The following appeared as a recommendation by a committee planning a ten-year budget for the city of Calatrava.
"The birthrate in our city is declining: in fact, last year's birthrate was only one-half that of five years ago. Thus the number of students enrolled in our public schools will soon decrease dramatically, and we can safely reduce the funds budgeted for education during the next decade. At the same time, we can reduce funding for athletic playing fields and other recreational facilities. As a result, we will have sufficient money to fund city facilities and programs used primarily by adults, since we can expect the adult population of the city to increase."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
In the ten-year budget plan, the committee recommended that the budget allocated for education in Calatrava during the next decade can be safely reduced as they had foreseen the declination in the number of students and expected an increment in the adult populations. We need to glean more evidences about this recommendation in order to evaluate this argument objectively.
To begin with, we need evidence about the correlation between the birthrate and the number of students that will be enrolled into Calatrava’s public school in future. Despite the declination of birthrate in Calatrava, it is not reasonable to predict that the future enrolment in the public school will encounter a shortfall. Indeed, the birthrate of Calatrava in last year is only half of five years ago, but this data does not provide any constructive information that will be useful to make prediction on the future enrolment. In fact, various reasons can lead to the difference in the number of prospective students. For instance, enrolment may increase in future if there are many students immigrate from other cities to Calatrava. Perhaps many students may transfer to public school from private school in future, which may also result in the rise of enrolment in public school. Hence, the accuracy of using birthrate as sole indicator to determine the future enrolment in Calatrava would not be the best measure to propose the abovementioned recommendation.
On top of reducing education funds, the committee has also proposed a reduction in funding for athletic ground and other recreational facilities. There are two evidences we need to evaluate these propositions. First is the quality of education in Calatrava. Reduction of education funds means less resources are allocated to public school, particular the monetary support from the council. This indicates that there may be a cut in educators’ wages and school facilities. If this happen, the educators may discontent with their wages level and probably seek for job opportunities in other cities or private school. Students are also less likely to acess to high quality curriculum activities and library. Consequently, the quality of education will drop and affect the overall students’ quality. The second evidence is whether or not the adults in Calatrava are using the athletic facilities. The committee assumes that majority of the adults in Calatrava are involving in other facilities and programs in the city. However, it is possible that the adults are sharing the athletic facilities with the students too. In addition, the extra funds from the cut in athletic facilities may not be sufficient to upgrade the current facilities and programs in the city. Without these evidences, reducing funds on athletic and recreational facilities will results in the drop of the quality of life among Calatrava’s residents.
Finally, the last piece of evidence regards to the adults’ population of Calatrava in future. The committee proposed the funding of city facilities and programs because they have anticipated a rise in the adults population. However, the committee may probably overlook some factors that could affect the adults population. One of the factors is the emigration of Calatrava’s adults. It is possible that the residents in Calatrava emigrate to other cities and subsequently results in declination of the population. Moreover, the decrease in Calatrava’s birthrate could also serve as an indicator to the declination in the future population. Thus, the committee need to take these evidences into consideration before proposing such recommendation.
Overall speaking, the committee needs to present more evidences to support the recommendations made in the argument Without these evidences, the argument is simply unconvincing and sceptical in which whether these recommendations are really beneficial to both the students and residents in Calatrava.
Comments
Essay evaluation report
Sentence: Despite the declination of birthrate in Calatrava, it is not reasonable to predict that the future enrolment in the public school will encounter a shortfall.
Error: enrolment Suggestion: enrollment
Sentence: Indeed, the birthrate of Calatrava in last year is only half of five years ago, but this data does not provide any constructive information that will be useful to make prediction on the future enrolment.
Error: enrolment Suggestion: enrollment
Sentence: For instance, enrolment may increase in future if there are many students immigrate from other cities to Calatrava.
Error: enrolment Suggestion: enrollment
Sentence: Perhaps many students may transfer to public school from private school in future, which may also result in the rise of enrolment in public school.
Error: enrolment Suggestion: enrollment
Sentence: Hence, the accuracy of using birthrate as sole indicator to determine the future enrolment in Calatrava would not be the best measure to propose the abovementioned recommendation.
Error: enrolment Suggestion: enrollment
Sentence: Students are also less likely to acess to high quality curriculum activities and library.
Error: acess Suggestion: aces
Sentence: Overall speaking, the committee needs to present more evidences to support the recommendations made in the argument Without these evidences, the argument is simply unconvincing and sceptical in which whether these recommendations are really beneficial to both the students and residents in Calatrava.
