The following appeared as part of a letter to the editor of a scientific journal.
"A recent study of eighteen rhesus monkeys provides clues as to the effects of birth order on an individual's levels of stimulation. The study showed that in stimulating situations (such as an encounter with an unfamiliar monkey), firstborn infant monkeys produce up to twice as much of the hormone cortisol, which primes the body for increased activity levels, as do their younger siblings. Firstborn humans also produce relatively high levels of cortisol in stimulating situations (such as the return of a parent after an absence). The study also found that during pregnancy, first-time mother monkeys had higher levels of cortisol than did those who had had several offspring."
Write a response in which you discuss one or more alternative explanations that could rival the proposed explanation and explain how your explanation(s) can plausibly account for the facts presented in the argument.
The author argues that the birth orders effects the levels of stimulation on an individual. This is based on a recent study of eighteen rhesus monkeys which showed that firstborn monleys produced twice amount of cortisol in comparison with their younger siblings in stimulating situations and also this has been observed in humankind. However, on deeper analysis, it becomes apparent that certain relevant aspects have not been taken into consideration, leading to a number of mistaken assumptions and logical flaws.
One such flaw is the corrolation among the syrvey in rhesus monkeys and humans. The author cites that firtsborn humans produce high levels of cortisol in stimulating stimulations, however without comparing these increased levels with the levels of younger siblings of humans like the study in rhesus monkeys. To overcome this flaw, the author should mention data and results from the comparison of levels between fisrtborn humans and their younger siblings in order to draw safe conclusions and make corrolations with the study of momkeys.
Moreover, the author is wrongly based on the fact of the increased level of cortisol in infant monkeys during stimulating conditions. The author assert that first-time mother monkeys produce higher levels of cortisol than other mothers who had already offspring. This is clue and it is possible an alternate explanation of the increased levels of cortisol in firstborn monkeys. Thus, the increased level of this hormone maybe is not a result of the stimulating condition but it could attribute to biological and gender reasons. To render its argument more valid, the author could provide a more specialized study which would cite more information about the relation among the rates of cortisol in mother and fist-born infant monkeys.
The author also is incorrectly based on the study of rhesus monkey about their levels of cortisol in stimulating conditions to generalize his/her conclusion. The response of each spiece in stimulating conditions is not denoted only from the level of the hormone cortisol and more aspects
After closer examination of the passsage presented, it is apparent that there are several logical flaws. The recommendations in the essay show how the argument may be strengthened and made more logically sound.
Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 2.0 out of 6
Category: Poor Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 14 15
No. of Words: 362 350
No. of Characters: 1905 1500
No. of Different Words: 177 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.362 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.262 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.729 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 157 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 112 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 75 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 48 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 25.857 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.425 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.5 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.394 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.394 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.119 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 1 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 145, Rule ID: MASS_AGREEMENT[2]
Message: Possible agreement error - use third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: 'asserts'.
Suggestion: asserts
...ring stimulating conditions. The author assert that first-time mother monkeys produce ...
^^^^^^
Line 5, column 106, Rule ID: ENGLISH_WORD_REPEAT_BEGINNING_RULE
Message: Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Reword the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
...t that there are several logical flaws. The recommendations in the essay show how t...
^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, however, may, moreover, so, then, thus
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 13.0 19.6327345309 66% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 5.0 12.9520958084 39% => OK
Conjunction : 12.0 11.1786427146 107% => OK
Relative clauses : 9.0 13.6137724551 66% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 22.0 28.8173652695 76% => OK
Preposition: 61.0 55.5748502994 110% => OK
Nominalization: 11.0 16.3942115768 67% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1937.0 2260.96107784 86% => OK
No of words: 361.0 441.139720559 82% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.36565096953 5.12650576532 105% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.35889894354 4.56307096286 96% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.79265320394 2.78398813304 100% => OK
Unique words: 177.0 204.123752495 87% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.490304709141 0.468620217663 105% => OK
syllable_count: 604.8 705.55239521 86% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.7 1.59920159681 106% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 4.0 4.96107784431 81% => OK
Article: 10.0 8.76447105788 114% => OK
Subordination: 1.0 2.70958083832 37% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 4.0 4.22255489022 95% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 14.0 19.7664670659 71% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 25.0 22.8473053892 109% => OK
Sentence length SD: 55.1538201537 57.8364921388 95% => OK
Chars per sentence: 138.357142857 119.503703932 116% => OK
Words per sentence: 25.7857142857 23.324526521 111% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.0 5.70786347227 70% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 2.0 5.25449101796 38% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 9.0 8.20758483034 110% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 3.0 6.88822355289 44% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 2.0 4.67664670659 43% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.276377726096 0.218282227539 127% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.106210089087 0.0743258471296 143% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0778466676347 0.0701772020484 111% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.155065127201 0.128457276422 121% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0796539333939 0.0628817314937 127% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 16.8 14.3799401198 117% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 37.64 48.3550499002 78% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 14.2 12.197005988 116% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 14.16 12.5979740519 112% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 9.08 8.32208582834 109% => OK
difficult_words: 96.0 98.500998004 97% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 11.5 12.3882235529 93% => OK
gunning_fog: 12.0 11.1389221557 108% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 11.9071856287 101% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
---------------------
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.