Pirouettes Ballet School is the clear choice for any child. Of all the dance schools in Elmtown, Pirouettes has the most intensive program, and our teachers have danced in the most prestigious ballet companies all over the world. Many of our students have gone on to become professional dancers with top dance companies.
Here the author declared the Prorouttes Ballet school as a clear winner to be chosen for any children. This conclusion is based on several assumptions which need to cleared to make a decision.
In the beginning, the author asserted that this school has the most intensive program among the ballet schools in Elmtown. Here the assumption is that an intensive program will result in automatic success. As a form of art, an intensive promgram might help the most gifted ballet dancer. But might not be suitable for all the students. The author did not present any cogent argument that how the intensive program might help a student in his or her pursuence in ballet dancing. The benefit of the intensive promgram & how it is fit for the student would have made the conslusion more robust.
Furthermore, it was assumed in this argument that having teachers who have danced for some prestigious ballet companies will be best for the students. It is one of the most common conception in out society that a good student will automatically be a good teacher. But that might not be the case. A person might be very good dancer himself, but that does not translate into good teaching automatically. In fotball, we have seen great players seldom become a good manager or tactician themselves. The success stories of the teachers along with their throughput number of students would make the claim more compelling.
Also, the author clamied that many of the students of this ballet school have gone to dance with top companies. But it did not gave any number or value to compare with the other schools. It is possible that some of the other ballet schoolsword might have higher success rate and number of dancer performing for top companies than Prorouttes Ballet school. That might swing the opinion of many parents toward other school. in addition, as the school has a very intensive program and high profile teacher, the cost of school can be very high too. This might drive away many parents. Thus the schooling cost became a very cruical point for many parents.
Although the claim of the author supported by the information given here sounds very convincing, before making the choice for the ballet school more convincing these assumtions and implications needs to addressed.
Comments
Essay evaluation report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.5 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 21 15
No. of Words: 384 350
No. of Characters: 1849 1500
No. of Different Words: 183 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.427 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.815 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.464 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 139 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 92 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 57 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 38 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 18.286 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.179 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.381 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.304 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.514 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.097 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 7, column 128, Rule ID: DID_BASEFORM[1]
Message: The verb 'did' requires the base form of the verb: 'give'
Suggestion: give
...ance with top companies. But it did not gave any number or value to compare with the...
^^^^
Line 7, column 208, Rule ID: SOME_OF_THE[1]
Message: Simply use 'some'.
Suggestion: some
... the other schools. It is possible that some of the other ballet schoolsword might have hig...
^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 423, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: In
...on of many parents toward other school. in addition, as the school has a very inte...
^^
Line 7, column 582, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Thus,
...oo. This might drive away many parents. Thus the schooling cost became a very cruica...
^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, furthermore, if, so, thus, in addition
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 13.0 19.6327345309 66% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 15.0 12.9520958084 116% => OK
Conjunction : 10.0 11.1786427146 89% => OK
Relative clauses : 12.0 13.6137724551 88% => OK
Pronoun: 27.0 28.8173652695 94% => OK
Preposition: 37.0 55.5748502994 67% => OK
Nominalization: 7.0 16.3942115768 43% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1897.0 2260.96107784 84% => OK
No of words: 384.0 441.139720559 87% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 4.94010416667 5.12650576532 96% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.4267276788 4.56307096286 97% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.56599714983 2.78398813304 92% => OK
Unique words: 184.0 204.123752495 90% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.479166666667 0.468620217663 102% => OK
syllable_count: 565.2 705.55239521 80% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 7.0 4.96107784431 141% => OK
Article: 8.0 8.76447105788 91% => OK
Subordination: 4.0 2.70958083832 148% => OK
Conjunction: 4.0 1.67365269461 239% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 4.0 4.22255489022 95% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 22.0 19.7664670659 111% => OK
Sentence length: 17.0 22.8473053892 74% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 42.0194760038 57.8364921388 73% => OK
Chars per sentence: 86.2272727273 119.503703932 72% => OK
Words per sentence: 17.4545454545 23.324526521 75% => OK
Discourse Markers: 2.22727272727 5.70786347227 39% => More transition words/phrases wanted.
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 4.0 5.25449101796 76% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 15.0 8.20758483034 183% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 0.0 6.88822355289 0% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 7.0 4.67664670659 150% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.369437975766 0.218282227539 169% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.10589429259 0.0743258471296 142% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0792907853115 0.0701772020484 113% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.192805382008 0.128457276422 150% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0737268435155 0.0628817314937 117% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 10.6 14.3799401198 74% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 62.68 48.3550499002 130% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 8.7 12.197005988 71% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.08 12.5979740519 88% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.65 8.32208582834 92% => OK
difficult_words: 77.0 98.500998004 78% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 6.0 12.3882235529 48% => Linsear_write_formula is low.
gunning_fog: 8.8 11.1389221557 79% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 11.9071856287 76% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.