The following appeared in a memo from New Ventures Consulting to the president of HobCo, Inc., a chain of hobby shops.
"Our team has completed its research on suitable building sites for a new HobCo hobby Shop in the city of Grilldon. We discovered that there are currently no hobby shops in southeastern Grilldon. When our researchers conducted a poll of area residents, 88 percent of those who responded indicated that they would welcome the opening of a hobby shop in southeastern Grilldon. Grilldon is in a region of the nation in which the hobby business has increased by 300 percent during the past decade. In addition, Grilldon has a very large population of retirees, a demographic with ample time to devote to hobbies. We therefore recommend that you choose southeastern Grilldon as the site for your next HobCo Hobby Shop. We predict that a shop in this area will draw a steady stream of enthusiastic new HobCo customers."
Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation is likely to have the predicted result. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.
In the given argument, New Ventures Consulting proposed that HobCo, a chain of hobby shops, build its new project in the city of Grilldon. They suggested the plan according to the a survey, their findings about hobby business in the region and the demography of population of town. The proposal seems convincing at first sight, however, some questions are raised which need to be addressed before serious considertion on the proposal.
There is a crucial question whether othe competitors of HobCo have plan to build a new hobby shop in Grilldon or not. It might be like HobCo, other rivals consider the Grilldon a suitable opportunity to invest and they are planning to construct their new site in this town too. Maybe one of rival companies which attend to Grilldon, is a giant company in hobby industry and if this strong company enter into market, it will grab all market share. In addition, the reaesarch just indicated that there is no hobby shops in southeastern Grilldon. It did not refer to other areas of town. It is possible, there is some shops in North, South or East of the town and residents go to these shops. To strenghten the argument, it is suggested that the consulting company first, do a comprehensive research on all areas of town and then assesse the prospective plan of competitor companies.
In addition, the reliability and questions of survey are disputable. The author did not provide any information about what percentage of residents took part in survey and what were the questions. They do their research on different areas of town or they just asked a specified region. It might be they went to a place which its residents belong to wealthy people of society and they spend lots of money to entertain, whereas, middle class and poor people live in other parts of city and they do not intend to hobbies. Therefore, the survey could led to biased outcomes. Additionally, the author mentioned a big population of retirees are living in Grilldon, but he did not provide any quantified data. If he could provide demographic data, it was more sensible. What fraction of residents are retired persons. Maybe, these senate people have other hobbies such as they play with their grandchildren. In the context, the author said that “they would welcome the opening of a hobby shop in southeastern Grilldon”, it is an ambiguous expression. It is likely that residents are interested to have a hobby shops, while they cannot afford the price. To strengthen the proposal, it is recommended to add some information about the survey, demography and economical situation of the town.
Furthermore, it is claimed that hobby industry skyrocketted during the past decade and he considers it a big opportunity for HobCo. However, there is a vital question about his conclusion. Perhaps, the hobby industry was so weak that after 300 percent growth it considered weak and investing in this industry is not lucrative yet. Or, it is likely tha it was so strong and now it is repleted with companies,thus there is a bloody competition among companies in that region. Also, the boom in hobby industry was happened in region and we cannot deduct that it happened for Grilldon too. It is also a rosy view to predict a steady stream of customers for hobby shops and even if all the predictions happen in the future, there is no guaranty for selling of HobCo. If the author did some research on hobby business in the town, he could strengthen the argument.
In conclusion, the argument could be more sensible if the consulting company do a throughout research on rivals and hobby business in past decade in the region, and also add some information about conducted survey and demographic data.
Comments
Essay evaluation report
Sentence: The proposal seems convincing at first sight, however, some questions are raised which need to be addressed before serious considertion on the proposal.
Error: considertion Suggestion: consideration
Sentence: There is a crucial question whether othe competitors of HobCo have plan to build a new hobby shop in Grilldon or not.
Error: othe Suggestion: other
Sentence: In addition, the reaesarch just indicated that there is no hobby shops in southeastern Grilldon.
Error: reaesarch Suggestion: research
Sentence: To strenghten the argument, it is suggested that the consulting company first, do a comprehensive research on all areas of town and then assesse the prospective plan of competitor companies.
Error: strenghten Suggestion: strengthen
Error: assesse Suggestion: assess
Sentence: Furthermore, it is claimed that hobby industry skyrocketted during the past decade and he considers it a big opportunity for HobCo.
Error: skyrocketted Suggestion: No alternate word
Sentence: Or, it is likely tha it was so strong and now it is repleted with companies,thus there is a bloody competition among companies in that region.
