"A recent study of eighteen rhesus monkeys provides clues as to the effects of birth order on an individual's levels of stimulation. The study showed that in stimulating situations (such as an encounter with an unfamiliar monkey), firstborn infant monkeys produce up to twice as much of the hormone cortisol, which primes the body for increased activity levels, as do their younger siblings. Firstborn humans also produce relatively high levels of cortisol in stimulating situations (such as the return of a parent after an absence). The study also found that during pregnancy, first-time mother monkeys had higher levels of cortisol than did those who had had several offspring.
The result of the study is based upon a lot of porous information and is therefore faulty. There are numerous reasons why the study done for 28 Rhesus monkeys doesn't account for a comprehensive study about the behavior pattern for monkeys and it also doesn't explain the study's relation with human infants. There are also alternate explanations for the facts presented in the passage that can produce different reasons why the firstborns are creating more cortisol and it is definitely not based of birth order.
First of all, The study done on only 28 monkeys and then taking the study result as an exhautive study of firstborn behavior is fallacious. The number 28 is too small to a sample for a study to be this conclusive. Then, the study also doesn't provide information about the number of infant and parent monkeys in the selected set of 28 monkeys. It can very well be that half of the 28 monkeys are parent monkeys leaving only the other half for being infants and only 2 or 3 of them have siblings. Then the increase of cortisol among these few numbers cannot definitively provide information for the behavior of all the monkeys in the world. Moreover, the monkeys may be kept in different cells so that whenever they see some other monkey, they get excited seeing a being that they are similar and that can account for the increase of cortisol as well. Therefore, to conclusively understand the increase of cortisol, we need further information about studies done on a larger sample as well as the distribution of the parent-child withing the samples.
Secondly, although monkeys are very similar to humans in a lot of ways, there are distinctive differences that make them different species. Therefore, a study done on monkeys cannot be related to the humans without proper evidence or studies on humans themselves. A firstborn human infant may have no other sibilings and is therefore raised by only their parents and no other person. The parents may also be out for work most of the time and that accounts for the reason why firstborn human infants are excited when they see their parents. As for their younger sibilings, when they are born and raised, their have a older sibiling and not raised by their parents alone. So, they have someone always close to them, namely their elder sibiling and that accounts for the fact why the younger ones aren't as excited as the elder ones when they see their parents.
Finally, a monkey that is pregnant for the first time may have no idea what is going to happen to her in the next few days or even the next few moments which accounts for the reason why they are producing extra cortisol when compared to another one who has had experience with childbirth before and is, therefore, aware of the process of childbirth. Therefore, monkeys who had a child before isn't as excited as the monkey who is going to be the mother for the first time in her life. Also, this doesn't account for the fact why the firstborn child who is inside in her mothers belly is also producing more cortisol and the two matters may not even be related at all. Therefore, we need far more research data and proper evidence to get further insight onto the matter.
In conclusion, the sample size of the study is too small for the research to be a comprehensive one and there are also some holes within the result and its possible reasons. There are also alternate explanation of the facts that can prove that the conclusion derived from the study may not be entirely correct. We, therefore, need a proper research done on a much larger samples to draw a definitive conclusion along with other relevant data, otherwise the study done is deemed faulty and inconclusive.
Comments
Essay evaluation report
Sentence: First of all, The study done on only 28 monkeys and then taking the study result as an exhautive study of firstborn behavior is fallacious.
Error: firstborn Suggestion: first born
Error: exhautive Suggestion: exhaustive
Sentence: A firstborn human infant may have no other sibilings and is therefore raised by only their parents and no other person.
Error: sibilings Suggestion: siblings
Sentence: As for their younger sibilings, when they are born and raised, their have a older sibiling and not raised by their parents alone.
Error: sibilings Suggestion: siblings
Error: sibiling Suggestion: sibling
Sentence: So, they have someone always close to them, namely their elder sibiling and that accounts for the fact why the younger ones aren't as excited as the elder ones when they see their parents.
