The following appeared as part of a letter to the editor of a scientific journal.
"A recent study of eighteen rhesus monkeys provides clues as to the effects of birth order on an individual's levels of stimulation. The study showed that in stimulating situations (such as an encounter with an unfamiliar monkey), firstborn infant monkeys produce up to twice as much of the hormone cortisol, which primes the body for increased activity levels, as do their younger siblings. Firstborn humans also produce relatively high levels of cortisol in stimulating situations (such as the return of a parent after an absence). The study also found that during pregnancy, first-time mother monkeys had higher levels of cortisol than did those who had had several offspring."
Write a response in which you discuss one or more alternative explanations that could rival the proposed explanation and explain how your explanation(s) can plausibly account for the facts presented in the argument.
The study done on the rhesus monkeys gives an account of the level of hormone cortisol present in the new born and compares the quantity of it in firstborns as opposed to the younger siblings. The study primarily emphasises on the hormone level stating that the firstborns receive it in higher levels but the theory has several flaws in it.
The scientific study is made on total 18 monkeys and no information has been provided on their breed, age of mother, habitat place and many other. Many of these factors play decisive role in understanding the reactions in body and without them, the theory cannot be generalized. A study based on only 18 monkeys cannot be a conclusive evidence in declaring any character trait of all monkeys.
The study also fails to mention the health condition of the monkeys. In medical world, an attck of an micro organism or virus is likely to cause abnormal level of hormones. The study mentions that the hormone levels were as twice in the first born to its younger siblings. But, it fails to provide any measure on what exactly are the numbers. If the hormone levels are very small, then its double will not affect in any way.
The study does not have clarity on the topic of simulating situations. The situations which should be considered as simulating is no where mentioned in the study. What particular trait of simulating situations causes the release of the hormone is also unclear.
The theory draws similarity between the hormone production functionality in monkey and humans reminding us once again that humans are evolved from the monkeys. But, lack of conclusive facts and figures to concur with the theory makes its diffficult to accept.
Comments
Essay evaluation report
samples:
https://www.testbig.com/story/gre-argument-essay-topic-2-outline
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: ??? out of 6
Category: Poor Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 15 15
No. of Words: 288 350
No. of Characters: 1370 1500
No. of Different Words: 157 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.12 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.757 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.532 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 98 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 75 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 40 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 28 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 19.2 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.058 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.467 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.341 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.341 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.105 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 1 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 2, column 1, Rule ID: ENGLISH_WORD_REPEAT_BEGINNING_RULE
Message: Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Reword the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
...ut the theory has several flaws in it. The scientific study is made on total 18 mo...
^^^
Line 2, column 136, Rule ID: MANY_NN[1]
Message: Possible agreement error. The noun other seems to be countable; consider using: 'many others'.
Suggestion: many others
...breed, age of mother, habitat place and many other. Many of these factors play decisive ro...
^^^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 100, Rule ID: EN_A_VS_AN
Message: Use 'a' instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
Suggestion: a
... monkeys. In medical world, an attck of an micro organism or virus is likely to ca...
^^
Line 4, column 131, Rule ID: NOW[2]
Message: Did you mean 'now' (=at this moment) instead of 'no' (negation)?
Suggestion: now
...h should be considered as simulating is no where mentioned in the study. What part...
^^
Line 5, column 260, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
... theory makes its diffficult to accept.
^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, if, so, then
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 12.0 19.6327345309 61% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 4.0 12.9520958084 31% => OK
Conjunction : 8.0 11.1786427146 72% => OK
Relative clauses : 5.0 13.6137724551 37% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 14.0 28.8173652695 49% => OK
Preposition: 43.0 55.5748502994 77% => OK
Nominalization: 5.0 16.3942115768 30% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1402.0 2260.96107784 62% => OK
No of words: 288.0 441.139720559 65% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 4.86805555556 5.12650576532 95% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.11953428781 4.56307096286 90% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.58333333333 2.78398813304 93% => OK
Unique words: 156.0 204.123752495 76% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.541666666667 0.468620217663 116% => OK
syllable_count: 449.1 705.55239521 64% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 1.0 4.96107784431 20% => OK
Article: 11.0 8.76447105788 126% => OK
Subordination: 1.0 2.70958083832 37% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 1.0 4.22255489022 24% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 15.0 19.7664670659 76% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 19.0 22.8473053892 83% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 35.5265159189 57.8364921388 61% => OK
Chars per sentence: 93.4666666667 119.503703932 78% => OK
Words per sentence: 19.2 23.324526521 82% => OK
Discourse Markers: 2.0 5.70786347227 35% => More transition words/phrases wanted.
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 5.0 5.25449101796 95% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 2.0 8.20758483034 24% => More positive sentences wanted.
Sentences with negative sentiment : 6.0 6.88822355289 87% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 7.0 4.67664670659 150% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.166782591166 0.218282227539 76% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0561134623129 0.0743258471296 75% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0460036297395 0.0701772020484 66% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0870519790126 0.128457276422 68% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.054716801899 0.0628817314937 87% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 11.1 14.3799401198 77% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 52.19 48.3550499002 108% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 10.7 12.197005988 88% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 10.97 12.5979740519 87% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.58 8.32208582834 103% => OK
difficult_words: 73.0 98.500998004 74% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 13.5 12.3882235529 109% => OK
gunning_fog: 9.6 11.1389221557 86% => OK
text_standard: 11.0 11.9071856287 92% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.