A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. Currently, the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away; thus, the proposed new jazz club in Monroe, the C-Note, would have the local market all to itself. Plus, jazz is extremely popular in Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe's annual jazz festival last summer; several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe; and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight at 7 P.M. Finally, a nationwide study indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment."
In the above application for a loan, the developers assert various reasons about why a jazz music club would be a profitable business in the city of Monroe. In their explanation they point out the popularity of jazz music in the city and state the findings of a study of annual expenditure of the people of the country on jazz. From the above paragraph we can infer that all the reasons contended are based on predictions or study which could be irrelevant in this case.
Firstly, the author predicts that the jazz club business will be tremendously successful in Monroe. He based this on the absence of a jazz club in proximity of city. According to the author other jazz club is 65 miles away from the city which can give the new club access to the local market. But it cannot be merely assumed that the locals of the city will be interested in the club. There is a possibility that the people living near the proposed place of the club would not be interested in the jazz club which explains the absence of one until now.
Furthermore, the author contends that jazz music is very popular in the city of Monroe. He states that over 1, 00,000 people attended jazz music festival. But here he has not mentioned the total population of the city; which could be much higher and it would infer that jazz music is not very popular in the city. It is also possible that the people who attended the festival did not do so because of interest in jazz music, but because they needed a welcome distraction from their everyday monotonous life. Moreover, the author states that many famous jazz artists live in Monroe. Presence of famous jazz artists in the city is not strong enough reason for increase in popularity of jazz music on the city. The artists might be living in the city not because of popularity of jazz but as the living conditions in the city might be favourable for them.
The high-rating of a radio program on jazz in the city can also be considered as the absence of other entertaining shows on radio; which automatically makes the music show popular. Finally, at the end of the application the developers mention a study of annual expenditure of jazz fans of the country on jazz music which is notably high. Though, it is not specifically mentioned that people of Monroe spend this much amount on jazz. It is certainly possible that the expenditure of people of other cities is much higher which explains the rise in average expenditure; which also infers that People of Monroe are not that much interested in jazz as the author predicts.
Hence, the developers must affirm more concrete reasons and studies for the application. Also they should approach people of Monroe about their interests in jazz music. Only by knowing all the facts can they check the feasibility of the project and set up a successful business.
Comments
Essay evaluation report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.5 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 22 15
No. of Words: 501 350
No. of Characters: 2290 1500
No. of Different Words: 191 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.731 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.571 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.493 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 144 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 96 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 67 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 44 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 22.773 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.235 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.545 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.381 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.571 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.172 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 2, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...hich could be irrelevant in this case. Firstly, the author predicts that the ja...
^^^
Line 6, column 340, Rule ID: SENTENCE_FRAGMENT[1]
Message: “Though” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
...ry on jazz music which is notably high. Though, it is not specifically mentioned that ...
^^^^^^
Line 8, column 90, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Also,
...easons and studies for the application. Also they should approach people of Monroe a...
^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, finally, first, firstly, furthermore, hence, if, moreover, so
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 22.0 19.6327345309 112% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 16.0 12.9520958084 124% => OK
Conjunction : 9.0 11.1786427146 81% => OK
Relative clauses : 22.0 13.6137724551 162% => OK
Pronoun: 33.0 28.8173652695 115% => OK
Preposition: 75.0 55.5748502994 135% => OK
Nominalization: 11.0 16.3942115768 67% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2341.0 2260.96107784 104% => OK
No of words: 501.0 441.139720559 114% => OK
Chars per words: 4.67265469062 5.12650576532 91% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.73107062784 4.56307096286 104% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.53660183457 2.78398813304 91% => OK
Unique words: 197.0 204.123752495 97% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.393213572854 0.468620217663 84% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 745.2 705.55239521 106% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 5.0 4.96107784431 101% => OK
Article: 7.0 8.76447105788 80% => OK
Subordination: 0.0 2.70958083832 0% => More adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 3.0 1.67365269461 179% => OK
Preposition: 5.0 4.22255489022 118% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 22.0 19.7664670659 111% => OK
Sentence length: 22.0 22.8473053892 96% => OK
Sentence length SD: 45.1438701073 57.8364921388 78% => OK
Chars per sentence: 106.409090909 119.503703932 89% => OK
Words per sentence: 22.7727272727 23.324526521 98% => OK
Discourse Markers: 3.27272727273 5.70786347227 57% => More transition words/phrases wanted.
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 3.0 5.25449101796 57% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 12.0 8.20758483034 146% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 3.0 6.88822355289 44% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 7.0 4.67664670659 150% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.406967549143 0.218282227539 186% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.150319912433 0.0743258471296 202% => Sentence topic similarity is high.
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0870045752469 0.0701772020484 124% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.247372823417 0.128457276422 193% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.123911358379 0.0628817314937 197% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 12.0 14.3799401198 83% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 57.61 48.3550499002 119% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 10.7 12.197005988 88% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 10.1 12.5979740519 80% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.56 8.32208582834 91% => OK
difficult_words: 90.0 98.500998004 91% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 14.5 12.3882235529 117% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.8 11.1389221557 97% => OK
text_standard: 11.0 11.9071856287 92% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 58.33 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.5 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.