Error: repleted Suggestion: No alternate word
Error: tha Suggestion: than
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 2.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 7 2
No. of Sentences: 30 15
No. of Words: 630 350
No. of Characters: 2995 1500
No. of Different Words: 259 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 5.01 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.754 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.665 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 199 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 150 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 121 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 74 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 21 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.767 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.633 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.268 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.423 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.087 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 177, Rule ID: DT_DT[1]
Message: Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only 'the' or 'a' is left.
Suggestion: the; a
...n. They suggested the plan according to the a survey, their findings about hobby busi...
^^^^^
Line 2, column 68, Rule ID: HAVE_PART_AGREEMENT[1]
Message: Use past participle here: 'planned'.
Suggestion: planned
... whether othe competitors of HobCo have plan to build a new hobby shop in Grilldon o...
^^^^
Line 2, column 601, Rule ID: THERE_S_MANY[4]
Message: Did you mean 'there are some shops'?
Suggestion: there are some shops
...to other areas of town. It is possible, there is some shops in North, South or East of the town and...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 2, column 772, Rule ID: A_UNCOUNTABLE[3]
Message: Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply 'comprehensive research'.
Suggestion: comprehensive research
...d that the consulting company first, do a comprehensive research on all areas of town and then assesse t...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 546, Rule ID: DID_BASEFORM[1]
Message: The verb 'could' requires the base form of the verb: 'lead'
Suggestion: lead
...to hobbies. Therefore, the survey could led to biased outcomes. Additionally, the a...
^^^
Line 3, column 1258, Rule ID: ECONOMICAL_ECONOMIC[1]
Message: Did you mean 'economic' (=connected with economy)?
Suggestion: economic
...mation about the survey, demography and economical situation of the town. Furthermore, it...
^^^^^^^^^^
Line 4, column 406, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma
Suggestion: , thus
...ng and now it is repleted with companies,thus there is a bloody competition among com...
^^^^^
Line 5, column 81, Rule ID: A_UNCOUNTABLE[3]
Message: Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply 'throughout research'.
Suggestion: throughout research
...e sensible if the consulting company do a throughout research on rivals and hobby business in past de...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, furthermore, however, if, may, so, then, therefore, thus, whereas, while, in addition, in conclusion, such as
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 32.0 19.6327345309 163% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 11.0 12.9520958084 85% => OK
Conjunction : 24.0 11.1786427146 215% => Less conjunction wanted
Relative clauses : 12.0 13.6137724551 88% => OK
Pronoun: 54.0 28.8173652695 187% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 86.0 55.5748502994 155% => OK
Nominalization: 17.0 16.3942115768 104% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 3084.0 2260.96107784 136% => OK
No of words: 629.0 441.139720559 143% => Less content wanted.
Chars per words: 4.90302066773 5.12650576532 96% => OK
Fourth root words length: 5.00798087137 4.56307096286 110% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.80556614918 2.78398813304 101% => OK
Unique words: 275.0 204.123752495 135% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.43720190779 0.468620217663 93% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 961.2 705.55239521 136% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 19.0 4.96107784431 383% => Less pronouns wanted as sentence beginning.
Article: 11.0 8.76447105788 126% => OK
Subordination: 3.0 2.70958083832 111% => OK
Conjunction: 2.0 1.67365269461 119% => OK
Preposition: 7.0 4.22255489022 166% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 28.0 19.7664670659 142% => OK
Sentence length: 22.0 22.8473053892 96% => OK
Sentence length SD: 56.3963176356 57.8364921388 98% => OK
Chars per sentence: 110.142857143 119.503703932 92% => OK
Words per sentence: 22.4642857143 23.324526521 96% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.53571428571 5.70786347227 79% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 8.0 5.25449101796 152% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 10.0 8.20758483034 122% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 7.0 6.88822355289 102% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 11.0 4.67664670659 235% => Less facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.247211382678 0.218282227539 113% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.068976410977 0.0743258471296 93% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0958384331431 0.0701772020484 137% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.153679669484 0.128457276422 120% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0750132022933 0.0628817314937 119% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 12.9 14.3799401198 90% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 57.61 48.3550499002 119% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 10.7 12.197005988 88% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.44 12.5979740519 91% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.17 8.32208582834 98% => OK
difficult_words: 137.0 98.500998004 139% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 11.0 12.3882235529 89% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.8 11.1389221557 97% => OK
text_standard: 11.0 11.9071856287 92% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Write the essay in 30 minutes.
Rates: 62.5 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.75 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.