Error: sceptical Suggestion: skeptical
argument 1 -- OK
argument 2 -- need to argue this:
At the same time, we can reduce funding for athletic playing fields and other recreational facilities.
argument 3 -- need to argue this:
As a result, we will have sufficient money to fund city facilities and programs used primarily by adults, since we can expect the adult population of the city to increase.
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 6 2
No. of Sentences: 30 15
No. of Words: 609 350
No. of Characters: 3240 1500
No. of Different Words: 239 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.968 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.32 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.952 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 257 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 206 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 163 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 114 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 20.3 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.399 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.667 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.298 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.463 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.122 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 162, Rule ID: IN_PAST[1]
Message: Did you mean: 'in the future'?
Suggestion: in the future
...led into Calatrava's public school in future. Despite the declination of birthrate i...
^^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 814, Rule ID: IN_PAST[1]
Message: Did you mean: 'in the future'?
Suggestion: in the future
...er to public school from private school in future, which may also result in the rise of e...
^^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 830, Rule ID: WHETHER[7]
Message: Perhaps you can shorten this phrase to just 'whether'. It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
Suggestion: whether
...s' quality. The second evidence is whether or not the adults in Calatrava are using the a...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 967, Rule ID: PROGRESSIVE_VERBS[1]
Message: This verb is normally not used in the progressive form. Try a simple form instead.
...hat majority of the adults in Calatrava are involving in other facilities and programs in the...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 1358, Rule ID: DID_BASEFORM[1]
Message: The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: 'result'
Suggestion: result
...hletic and recreational facilities will results in the drop of the quality of life amon...
^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 89, Rule ID: IN_PAST[1]
Message: Did you mean: 'in the future'?
Suggestion: in the future
...he adults' population of Calatrava in future. The committee proposed the funding of ...
^^^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 211, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[2]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'adults'' or 'adult's'?
Suggestion: adults'; adult's
...use they have anticipated a rise in the adults population. However, the committee may ...
^^^^^^
Line 7, column 310, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[2]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'adults'' or 'adult's'?
Suggestion: adults'; adult's
...look some factors that could affect the adults population. One of the factors is the e...
^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, consequently, finally, first, hence, however, if, look, may, moreover, really, second, so, thus, for instance, in addition, in fact, to begin with
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 22.0 19.6327345309 112% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 21.0 12.9520958084 162% => OK
Conjunction : 17.0 11.1786427146 152% => OK
Relative clauses : 11.0 13.6137724551 81% => OK
Pronoun: 28.0 28.8173652695 97% => OK
Preposition: 100.0 55.5748502994 180% => OK
Nominalization: 39.0 16.3942115768 238% => Less nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 3348.0 2260.96107784 148% => OK
No of words: 609.0 441.139720559 138% => Less content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.49753694581 5.12650576532 107% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.96768813016 4.56307096286 109% => OK
Word Length SD: 3.16892382155 2.78398813304 114% => OK
Unique words: 247.0 204.123752495 121% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.405582922824 0.468620217663 87% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 1093.5 705.55239521 155% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.8 1.59920159681 113% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 6.0 4.96107784431 121% => OK
Article: 16.0 8.76447105788 183% => OK
Subordination: 1.0 2.70958083832 37% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 1.67365269461 60% => OK
Preposition: 7.0 4.22255489022 166% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 30.0 19.7664670659 152% => OK
Sentence length: 20.0 22.8473053892 88% => OK
Sentence length SD: 54.0451354579 57.8364921388 93% => OK
Chars per sentence: 111.6 119.503703932 93% => OK
Words per sentence: 20.3 23.324526521 87% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.23333333333 5.70786347227 92% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 8.0 5.25449101796 152% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 9.0 8.20758483034 110% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 7.0 6.88822355289 102% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 14.0 4.67664670659 299% => Less facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.204148514194 0.218282227539 94% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0532383964304 0.0743258471296 72% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0597037259276 0.0701772020484 85% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.121033251124 0.128457276422 94% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.060399207454 0.0628817314937 96% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 14.6 14.3799401198 102% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 34.26 48.3550499002 71% => OK
smog_index: 11.2 7.1628742515 156% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 13.5 12.197005988 111% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 14.62 12.5979740519 116% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.26 8.32208582834 99% => OK
difficult_words: 140.0 98.500998004 142% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 16.0 12.3882235529 129% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.0 11.1389221557 90% => OK
text_standard: 15.0 11.9071856287 126% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Write the essay in 30 minutes.
Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.