"A recent study of eighteen rhesus monkeys provides clues as to the effects of birth order on an individual's levels of stimulation. The study showed that in stimulating situations (such as an encounter with an unfamiliar monkey), firstborn infant monkeys produce up to twice as much of the hormone cortisol, which primes the body for increased activity levels, as do their younger siblings. Firstborn humans also produce relatively high levels of cortisol in stimulating situations (such as the return of a parent after an absence). The study also found that during pregnancy, first-time mother monkeys had higher levels of cortisol than did those who had had several offspring."
Write a response in which you discuss one or more alternative explanations that could rival the proposed explanation and explain how your explanation(s) can plausibly account for the facts presented in the argument.
The paragraph discusses about the effect of birth order in rhesus monkeys for the production of cortisol. The paragraph doesn't clarify whether all the eighteen monkeys were born in the same clan or in the same area or belong to the same sub species or in what season the data was collected. The area might not be rich in food or the area might have a lot of predators which can affect cortisol hormone production .
The season plays a huge role.In winter, the presence of food is less, and in summer, due to high temperatures, the cortisol might fluctuate. Hnce that should be clearly mentioned.Also, here only 18 monkeys were taken into consideration.That is too small a sample to make a statement. The result which stated that first born infant monkeys showed twice as much cortisol as the younger ones. But this statement cannot conclusively say that first born monkeys show higher stimulation.When an unfamiliar monkey enters the territory, if only the mother is present and she has only one infant(firstborn), the mother will produce the stress hormone, cortisol. The infant understands the clue from the mother and also starts producing cortisol. But in monkeys, the older siblings take care of the younger ones and the young monkeys live with their mothers until a certain age. So when the intruder comes, the mother would have her children to protect the infant. Hence she would produce, less cortisol and thus younger infants also produce less cortisol.
To accurately know whether the stimulation depends on birth order, the observations should take into consideration the number of monkeys presnt when the intruder is present and what is the age gap between older and younger monkeys to verify the fact that when the intruder was present, was the older monkey present to protect its sibling.The same argument can be extended to humans. When parents are absent, it is generally the responsibility of the eldest child to take care of his/her siblings. So naturally they have high level of cortison and the younger siblings whol dont have anybody's responisbility will have less cortisol.SO, in order to verify the results,the younger sibling should have responsibilites of someone like a pet etc their the level of cortisol must be measured.
It is also given that first time mother monkeys had higher levels of cortisol than the one who had several offspring. It all stems from the fact that first time mothers will be nervous about giving birth as they donot have any previous experience.That is why the level of cortisol is higher.So, the cortisol is only produced in conditions where stress is present and the study done is inconclusive to show that the level of stimulation has anything to do with birth order.
Comments
Essay evaluation report
flaws:
more paragraphs wanted for arguments.
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: ? out of 6
Category: Poor Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 16 15
No. of Words: 467 350
No. of Characters: 2221 1500
No. of Different Words: 212 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.649 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.756 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.5 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 152 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 110 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 64 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 35 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 29.188 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 16.125 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.625 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.343 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.528 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.115 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 121, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: doesn't
...e production of cortisol. The paragraph doesnt clarify whether all the eighteen monkey...
^^^^^^
Line 1, column 292, Rule ID: ENGLISH_WORD_REPEAT_BEGINNING_RULE
Message: Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Reword the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
... in what season the data was collected. The area might not be rich in food or the a...
^^^
Line 1, column 413, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Don't put a space before the full stop
Suggestion: .
...h can affect cortisol hormone production .The season plays a huge role.In winter, ...
^^
Line 1, column 415, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: The
...can affect cortisol hormone production .The season plays a huge role.In winter, the...
^^^
Line 1, column 415, Rule ID: ENGLISH_WORD_REPEAT_BEGINNING_RULE
Message: Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Reword the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
...can affect cortisol hormone production .The season plays a huge role.In winter, the...
^^^
Line 1, column 444, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: In
...roduction .The season plays a huge role.In winter, the presence of food is less, a...
^^
Line 1, column 594, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: Also
.... Hnce that should be clearly mentioned.Also, here only 18 monkeys were taken into c...
^^^^
Line 1, column 651, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: That
...8 monkeys were taken into consideration.That is too small a sample to make a stateme...
^^^^
Line 1, column 896, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: When
...st born monkeys show higher stimulation.When an unfamiliar monkey enters the territo...
^^^^
Line 1, column 1368, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Hence,
...ave her children to protect the infant. Hence she would produce, less cortisol and th...
^^^^^
Line 1, column 1798, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: The
...r monkey present to protect its sibling.The same argument can be extended to humans...
^^^
Line 1, column 2033, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: don't
... cortison and the younger siblings whol dont have anybodys responisbility will have ...
^^^^
Line 1, column 2125, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma
Suggestion: , the
...tisol.SO, in order to verify the results,the younger sibling should have responsibil...
^^^^
Line 1, column 2493, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: That
...they donot have any previous experience.That is why the level of cortisol is higher....
^^^^
Line 1, column 2537, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: So
... is why the level of cortisol is higher.So, the cortisol is only produced in condi...
^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, hence, if, so, thus
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 23.0 19.6327345309 117% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 15.0 12.9520958084 116% => OK
Conjunction : 15.0 11.1786427146 134% => OK
Relative clauses : 18.0 13.6137724551 132% => OK
Pronoun: 23.0 28.8173652695 80% => OK
Preposition: 48.0 55.5748502994 86% => OK
Nominalization: 12.0 16.3942115768 73% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2262.0 2260.96107784 100% => OK
No of words: 456.0 441.139720559 103% => OK
Chars per words: 4.96052631579 5.12650576532 97% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.62105577807 4.56307096286 101% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.77571291367 2.78398813304 100% => OK
Unique words: 222.0 204.123752495 109% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.486842105263 0.468620217663 104% => OK
syllable_count: 701.1 705.55239521 99% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 5.0 4.96107784431 101% => OK
Article: 15.0 8.76447105788 171% => OK
Subordination: 3.0 2.70958083832 111% => OK
Conjunction: 3.0 1.67365269461 179% => OK
Preposition: 3.0 4.22255489022 71% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 15.0 19.7664670659 76% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 30.0 22.8473053892 131% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively long.
Sentence length SD: 98.6429250715 57.8364921388 171% => OK
Chars per sentence: 150.8 119.503703932 126% => OK
Words per sentence: 30.4 23.324526521 130% => OK
Discourse Markers: 2.46666666667 5.70786347227 43% => More transition words/phrases wanted.
Paragraphs: 1.0 5.15768463074 19% => More paragraphs wanted.
Language errors: 15.0 5.25449101796 285% => Less language errors wanted.
Sentences with positive sentiment : 7.0 8.20758483034 85% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 2.0 6.88822355289 29% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 6.0 4.67664670659 128% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.208868270082 0.218282227539 96% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0755152559993 0.0743258471296 102% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0586506670107 0.0701772020484 84% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.208868270082 0.128457276422 163% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0 0.0628817314937 0% => Paragraphs are similar to each other. Some content may get duplicated or it is not exactly right on the topic.
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 17.1 14.3799401198 119% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 49.49 48.3550499002 102% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 13.8 12.197005988 113% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.08 12.5979740519 96% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.38 8.32208582834 101% => OK
difficult_words: 94.0 98.500998004 95% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 17.0 12.3882235529 137% => OK
gunning_fog: 14.0 11.1389221557 126% => OK
text_standard: 14.0 11.9071856287 118% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Minimum four paragraphs wanted.
Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.