The following appeared as part of a letter to the editor of a scientific journal.
"A recent study of eighteen rhesus monkeys provides clues as to the effects of birth order on an individual's levels of stimulation. The study showed that in stimulating situations (such as an encounter with an unfamiliar monkey), firstborn infant monkeys produce up to twice as much of the hormone cortisol, which primes the body for increased activity levels, as do their younger siblings. Firstborn humans also produce relatively high levels of cortisol in stimulating situations (such as the return of a parent after an absence). The study also found that during pregnancy, first-time mother monkeys had higher levels of cortisol than did those who had had several offspring."
Write a response in which you discuss one or more alternative explanations that could rival the proposed explanation and explain how your explanation(s) can plausibly account for the facts presented in the argument.
According to the given excerpt it is a letter sent to the editor of a scientific journal by a person who studies eighteen rhesus monkeys. He provide clues to the effects of birth order on individuals levels of stimulation in rhesus monkeys. The letter here mentions that firstborn infant monkeys produce twice as much of the hormone costrisol. Well he is mentioning the following in regard to some study, but he has not mentioned the person or the journal from where he asserts such statements. There can be analysis done inorder to prove the cortisol level and not just rely on one study. He does not have enough factual figures to prove his point and is more based on a study whose validity is not known.
Firstly, the study according to the writer says that in stimulating situations when a monkey has encounter with an unfamiliar monkey can result in the firstborn in infant to provudes twice the hormone cortisol. Although, it could be true but he should presents more supporting points for his assertion. It could be due to any reason due to which the cortisol level is produced due to. It can be due to the gender of the monkey or some other reason, the editor should review a bit more before making such an assertion.
Secondly, in the topic relating to rhesus monkeys the editor suddenly brings out the topic of firstborn humans which quite untimely and definitely not relating to whatever said in the letter. It is quite guile when he mentions about firstborn humans which creates a very complex relation the argument and the supporting statements for the argument.Although ,in the letter it is showing the nature of first born humans in similarity to that of rhesus monkeys. The letter should be comprised of more facts and figures when relating it to humans.
Thirdly , it is mentioned in the letter that a pregnant first time monkey will have high cortisol level than that of who have had an offspring. The writer of the letter is gramatically wrong in the last line where it is mentioned "had had" instead of "have had". The writer of the letter needs to work on his quality of grammar. Considering the pregnancy of first time mother, the letter should be more convincing to the editor of the scientific journal and actually have real life examples before asserting such a statement.
Concluding , the given letter has to be more convincing to be published on a scientific journal. It should have more strong points in support of the assertion.He should include more facts and figure inorder to support his cause The writer of the letter is also moving quite wayward in the flow and should work on that. Lastly the writer of the letter should work on grammar.
Comments
Essay evaluation report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: ??? out of 6
Category: Poor Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 20 15
No. of Words: 468 350
No. of Characters: 2167 1500
No. of Different Words: 186 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.651 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.63 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.438 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 168 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 103 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 68 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 41 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 23.4 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.178 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.45 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.347 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.568 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.193 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 142, Rule ID: HE_VERB_AGR[1]
Message: The pronoun 'He' must be used with a third-person verb: 'provides'.
Suggestion: provides
...who studies eighteen rhesus monkeys. He provide clues to the effects of birth order on ...
^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 98, Rule ID: HAVE_PART_AGREEMENT[1]
Message: Use past participle here: 'encountered'.
Suggestion: encountered
...timulating situations when a monkey has encounter with an unfamiliar monkey can result in...
^^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 253, Rule ID: DID_BASEFORM[2]
Message: The verb 'should' requires the base form of the verb: 'present'
Suggestion: present
...lthough, it could be true but he should presents more supporting points for his assertio...
^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 349, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: Although
... supporting statements for the argument.Although ,in the letter it is showing the nature...
^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 349, Rule ID: SENTENCE_FRAGMENT[1]
Message: “Although” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
... supporting statements for the argument.Although ,in the letter it is showing the nature...
^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 357, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
Suggestion: ,
...ing statements for the argument.Although ,in the letter it is showing the nature o...
^^
Line 7, column 8, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
Suggestion: ,
...es when relating it to humans. Thirdly , it is mentioned in the letter that a pr...
^^
Line 7, column 118, Rule ID: IN_WHO[1]
Message: Did you mean 'whom'?
Suggestion: whom
...l have high cortisol level than that of who have had an offspring. The writer of th...
^^^
Line 9, column 11, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
Suggestion: ,
...asserting such a statement. Concluding , the given letter has to be more convinc...
^^
Line 9, column 160, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: He
...rong points in support of the assertion.He should include more facts and figure in...
^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
actually, also, but, first, firstly, if, lastly, second, secondly, so, third, thirdly, well, as to, in regard to
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 19.0 19.6327345309 97% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 14.0 12.9520958084 108% => OK
Conjunction : 12.0 11.1786427146 107% => OK
Relative clauses : 17.0 13.6137724551 125% => OK
Pronoun: 28.0 28.8173652695 97% => OK
Preposition: 67.0 55.5748502994 121% => OK
Nominalization: 8.0 16.3942115768 49% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2234.0 2260.96107784 99% => OK
No of words: 466.0 441.139720559 106% => OK
Chars per words: 4.79399141631 5.12650576532 94% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.64618479453 4.56307096286 102% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.60761863037 2.78398813304 94% => OK
Unique words: 201.0 204.123752495 98% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.431330472103 0.468620217663 92% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 697.5 705.55239521 99% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 9.0 4.96107784431 181% => OK
Article: 8.0 8.76447105788 91% => OK
Subordination: 0.0 2.70958083832 0% => More adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 1.0 1.67365269461 60% => OK
Preposition: 5.0 4.22255489022 118% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 20.0 19.7664670659 101% => OK
Sentence length: 23.0 22.8473053892 101% => OK
Sentence length SD: 55.5873186977 57.8364921388 96% => OK
Chars per sentence: 111.7 119.503703932 93% => OK
Words per sentence: 23.3 23.324526521 100% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.6 5.70786347227 98% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 10.0 5.25449101796 190% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 8.0 8.20758483034 97% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 1.0 6.88822355289 15% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 11.0 4.67664670659 235% => Less facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.232120759441 0.218282227539 106% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0796145716217 0.0743258471296 107% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0858831471898 0.0701772020484 122% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.125074752594 0.128457276422 97% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0763867814209 0.0628817314937 121% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 12.8 14.3799401198 89% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 56.59 48.3550499002 117% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.1 12.197005988 91% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 10.8 12.5979740519 86% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.13 8.32208582834 98% => OK
difficult_words: 99.0 98.500998004 101% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 10.5 12.3882235529 85% => OK
gunning_fog: 11.2 11.1389221557 101% => OK
text_standard: 11.0 11.9071856287 92% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
---------------------
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.