The following appeared as part of a letter to the editor of a scientific journal.
"A recent study of eighteen rhesus monkeys provides clues as to the effects of birth order on an individual's levels of stimulation. The study showed that in stimulating situations (such as an encounter with an unfamiliar monkey), firstborn infant monkeys produce up to twice as much of the hormone cortisol, which primes the body for increased activity levels, as do their younger siblings. Firstborn humans also produce relatively high levels of cortisol in stimulating situations (such as the return of a parent after an absence). The study also found that during pregnancy, first-time mother monkeys had higher levels of cortisol than did those who had had several offspring."
Write a response in which you discuss one or more alternative explanations that could rival the proposed explanation and explain how your explanation(s) can plausibly account for the facts presented in the argument.
The author proposes that order of birth affects an individual monkey’s level of stimulation. However, the assumptions made about the facts presented in the argument leave the proposition requiring further justification.
The author refers to a study where firstborn infant monkeys produce more cortisol, an indicator of level of stimulation, than their younger siblings when they are exposed to stimulating situations, an encounter with an unfamiliar monkey. The author makes the assumption that it the stimulating situation that causes the increased level of stimulation. However, it could be that the first time mother is reacting to and feeling threatened by the unfamiliar monkey, thus causing an increase in stimulation in the infant monkey. If this were the case, then it would not be birth order that affects the level of stimulation experienced by the infant, but number of offspring had by a mother monkey would affect the level of stimulation experienced by the infant.
The author uses the fact that firstborn humans also produce higher levels of cortisol in stimulating situations as evidence for his proposal. However, the “stimulating situation” for the infant monkeys, encountering an unfamiliar monkey, is very different from the “stimulating situation” for the infant humans, the return of a parent after an absence. Encountering an unfamiliar monkey might be a moment of nervousness or fear, whereas the return of a parent would most likely be a moment of excitement and joy. These two situations are not comparable and, therefore, the human infant study cannot be used as evidence to support the author’s argument, thus weakening it.
In the first study referenced, firstborn infant monkeys are said to produce twice as much cortisol than their younger siblings when introduced to stimulating situations. Because the author does not include specific amounts, readers are incapable of knowing the significance of that comparison. For example, if the firstborn monkeys produce 0.000002 units of cortisol and their following siblings produce 0.000001 units, then the higher amounts of cortisol found in the firstborn monkeys might not be significant. The author could improve his argument by including the specific numbers from the study. However, if the numbers are indeed insignificant, then maybe there is no correlation between birth order and an individual’s level of stimulation.
The assumptions made about the cause of the firstborn infant monkeys’ heightened cortisol levels, the equivalency between “stimulating situations” in the two different studies, and significance of the level of cortisol in firstborn infant monkeys relative to their siblings render the argument invalid.
Comments
Essay evaluation report
samples:
https://www.testbig.com/story/gre-argument-essay-topic-2-outline
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: ??? out of 6
Category: Poor Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 16 15
No. of Words: 415 350
No. of Characters: 2240 1500
No. of Different Words: 169 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.513 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.398 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.891 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 184 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 140 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 99 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 71 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 25.938 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.835 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.625 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.383 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.592 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.066 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, however, if, may, so, then, therefore, thus, whereas, for example
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 15.0 19.6327345309 76% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 8.0 12.9520958084 62% => OK
Conjunction : 8.0 11.1786427146 72% => OK
Relative clauses : 10.0 13.6137724551 73% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 20.0 28.8173652695 69% => OK
Preposition: 49.0 55.5748502994 88% => OK
Nominalization: 24.0 16.3942115768 146% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2358.0 2260.96107784 104% => OK
No of words: 415.0 441.139720559 94% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.68192771084 5.12650576532 111% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.51348521516 4.56307096286 99% => OK
Word Length SD: 3.27774267427 2.78398813304 118% => OK
Unique words: 186.0 204.123752495 91% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.448192771084 0.468620217663 96% => OK
syllable_count: 723.6 705.55239521 103% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.7 1.59920159681 106% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 2.0 4.96107784431 40% => OK
Article: 13.0 8.76447105788 148% => OK
Subordination: 5.0 2.70958083832 185% => OK
Conjunction: 2.0 1.67365269461 119% => OK
Preposition: 2.0 4.22255489022 47% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 16.0 19.7664670659 81% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 25.0 22.8473053892 109% => OK
Sentence length SD: 59.59446283 57.8364921388 103% => OK
Chars per sentence: 147.375 119.503703932 123% => OK
Words per sentence: 25.9375 23.324526521 111% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.1875 5.70786347227 91% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 0.0 5.25449101796 0% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 7.0 8.20758483034 85% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 7.0 6.88822355289 102% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 2.0 4.67664670659 43% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.200054553402 0.218282227539 92% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0858761132896 0.0743258471296 116% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0708818441661 0.0701772020484 101% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.134395565234 0.128457276422 105% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.056322214066 0.0628817314937 90% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 18.3 14.3799401198 127% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 37.64 48.3550499002 78% => OK
smog_index: 11.2 7.1628742515 156% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 14.2 12.197005988 116% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 15.96 12.5979740519 127% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.76 8.32208582834 105% => OK
difficult_words: 102.0 98.500998004 104% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 12.0 12.3882235529 97% => OK
gunning_fog: 12.0 11.1389221557 108% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 11.9071856287 101% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.