The following appeared in a memorandum written by the vice president of Health Naturally, a small but expanding chain of stores selling health food and other health-related products.
"Our previous experience has been that our stores are most profitable in areas where residents are highly concerned with leading healthy lives. We should therefore build one of our new stores in Plainsville, which clearly has many such residents. Plainsville merchants report that sales of running shoes and exercise equipment are at all-time highs. The local health club, which nearly closed five years ago due to lack of business, has more members than ever, and the weight-training and aerobics classes are always full. We can even anticipate a new generation of customers: Plainsville's schoolchildren are required to participate in a program called Fitness for Life, which emphasizes the benefits of regular exercise at an early age."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
In this memorandum, the author suggests to build a new store in Plainsville, as the residents living there are interested in living a health life, who would eventually buy their health related products. However, the argument suffers from several flaws and is therefore unconvincing as it stands, albeit it may appear plausible at cursory glance.
To begin with the, the author states that the nearby merchant stores in plainsville have reported a high sales of running shoes and exercise related products. Form this assertion the author falsely concludes that the same consumers would also by their health related products. Perhaps there are more similar stores selling healthy food and these consumers are buying food from the other stores. In such a case, it would be an unwise decision to build a similar kind of store in Plainsville, as there is a very low chance of growth of a similar type of food store due to higher competition.
In addition to this, the author states that the local health club which was nearly closed 5 years ago has members more than ever. The author fails to provide adequate data related to how significant the number of members are. It may be a case that, previously the health club had 7-8 members and now the members are 14-15, which means that the total number of members are more than ever yet are relatively less. Having such less people going to the health club weakens the possibility to customers to buy their products. The author should provide more data related to his assertion to make his argument stronger.
In conclusion, the author seems hurried to jump to the conclusion based on a series of problematic assumptions. To strengthen his argument, further investigation and more data is required. If the argument had included given factors stated above it would have been more thorough and logically acceptable.
Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 4 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 2 2
No. of Sentences: 14 15
No. of Words: 312 350
No. of Characters: 1514 1500
No. of Different Words: 162 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.203 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.853 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.514 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 115 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 76 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 48 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 29 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 22.286 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.914 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.571 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.359 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.359 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.08 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 1 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 125, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...residents living there are interested in living a health life, who would eventual...
^^
Line 1, column 179, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...lth life, who would eventually buy their health related products. However, the ar...
^^
Line 2, column 15, Rule ID: THE_PUNCT[1]
Message: Did you forget something after 'the'?
...sible at cursory glance. To begin with the, the author states that the nearby merch...
^^^^
Line 3, column 424, Rule ID: FEWER_LESS[2]
Message: Did you mean 'fewer'? The noun people is countable.
Suggestion: fewer
...er yet are relatively less. Having such less people going to the health club weakens...
^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, however, if, may, so, then, therefore, in addition, in conclusion, kind of, to begin with
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 14.0 19.6327345309 71% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 7.0 12.9520958084 54% => OK
Conjunction : 7.0 11.1786427146 63% => OK
Relative clauses : 8.0 13.6137724551 59% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 20.0 28.8173652695 69% => OK
Preposition: 37.0 55.5748502994 67% => OK
Nominalization: 9.0 16.3942115768 55% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1547.0 2260.96107784 68% => OK
No of words: 312.0 441.139720559 71% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 4.95833333333 5.12650576532 97% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.20279927342 4.56307096286 92% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.60290945984 2.78398813304 93% => OK
Unique words: 168.0 204.123752495 82% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.538461538462 0.468620217663 115% => OK
syllable_count: 477.9 705.55239521 68% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 2.0 4.96107784431 40% => OK
Article: 7.0 8.76447105788 80% => OK
Subordination: 3.0 2.70958083832 111% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 6.0 4.22255489022 142% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 14.0 19.7664670659 71% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 22.0 22.8473053892 96% => OK
Sentence length SD: 38.3550145725 57.8364921388 66% => OK
Chars per sentence: 110.5 119.503703932 92% => OK
Words per sentence: 22.2857142857 23.324526521 96% => OK
Discourse Markers: 6.78571428571 5.70786347227 119% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 5.15768463074 78% => More paragraphs wanted.
Language errors: 4.0 5.25449101796 76% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 6.0 8.20758483034 73% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 5.0 6.88822355289 73% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 3.0 4.67664670659 64% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.192521667727 0.218282227539 88% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0640731784954 0.0743258471296 86% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0536758530631 0.0701772020484 76% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.114381590094 0.128457276422 89% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0652924155594 0.0628817314937 104% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 13.1 14.3799401198 91% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 57.61 48.3550499002 119% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 10.7 12.197005988 88% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.78 12.5979740519 94% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.12 8.32208582834 98% => OK
difficult_words: 67.0 98.500998004 68% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 13.5 12.3882235529 109% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.8 11.1389221557 97% => OK
text_standard: 11.0 11.9071856287 92% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.