 12.5979740519 92% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.15 8.32208582834 86% => OK
difficult_words: 93.0 98.500998004 94% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 13.5 12.3882235529 109% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.4 11.1389221557 93% => OK
text_standard: 10.0 11.9071856287 84% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.