Error: sibiling Suggestion: sibling
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argument 1 -- not OK
argument 2 -- not OK
argument 3 -- not OK
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see the sample:
https://www.testbig.com/story/gre-argument-essay-topic-2-outline
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: ? out of 6
Category: Poor Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 5 2
No. of Sentences: 23 15
No. of Words: 653 350
No. of Characters: 2997 1500
No. of Different Words: 239 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 5.055 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.59 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.45 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 199 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 152 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 88 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 52 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 28.391 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.955 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.957 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.328 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.537 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.206 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 160, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: doesn't
...hy the study done for 28 Rhesus monkeys doesnt account for a comprehensive study about...
^^^^^^
Line 1, column 252, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: doesn't
...ehavior pattern for monkeys and it also doesnt explain the studys relation with human ...
^^^^^^
Line 3, column 236, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: doesn't
...e this conclusive. Then, the study also doesnt provide information about the number of...
^^^^^^
Line 3, column 593, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...not definitively provide information for the behavior of all the monkeys in the w...
^^
Line 5, column 615, Rule ID: EN_A_VS_AN
Message: Use 'an' instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
Suggestion: an
...en they are born and raised, their have a older sibiling and not raised by their ...
^
Line 5, column 795, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: aren't
...ounts for the fact why the younger ones arent as excited as the elder ones when they ...
^^^^^
Line 7, column 314, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...ith childbirth before and is, therefore, aware of the process of childbirth. Ther...
^^
Line 7, column 394, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: isn't
...erefore, monkeys who had a child before isnt as excited as the monkey who is going t...
^^^^
Line 7, column 497, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: doesn't
... the first time in her life. Also, this doesnt account for the fact why the firstborn ...
^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, finally, first, if, may, moreover, second, secondly, so, then, therefore, well, as for, in conclusion, as well as, first of all
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 37.0 19.6327345309 188% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 15.0 12.9520958084 116% => OK
Conjunction : 22.0 11.1786427146 197% => OK
Relative clauses : 20.0 13.6137724551 147% => OK
Pronoun: 42.0 28.8173652695 146% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 66.0 55.5748502994 119% => OK
Nominalization: 10.0 16.3942115768 61% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 3058.0 2260.96107784 135% => OK
No of words: 647.0 441.139720559 147% => Less content wanted.
Chars per words: 4.72642967543 5.12650576532 92% => OK
Fourth root words length: 5.04343084457 4.56307096286 111% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.50792503685 2.78398813304 90% => OK
Unique words: 249.0 204.123752495 122% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.38485316847 0.468620217663 82% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 967.5 705.55239521 137% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 7.0 4.96107784431 141% => OK
Article: 10.0 8.76447105788 114% => OK
Subordination: 3.0 2.70958083832 111% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 2.0 4.22255489022 47% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 23.0 19.7664670659 116% => OK
Sentence length: 28.0 22.8473053892 123% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively long.
Sentence length SD: 55.4521882308 57.8364921388 96% => OK
Chars per sentence: 132.956521739 119.503703932 111% => OK
Words per sentence: 28.1304347826 23.324526521 121% => OK
Discourse Markers: 6.0 5.70786347227 105% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 9.0 5.25449101796 171% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 11.0 8.20758483034 134% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 8.0 6.88822355289 116% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 4.0 4.67664670659 86% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.194365111475 0.218282227539 89% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0718270374754 0.0743258471296 97% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0646399512966 0.0701772020484 92% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.120815739971 0.128457276422 94% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0671702614029 0.0628817314937 107% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 14.9 14.3799401198 104% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 51.52 48.3550499002 107% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 13.0 12.197005988 107% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 10.45 12.5979740519 83% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.78 8.32208582834 93% => OK
difficult_words: 113.0 98.500998004 115% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 13.5 12.3882235529 109% => OK
gunning_fog: 13.2 11.1389221557 119% => OK
text_standard: 14.0 11.9071856287 118% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Write the essay in 30 minutes.
Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.