Milk and dairy products are rich in vitamin D and calcium—substances essential for building and maintaining bones. Many people therefore say that a diet rich in dairy products can help prevent osteoporosis, a disease that is linked to both environmental and genetic factors and that causes the bones to weaken significantly with age. But a long-term study of a large number of people found that those who consistently consumed dairy products throughout the years of the study have a higher rate of bone fractures than any other participants in the study. Since bone fractures are symptomatic of osteoporosis, this study result shows that a diet rich in dairy products may actually increase, rather than decrease, the risk of osteoporosis.
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
The author of the article asserts that diet with milk and dairy will, contradict to many people’s thought, increase the risk of osteoporosis. In order to support the assertion, the author claims that, according to the study, people have higher rate of bone fractures, which is one of the symptom of osteoporosis. However, more evidences need to be provided in order to assess this claim.
First, we need to know how the study was conducted. Was the data they receive from the people of the study correct? For example, if the researcher acquired the data from the questionnaire, that only asked people for whether or not they got feature bones, the data may exist biases or inaccuracy. Even though they investigated for the fracture bone by the technical instrument, they still need to show the detail about it. That is, whether the instruments investigate for fracture bones trustworthy? Were these instruments calibrated so that they can get accurate data? Without these further details of the study, we cannot make sure there are more people have fractures bones in this study.
The second thing we need to know is that whether other factors, other than osteoporosis, may result in bone fractures. Fracture bones is one of the indicator of osteoporosis, but it doesn’t indicate the all fracture bones in the study are caused by osteoporosis. For example, people who love extreme sport may have more probability to get fracture bones. Or, it is also possible other unhealthy diet may increase the risk of fracture bones. For example, some research shows that people who love fast food may consume more calcium in their body decaying their bone’s strength, and therefore have higher risk to get fracture bones. Hence, only after we clarify these factor we can conclude that the the fracture bones is result from osteoporosis.
Furthermore, it is necessary to know the detail of the milk that is consumed by the people in the study. That is, even calcium and vitamin D, which conducive to maintaining bones, are contain in regular milk, we cannot guarantee the people in the study had drank this kind of product. It is possible that the milk they consumed was “trimmed” milk, which is lack of crucial these elements to maintain bone structure. Once we cannot make sure whether those people took normal milk, we cannot substantiate the claim of the author.
To sum up, there are several essential factors need to be elucidated to substantiate the claim of the author. Before enough evidences are provided, it is too assertive to say that milk will increase the risk of osteoporosis.
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| 2023-01-18 | vrajgparekh | 78 | view |
| 2022-11-16 | raghavchauhan619 | 78 | view |
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Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 22 15
No. of Words: 435 350
No. of Characters: 2087 1500
No. of Different Words: 189 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.567 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.798 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.529 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 136 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 102 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 69 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 42 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 19.773 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.431 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.636 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.341 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.544 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.173 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 217, Rule ID: WHETHER[7]
Message: Perhaps you can shorten this phrase to just 'whether'. It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
Suggestion: whether
...estionnaire, that only asked people for whether or not they got feature bones, the data may ex...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 694, Rule ID: ENGLISH_WORD_REPEAT_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a word
Suggestion: the
...arify these factor we can conclude that the the fracture bones is result from osteoporo...
^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 694, Rule ID: DT_DT[1]
Message: Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only 'the' or 'the' is left.
Suggestion: the; the
...arify these factor we can conclude that the the fracture bones is result from osteoporo...
^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 185, Rule ID: BEEN_PART_AGREEMENT[1]
Message: Consider using a past participle here: 'contained'.
Suggestion: contained
...ich conducive to maintaining bones, are contain in regular milk, we cannot guarantee th...
^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, furthermore, hence, however, if, may, second, so, still, therefore, for example, kind of, to sum up
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 23.0 19.6327345309 117% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 18.0 12.9520958084 139% => OK
Conjunction : 6.0 11.1786427146 54% => More conjunction wanted.
Relative clauses : 17.0 13.6137724551 125% => OK
Pronoun: 42.0 28.8173652695 146% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 54.0 55.5748502994 97% => OK
Nominalization: 2.0 16.3942115768 12% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2169.0 2260.96107784 96% => OK
No of words: 434.0 441.139720559 98% => OK
Chars per words: 4.99769585253 5.12650576532 97% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.56428161445 4.56307096286 100% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.68651441102 2.78398813304 96% => OK
Unique words: 196.0 204.123752495 96% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.451612903226 0.468620217663 96% => OK
syllable_count: 681.3 705.55239521 97% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 12.0 4.96107784431 242% => Less pronouns wanted as sentence beginning.
Article: 4.0 8.76447105788 46% => OK
Subordination: 3.0 2.70958083832 111% => OK
Conjunction: 2.0 1.67365269461 119% => OK
Preposition: 5.0 4.22255489022 118% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 22.0 19.7664670659 111% => OK
Sentence length: 19.0 22.8473053892 83% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 38.5800927127 57.8364921388 67% => OK
Chars per sentence: 98.5909090909 119.503703932 83% => OK
Words per sentence: 19.7272727273 23.324526521 85% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.31818181818 5.70786347227 93% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 4.0 5.25449101796 76% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 6.0 8.20758483034 73% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 5.0 6.88822355289 73% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 11.0 4.67664670659 235% => Less facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.17093526938 0.218282227539 78% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0532513166011 0.0743258471296 72% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0392405706164 0.0701772020484 56% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0965638424946 0.128457276422 75% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0329521150299 0.0628817314937 52% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 12.0 14.3799401198 83% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 52.19 48.3550499002 108% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 10.7 12.197005988 88% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.72 12.5979740519 93% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.96 8.32208582834 96% => OK
difficult_words: 93.0 98.500998004 94% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 8.0 12.3882235529 65% => OK
gunning_fog: 9.6 11.1389221557 86% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 11.9071856287 101% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
---------------------
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.