The following appeared in a memorandum written by the vice president of Nature's Way, a chain of stores selling health food and other health-related products.
"Previous experience has shown that our stores are most profitable in areas where residents are highly concerned with leading healthy lives. We should therefore build our next new store in Plainsville, which has many such residents. Plainsville merchants report that sales of running shoes and exercise clothing are at all-time highs. The local health club, which nearly closed five years ago due to lack of business, has more members than ever, and the weight training and aerobics classes are always full. We can even anticipate a new generation of customers: Plainsville's schoolchildren are required to participate in a 'fitness for life' program, which emphasizes the benefits of regular exercise at an early age."
The vice president of Nature's way, a chain of stores selling health food and other health-related heath-products wants to expand his chain of business in plaisville based on his previous experience. He assumes people in plainsville leads a healthy lives based on number of factors like proliferated sales of running shoes and excercise clothing, increased in the number of local health club members, and participation of schoolchildren in heath program. However his assumption is flawed.
First of all, the vice president does not specify the relationship between increase in the sales of running shoes or exercise clothing and increase in the consumption of healthy-products. It may happen that running shoes and exercise clothing are common fashion trends. people may only concentrated only on exercise not on the exercise . They may not give importance to health and assumes that exercise is the only factor for leading healthy lives. So increase in running shoes and exercise clothing do not clearly indicate the people are concerned with healthy lives.
Second, The vice president has assumed that increased in the number of local health club members can lead to increase in consumption of health-products. There may be several cause for increase in the number of local health club members. it can be possible that natives in Plainsville want to increase their social interactivity, get to know each other. They can curb their loneliness by interacting with lot of people. Merely Increase in the number of local health members does not mean that natives of Plainsville are leading health lives.
Third, The vice president has not clearly specified that how increased participation of schoolchildren in heath fitness program results in proliferated consumption of health-related products. By just participating in health fitness program school child does not start consuming health-related product. There may be different reason for the participation of children in health fitness program. It may be possible that school administration forces them to participate in such programs for the sake of publicity to attract more children.
In conclusion, The vice president has to ferret out more convincing logic for opening his chain of business in Plainsville. He should come up with more data on Plainsville natives and should clearly specify how the above factors like augmentation of running shoes or exercise clothing sales, proliferation of local health club members and participation of children in fitness program are responsible for creating health awareness.
Comments
Essay evaluation report
argument 1 -- OK
argument 2 -- OK
argument 3 -- OK
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.5 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 17 15
No. of Words: 398 350
No. of Characters: 2138 1500
No. of Different Words: 163 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.467 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.372 4.6
Word Length SD: 3.076 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 169 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 132 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 86 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 54 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 23.412 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.918 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.647 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.381 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.619 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.153 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 240, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...He assumes people in plainsville leads a healthy lives based on number of factors...
^^
Line 1, column 250, Rule ID: A_PLURAL[2]
Message: Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean 'life'?
Suggestion: life
... people in plainsville leads a healthy lives based on number of factors like prolife...
^^^^^
Line 1, column 456, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: However,
...ion of schoolchildren in heath program. However his assumption is flawed. First of a...
^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 271, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: People
...ise clothing are common fashion trends. people may only concentrated only on exercise...
^^^^^^
Line 3, column 304, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...rends. people may only concentrated only on exercise not on the exercise . They m...
^^
Line 3, column 337, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Don't put a space before the full stop
Suggestion: .
...ed only on exercise not on the exercise . They may not give importance to health ...
^^
Line 5, column 44, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...ond, The vice president has assumed that increased in the number of local health ...
^^
Line 5, column 98, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
... the number of local health club members can lead to increase in consumption of h...
^^
Line 5, column 169, Rule ID: MANY_NN[1]
Message: Possible agreement error. The noun cause seems to be countable; consider using: 'several causes'.
Suggestion: several causes
...mption of health-products. There may be several cause for increase in the number of local hea...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 240, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: It
...he number of local health club members. it can be possible that natives in Plainsv...
^^
Line 9, column 234, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...early specify how the above factors like augmentation of running shoes or exercis...
^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
first, however, if, may, second, so, third, as to, in conclusion, first of all
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 10.0 19.6327345309 51% => More to be verbs wanted.
Auxiliary verbs: 11.0 12.9520958084 85% => OK
Conjunction : 11.0 11.1786427146 98% => OK
Relative clauses : 7.0 13.6137724551 51% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 21.0 28.8173652695 73% => OK
Preposition: 68.0 55.5748502994 122% => OK
Nominalization: 13.0 16.3942115768 79% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2181.0 2260.96107784 96% => OK
No of words: 398.0 441.139720559 90% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.47989949749 5.12650576532 107% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.46653527281 4.56307096286 98% => OK
Word Length SD: 3.13584216295 2.78398813304 113% => OK
Unique words: 168.0 204.123752495 82% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.422110552764 0.468620217663 90% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 653.4 705.55239521 93% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 7.0 4.96107784431 141% => OK
Article: 6.0 8.76447105788 68% => OK
Subordination: 0.0 2.70958083832 0% => More adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 1.0 1.67365269461 60% => OK
Preposition: 2.0 4.22255489022 47% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 19.0 19.7664670659 96% => OK
Sentence length: 20.0 22.8473053892 88% => OK
Sentence length SD: 66.4566173865 57.8364921388 115% => OK
Chars per sentence: 114.789473684 119.503703932 96% => OK
Words per sentence: 20.9473684211 23.324526521 90% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.10526315789 5.70786347227 72% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 11.0 5.25449101796 209% => Less language errors wanted.
Sentences with positive sentiment : 15.0 8.20758483034 183% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 1.0 6.88822355289 15% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 3.0 4.67664670659 64% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.182022108115 0.218282227539 83% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0665414919388 0.0743258471296 90% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0798903678046 0.0701772020484 114% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.115781462383 0.128457276422 90% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0597338494334 0.0628817314937 95% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 14.9 14.3799401198 104% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 51.18 48.3550499002 106% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.1 12.197005988 91% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 14.5 12.5979740519 115% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.0 8.32208582834 96% => OK
difficult_words: 85.0 98.500998004 86% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 13.5 12.3882235529 109% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.0 11.1389221557 90% => OK
text_standard: 15.0 11.9071856287 126% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.