The following is a letter to the head of the tourism bureau on the island of Tria.
"Erosion of beach sand along the shores of Tria Island is a serious threat to our island and our tourist industry. In order to stop the erosion, we should charge people for using the beaches. Although this solution may annoy a few tourists in the short term, it will reduce the number of people using the beaches and will raise money for replenishing the sand. Replenishing the sand, as was done to protect buildings on the nearby island of Batia, will help protect buildings along our shores, thereby reducing these buildings' risk of additional damage from severe storms. And since the areas along the shore will be more attractive as a result, the beaches will be preserved and the area's tourist industry will improve over the long term."
The letter states that charging people for using beach on the island of tria will replenish the sand as well as protecting buildings and improve area's tourist industry over the long term. Though this statement might be true since eroshion of beach sand could be a serious threat to the island and tourist industry, many other pieces of evidences are required to substantiate the feasibility and consequence of such recommendation.
To begin with, the author fails to provide the information indicating whether the government is able to raise money for replenish the sand. if people are charged for using the beaches, it is likely that many people will be dropped out of using beach on the island of tria. They perhaps find other free beaches and go to other places for relax. In this case, with decreasing population attending the beach, it is questionable that whether admission fee charged would be enough to replenish the sand. In the long term, people who have been attracted to other beaches might not be willing to return to this beach even if sand has been replenished. Besides, due to severe storms, there is no guarantee that sand can be replenished successfully consistently. if frequent replenishment is necessary, the cost might outweigh benefit a lot, thereby reducing the significance of doing so. other than charging the beach, there could be better way to raise money, such as private donation, government subsidy and so on.
Moreover, another pieces information we need in order to fully evaluate the argument is whether replenishing the sand would decrease buildings' risk of additional damage. The author fails to provide detailed information about original condition of these buildings on the nearby island of batia. if these buildings all have long history and were constructed by poor materials, then overhaul or fully renovation might be more helpful than dealing with sand in terms of reducing damage. In addition, we should be informed about exact severity of storms. if the storms are too strong to cause no negative impact on buildings, replenishing the sand could be meaningless, as the total damage would not be reduced dramatically simply owing to more sands.
last but not least, the author assumes that the area's tourist industry will improve over the long twem if beaches are preserved. this claim might be true if most people are attracted by beauty of beaches. When sands are replenished, people can enjoy themselves by activities related to sand. However, we have to admit the long term tourism prosperity is depended on several factors, such as surrounding environments, location, prices of hotels, and services. No single element can predict the entire tourist industry readily. For example, if prices of hotels are not affordable to most individuals, then the population visiting the island of batia would not be too many. Therefore, more evidences about infrastructures, quality and services, and prices are required to conclude tourist industry.
To sum up, as it stands, the letter to the head of tourism bureau is relied on considerable incomplete evidences. Although charging tourists is a good way to raise money for replenishing sand, which might be a adequate resortion to protecting buildings and attracting more tourists, we should strengthen the statement with more persuasive evidences. The author ought to add information as follows: first, whether charging admission fee to the beach is the best appraoch to raise money; second, whether additional damage can be prevented; last, whether area's tourist industry will improve over the long term.
Comments
Essay evaluation report
argument 1 -- OK
argument 2 -- not really, need to argue:
Replenishing the sand, as was done to protect buildings on the nearby island of Batia, will help protect buildings along our shores, thereby reducing these buildings' risk of additional damage from severe storms.
argument 3 -- OK
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 19 15
No. of Words: 580 350
No. of Characters: 2949 1500
No. of Different Words: 249 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.907 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.084 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.728 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 221 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 165 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 114 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 74 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 30.526 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 13.228 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.684 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.326 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.546 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.093 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 141, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: If
... to raise money for replenish the sand. if people are charged for using the beache...
^^
Line 3, column 755, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: If
... replenished successfully consistently. if frequent replenishment is necessary, th...
^^
Line 3, column 1010, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...donation, government subsidy and so on. Moreover, another pieces information we ...
^^^^^^
Line 5, column 19, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'pieces'' or 'piece's'?
Suggestion: pieces'; piece's
...sidy and so on. Moreover, another pieces information we need in order to fully e...
^^^^^^
Line 5, column 295, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: If
...uildings on the nearby island of batia. if these buildings all have long history a...
^^
Line 5, column 551, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: If
...nformed about exact severity of storms. if the storms are too strong to cause no n...
^^
Line 5, column 748, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...ramatically simply owing to more sands. last but not least, the author assumes t...
^^^^^^^^^
Line 9, column 1, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Last
...ly simply owing to more sands. last but not least, the author assumes that ...
^^^^
Line 9, column 130, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: This
...the long twem if beaches are preserved. this claim might be true if most people are ...
^^^^
Line 13, column 209, Rule ID: EN_A_VS_AN
Message: Use 'an' instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
Suggestion: an
...y for replenishing sand, which might be a adequate resortion to protecting buildi...
^
Line 13, column 609, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...dustry will improve over the long term.
^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
besides, but, first, however, if, moreover, second, so, then, therefore, well, as to, for example, in addition, such as, as well as, to begin with, to sum up
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 36.0 19.6327345309 183% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 25.0 12.9520958084 193% => OK
Conjunction : 12.0 11.1786427146 107% => OK
Relative clauses : 8.0 13.6137724551 59% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 20.0 28.8173652695 69% => OK
Preposition: 71.0 55.5748502994 128% => OK
Nominalization: 21.0 16.3942115768 128% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 3037.0 2260.96107784 134% => OK
No of words: 580.0 441.139720559 131% => OK
Chars per words: 5.23620689655 5.12650576532 102% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.90746259869 4.56307096286 108% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.81368481452 2.78398813304 101% => OK
Unique words: 273.0 204.123752495 134% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.470689655172 0.468620217663 100% => OK
syllable_count: 928.8 705.55239521 132% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 7.0 4.96107784431 141% => OK
Article: 7.0 8.76447105788 80% => OK
Subordination: 10.0 2.70958083832 369% => Less adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 2.0 1.67365269461 119% => OK
Preposition: 6.0 4.22255489022 142% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 25.0 19.7664670659 126% => OK
Sentence length: 23.0 22.8473053892 101% => OK
Sentence length SD: 52.2362938961 57.8364921388 90% => OK
Chars per sentence: 121.48 119.503703932 102% => OK
Words per sentence: 23.2 23.324526521 99% => OK
Discourse Markers: 6.28 5.70786347227 110% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 11.0 5.25449101796 209% => Less language errors wanted.
Sentences with positive sentiment : 12.0 8.20758483034 146% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 9.0 6.88822355289 131% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 4.0 4.67664670659 86% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.214063638497 0.218282227539 98% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0656431439357 0.0743258471296 88% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0571317476828 0.0701772020484 81% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.144919563572 0.128457276422 113% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0683477995191 0.0628817314937 109% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 14.9 14.3799401198 104% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 48.13 48.3550499002 100% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 12.3 12.197005988 101% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.41 12.5979740519 106% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.48 8.32208582834 102% => OK
difficult_words: 136.0 98.500998004 138% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 14.0 12.3882235529 113% => OK
gunning_fog: 11.2 11.1389221557 101% => OK
text_standard: 14.0 11.9071856287 118% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.