"A recent study of eighteen rhesus monkeys provides clues as to the effects of birth order on an individual's levels of stimulation. The study showed that in stimulating situations (such as an encounter with an unfamiliar monkey), firstborn infant monkeys produce up to twice as much of the hormone cortisol, which primes the body for increased activity levels, as do their younger siblings. Firstborn humans also produce relatively high levels of cortisol in stimulating situations (such as the return of a parent after an absence). The study also found that during pregnancy, first-time mother monkeys had higher levels of cortisol than did those who had had several offspring."
Write a response in which you discuss one or more alternative explanations that could rival the proposed explanation and explain how your explanation(s) can plausibly account for the facts presented in the argument.
The author’s argument that there is a relationship between individual’s birth order and levels of stimulation is flawed. In the argument, the author not only draws a conclusion based on vague and ambiguous terms, but also uses data from limited sample to make sweeping generalization about an entire population. Furthermore, the author makes the mistake of making a common conclusion from the data of two different kinds.
First of all, the argument readily assumes that there is a strong relationship between anatomies of rhesus monkeys and humans, so it makes a conclusion about human nature based on experiments made on rhesus monkeys. This is a weak and unsupported hypothesis as it does not demonstrate any clear correlation between rhesus monkeys and humans. If the argument had provided evidence that there is a high similarity between DNA’s of rhesus monkeys and humans, then it would have been a lot convincing to the reader.
Secondly, the argument claims that hormone activity level of firstborn infant monkeys is higher than their siblings in stimulating situations. This is an argument made with only one type of hormone, cortisol and limited number of monkeys, eighteen. The experiment’s results could be much more variant, if different kinds of hormones of monkeys or greater numbers of monkeys were observed. Hence, the argument would have been much more convincing if experiments were done with greater data.
Finally, the author cites that first-time mother monkeys had higher levels of cortisol than did those who had had several offspring. However, author ignores the possible age difference between monkeys, because most probably, first-time mother monkeys are younger than those who had several offspring. The reader is left with the impression that the experiment is done with identical monkeys under equal conditions.
In conclusion, the author’s argument is unpersuasive as it stands. To bolster it further, the author must provide more concrete evidence, perhaps by way of a detailed analysis of triggering conditions of different hormones in different age groups with convincing amount of experiments. Finally, to better assess the argument, it would be necessary to know more information about human anatomy and different kind of hormones.
Comments
Essay evaluation report
argument 1 -- not OK
argument 2 -- not OK
argument 3 -- not OK
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samples:
https://www.testbig.com/story/gre-argument-essay-topic-2-outline
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: ? out of 6
Category: Poor Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 16 15
No. of Words: 355 350
No. of Characters: 1873 1500
No. of Different Words: 176 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.341 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.276 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.762 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 154 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 119 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 77 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 47 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 22.188 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.56 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.688 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.37 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.636 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.141 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 7, column 107, Rule ID: ENGLISH_WORD_REPEAT_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a word
Suggestion: had
...r levels of cortisol than did those who had had several offspring. However, author igno...
^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, finally, first, furthermore, hence, however, if, second, secondly, so, then, in conclusion, kind of, first of all
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 17.0 19.6327345309 87% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 5.0 12.9520958084 39% => OK
Conjunction : 10.0 11.1786427146 89% => OK
Relative clauses : 8.0 13.6137724551 59% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 17.0 28.8173652695 59% => OK
Preposition: 47.0 55.5748502994 85% => OK
Nominalization: 19.0 16.3942115768 116% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1952.0 2260.96107784 86% => OK
No of words: 355.0 441.139720559 80% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.4985915493 5.12650576532 107% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.34067318298 4.56307096286 95% => OK
Word Length SD: 3.00036895172 2.78398813304 108% => OK
Unique words: 185.0 204.123752495 91% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.521126760563 0.468620217663 111% => OK
syllable_count: 612.9 705.55239521 87% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.7 1.59920159681 106% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 3.0 4.96107784431 60% => OK
Article: 11.0 8.76447105788 126% => OK
Subordination: 3.0 2.70958083832 111% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 1.67365269461 60% => OK
Preposition: 4.0 4.22255489022 95% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 16.0 19.7664670659 81% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 22.0 22.8473053892 96% => OK
Sentence length SD: 40.0896943584 57.8364921388 69% => OK
Chars per sentence: 122.0 119.503703932 102% => OK
Words per sentence: 22.1875 23.324526521 95% => OK
Discourse Markers: 7.75 5.70786347227 136% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 1.0 5.25449101796 19% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 8.0 8.20758483034 97% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 7.0 6.88822355289 102% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 1.0 4.67664670659 21% => More facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.23733927181 0.218282227539 109% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0856063177234 0.0743258471296 115% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0616524373942 0.0701772020484 88% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.126992550423 0.128457276422 99% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0560469254139 0.0628817314937 89% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 15.6 14.3799401198 108% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 40.69 48.3550499002 84% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 13.1 12.197005988 107% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 14.62 12.5979740519 116% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.86 8.32208582834 106% => OK
difficult_words: 93.0 98.500998004 94% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 15.0 12.3882235529 121% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.8 11.1389221557 97% => OK
text_standard: 15.0 11.9071856287 126% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 83.33 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 5.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.