The following appeared as part of a letter to the editor of a scientific journal,
"A recent study of eighteen rhesus monkeys provides clues as to the effects of birth order on an individual's levels of stimulation. The study showed that in stimulating situations (such as an encounter with an unfamiliar monkey), firstborn infant monkeys produce up to twice as much of the hormone cortisol, which primes the body for increased activity levels, as do their younger siblings. First born humans also produce relatively high levels of cortisol in stimulating situations (such as the return of a parent after an absence). The study also found that during pregnancy, first-time mother monkeys had higher levels of cortisol than did those who had had several offspring."
Write a response in which you discuss one or more alternative explanations that could rival the proposed explanation and explain how your explanation(s) can plausibly account for the facts presented in the argument.
In this letter, the correlation between the birth order and the levels of stimulation was argued based on the cortisol level. Although it may seem sound at first glance, but the lack of alternative explanation for the suggested evidence lead me to question the validity of the argument.
First, the author should provide the alternative explation that the cortisol is directly related with the level of stimulation. There are no sound explanation that the cortisol is produced by external stimulation. It is possibly made by another reason except stimulation such as the timing of that event. Even if the correlation between external stimulation and the level of cortisol is true, since there are no evidence that the cortisol is linearly proportional to the stimulation level, it should not be compared in numerical way. However, in this letter, the author mentioned that 'twice as much of the hormone cortisol', which possibly be minute if the initial amount of the cortisol is diminutive or if cortisol is not directly proportional to not the level of stimulation but the time under stimulation. Therefore, the concrete alternative explanation between cortisol and the external stimulation should be provided for more sound argument.
Moreover, the author should suggest the alternative explanation that the same relationship between cortisol and stimulation in the case of rhesus monkey can be accepted in same to the human beings. Even the DNA structure of human and monkey is different, it is significantly dangerous to expand the phenomenon that is only confirmed in rhesus monkey to the human. In addition, with the same aforementioned logic, the author should give more sound explanation about 'relatively high levels of cortisol', for example, density difference of 5 ug/mL in blood. Thus, more specific explanation whether the logic that only confirmed in the rhesus monkey can be accpeted to the human being should be provided to bolster the argument.
Lastly, the alternative explanation about the relationship of cortisol and pregnancy should be provided in sufficient manner. Since the comparison of the first-time mother monkey and the mother monkey who had had several offspring is not same individuals, which can be interpreted that the intrinsic condition of each monkey is different. Therefore, more evidence about the intrinsic information of each monkey should be provided. The difference of the cortisol hormone level plausibly be originated from that factor.
In summary, the author's argument in scietific journal may not sufficient to bring the conclusion that there is correlation between birth order and the level of stimulation. To strengthen the argument, the author should provide the alternative explanations suggested in this passage such as the relationship between cortisol and external stimulation level, the difference between species (rhesus monkey and human), and the intrinsic information of pregnant monkeys.
Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: ??? out of 6
Category: Poor Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 18 15
No. of Words: 458 350
No. of Characters: 2441 1500
No. of Different Words: 171 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.626 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.33 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.95 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 193 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 148 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 122 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 74 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 25.444 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.581 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.722 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.4 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.612 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.121 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 521, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...levels of cortisol, for example, density difference of 5 ug/mL in blood. Thus, mo...
^^
Line 4, column 205, Rule ID: ENGLISH_WORD_REPEAT_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a word
Suggestion: had
...mother monkey and the mother monkey who had had several offspring is not same individua...
^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 17, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'authors'' or 'author's'?
Suggestion: authors'; author's
...ted from that factor. In summary, the authors argument in scietific journal may not s...
^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
but, first, however, if, lastly, may, moreover, so, then, therefore, thus, for example, in addition, in summary, such as
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 27.0 19.6327345309 138% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 14.0 12.9520958084 108% => OK
Conjunction : 14.0 11.1786427146 125% => OK
Relative clauses : 14.0 13.6137724551 103% => OK
Pronoun: 19.0 28.8173652695 66% => OK
Preposition: 64.0 55.5748502994 115% => OK
Nominalization: 39.0 16.3942115768 238% => Less nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2490.0 2260.96107784 110% => OK
No of words: 457.0 441.139720559 104% => OK
Chars per words: 5.44857768053 5.12650576532 106% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.62358717085 4.56307096286 101% => OK
Word Length SD: 3.00840499283 2.78398813304 108% => OK
Unique words: 175.0 204.123752495 86% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.382932166302 0.468620217663 82% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 794.7 705.55239521 113% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.7 1.59920159681 106% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 3.0 4.96107784431 60% => OK
Article: 11.0 8.76447105788 126% => OK
Subordination: 4.0 2.70958083832 148% => OK
Conjunction: 2.0 1.67365269461 119% => OK
Preposition: 8.0 4.22255489022 189% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 18.0 19.7664670659 91% => OK
Sentence length: 25.0 22.8473053892 109% => OK
Sentence length SD: 59.7290177012 57.8364921388 103% => OK
Chars per sentence: 138.333333333 119.503703932 116% => OK
Words per sentence: 25.3888888889 23.324526521 109% => OK
Discourse Markers: 6.66666666667 5.70786347227 117% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 3.0 5.25449101796 57% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 2.0 8.20758483034 24% => More positive sentences wanted.
Sentences with negative sentiment : 8.0 6.88822355289 116% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 8.0 4.67664670659 171% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.154228826438 0.218282227539 71% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0659610476722 0.0743258471296 89% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0491307477088 0.0701772020484 70% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.108341258128 0.128457276422 84% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0265597996104 0.0628817314937 42% => Paragraphs are similar to each other. Some content may get duplicated or it is not exactly right on the topic.
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 16.9 14.3799401198 118% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 37.64 48.3550499002 78% => OK
smog_index: 11.2 7.1628742515 156% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 14.2 12.197005988 116% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 14.63 12.5979740519 116% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.16 8.32208582834 98% => OK
difficult_words: 95.0 98.500998004 96% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 9.0 12.3882235529 73% => OK
gunning_fog: 12.0 11.1389221557 108% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 11.9071856287 101% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.