The following appeared on the Mozart School of Music Web site.
"The Mozart School of Music should be the first choice for parents considering enrolling their child in music lessons. First of all, the Mozart School welcomes youngsters at all ability and age levels; there is no audition to attend the school. Second, the school offers instruction in nearly all musical instruments as well a wide range of styles and genres from classical to rock. Third, the faculty includes some of the most distinguished musicians in the area. Finally, many Mozart graduates have gone on to become well-known and highly paid professional musicians."
The author of the prompt recommends the Mozart School of Music is the best choice for parents, who would like to register their children for music classes. When the argument is considered as a whole, it reveals several instances of assumptions and fail to make any supportive evidence on them. To support the recommendation, author mentiones that all children are welcomed whether they are talented or not, the faculty's brilliant musicians and the success of the graduates. However, while all of these could to be true, prompt does not present any proof to support the statements. Hence author must serve indications of the quality of the faculties and graduates, and the consequences of gathering all children without audition in order to help parents to have faith in this school.
To begin with, author readily assumes that enrolling children without any audition is a great feature to have in a school that enhances musical talent. Unless the point is based on a solid ground, one cannot build a cogent case on the statement. For example, two sisters or neighbors can be enrolled to school without any audition, which seems as a great thing to have since children will be together, learning new classes in a familiar environment. Nevertheless, one of the sisters Mary could have an excellent voice to be improved by the technics of the faculty, other sister might not have any musical talent. In this case, the unskilled child might bring Mary down, damaging her progress because faculty must take care of all students with a way of teaching that all of them can handle. Moreover, this could cause rebuttals between children. Thus the statement cannot be convincing without warranting the assumption of no audition policy is not decreasing the education quality.
In addition to that, author also states that the distinguised musicians exist in the faculty. There are two main assumptions here such as distinguished musicians are decided by a valid process and these musicians are great teachers in musical education. To illustrate further, when it comes to music, a very well spread form of art, there are different kind of genres and preferrences. Who does say that the teachers in the school are distinguished in musical world? Let's say that they are said to be talented by everyone. The assumption of saying that they are great at teaching could be false and end up having children waste of their time in this education. If the argument provided that talented musicians in the school are successful at teaching their talents, it would have been more plausible for the audiences.
Lastly, graduates of the school are said to become well-known and wealth professionals in the musical world. Again, this assumption based on the perspective of the author, which can have lower standards than the parents hope for their children. For instance, being a local singer in a small village might be indication of success for the school. On the other hand, parents might see higher talent in their children and want them to be a composer widely known by the aristocrats of the nation. In case of assumption not holding true, talented young children might be wasted in the hand of the Mozart School of Music.
In conclusion, author argument is not persuasive as it sounds. To strenghen the assumptions, author must provide more concrete evidence to prove that statements are warrented. Perharps, graduates' placement and faculty successes might be published within the website. Also they could show the quality of education is regulated for the most talented students in the classroom to prevent lower talents to decrease the learning of others.
Comments
Essay evaluation report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 28 15
No. of Words: 603 350
No. of Characters: 2976 1500
No. of Different Words: 267 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.955 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.935 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.639 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 220 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 171 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 122 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 70 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 21.536 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.951 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.571 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.273 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.465 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.072 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 582, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Hence,
...nt any proof to support the statements. Hence author must serve indications of the qu...
^^^^^
Line 5, column 847, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Thus,
...could cause rebuttals between children. Thus the statement cannot be convincing with...
^^^^
Line 9, column 354, Rule ID: THERE_RE_MANY[3]
Message: Possible agreement error. Did you mean 'kinds'?
Suggestion: kinds
...spread form of art, there are different kind of genres and preferrences. Who does sa...
^^^^
Line 9, column 468, Rule ID: LETS_LET[1]
Message: Did you mean 'Let's'?
Suggestion: Let's
...ool are distinguished in musical world? Lets say that they are said to be talented b...
^^^^
Line 17, column 268, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Also,
... might be published within the website. Also they could show the quality of educatio...
^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, hence, however, if, lastly, moreover, nevertheless, so, thus, well, while, for example, for instance, in addition, in conclusion, kind of, such as, to begin with, on the other hand
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 32.0 19.6327345309 163% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 22.0 12.9520958084 170% => OK
Conjunction : 12.0 11.1786427146 107% => OK
Relative clauses : 17.0 13.6137724551 125% => OK
Pronoun: 35.0 28.8173652695 121% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 91.0 55.5748502994 164% => OK
Nominalization: 25.0 16.3942115768 152% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 3057.0 2260.96107784 135% => OK
No of words: 603.0 441.139720559 137% => Less content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.06965174129 5.12650576532 99% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.9554069778 4.56307096286 109% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.72737570808 2.78398813304 98% => OK
Unique words: 282.0 204.123752495 138% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.467661691542 0.468620217663 100% => OK
syllable_count: 925.2 705.55239521 131% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 4.0 4.96107784431 81% => OK
Article: 5.0 8.76447105788 57% => OK
Subordination: 5.0 2.70958083832 185% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 1.67365269461 60% => OK
Preposition: 9.0 4.22255489022 213% => Less preposition wanted as sentence beginnings.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 28.0 19.7664670659 142% => OK
Sentence length: 21.0 22.8473053892 92% => OK
Sentence length SD: 40.3553096929 57.8364921388 70% => OK
Chars per sentence: 109.178571429 119.503703932 91% => OK
Words per sentence: 21.5357142857 23.324526521 92% => OK
Discourse Markers: 6.82142857143 5.70786347227 120% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 5.0 5.25449101796 95% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 20.0 8.20758483034 244% => Less positive sentences wanted.
Sentences with negative sentiment : 4.0 6.88822355289 58% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 4.0 4.67664670659 86% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.264456618741 0.218282227539 121% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0727746998807 0.0743258471296 98% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0718498312096 0.0701772020484 102% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.154505726657 0.128457276422 120% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0776539750674 0.0628817314937 123% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 13.2 14.3799401198 92% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 58.62 48.3550499002 121% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 10.3 12.197005988 84% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.13 12.5979740519 96% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.48 8.32208582834 102% => OK
difficult_words: 145.0 98.500998004 147% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 10.5 12.3882235529 85% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.4 11.1389221557 93% => OK
text_standard: 11.0 11.9071856287 92% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Write the essay in 30 minutes.
Rates: 62.5 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.75 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.