"A recent study of eighteen rhesus monkeys provides clues as to the effects of birth order on an individual's levels of stimulation. The study showed that in stimulating situations (such as an encounter with an unfamiliar monkey), firstborn infant monkeys produce up to twice as much of the hormone cortisol, which primes the body for increased activity levels, as do their younger siblings. Firstborn humans also produce relatively high levels of cortisol in stimulating situations (such as the return of a parent after an absence). The study also found that during pregnancy, first-time mother monkeys had higher levels of cortisol than did those who had had several offspring."
The letter seems to imply that the results obtained on the sample of monkeys should be extended to humans in a way that doesn’t seem to bring much logical connectors.
First of all, the word “relatively” can be potentially vague in such context and an experienced reader may immediately ask whether quantitative results exist that compare first-born humans to their younger siblings. Relatively may also mean a production of the hormone which is higher compared to the sample of monkeys tested. Furtehrmore, the examples of scenarios given for humans and monkeys are not identical. In the case of human beings, higher levels of hormone are produced when a parent is met after a long period of time, but the fact that this is caused by the birth order may not be the reason at the end of the day. Correlation does not imply causation and a third factor may play a fundamental role here. Consider two siblings, a firstborn of 12 years old and a secondborn of one year old. It may be reasonable to question whether, the younger sibling, being more conscient of the surroundings and the fact that his parent is away from home, naturally produces more hormone just because the younger brother does not show mature skills in analyzing the surrounding environment.
The same thought process can be extended to the example that included mothers that went into labor for the first time in their lives. The example, apart from not having much connection with the central focus of the letter, may be influenced by the fact that a mother that experiences such situation for the first time is most likely not used to it and her body will consequently react to the lack of memory of a previous similar situation. Mothers that have already given birth to their kids, on the other hand are more aware of what happens in the process and how painful the process is, so the body may react with lower secretion of hormone.
In addition, there is also the problem of whether monkeys can really be compared to humans. The entire assumption here is based on the fact that humans are closely related to primates but even here, a distinction must be made. What monkeys have been tested? Is there some proof of correlation between humans and the tested monkeys’ genomes? These are reasonable questions that need an answer as monkeys such as gorillas or chimps are way different from humans and may react in different ways to unknown situations. In particular, the example given is the encounter of an unknown monkey, which the reader may believe it to be the changing variable used in a controlling sample group of younger monkeys. The reaction of monkeys may be different given that in nature an unknown monkey can be a potential challenger of your territory and a threat for yourself. This aspect may have been lost among humans that live in a society ruled by precise laws.
In conclusion, the results obtained from the study may be promising but may not be intended to find conclusions on the nature of human beings. As stated above, many questions could be raised to really make the results applicable to humans.
Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: ??? out of 6
Category: Poor Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 21 15
No. of Words: 537 350
No. of Characters: 2509 1500
No. of Different Words: 255 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.814 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.672 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.514 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 179 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 129 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 74 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 51 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 25.571 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 12.246 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.762 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.302 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.302 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.074 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 1 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 2, column 517, Rule ID: PERIOD_OF_TIME[1]
Message: Use simply 'period'.
Suggestion: period
...duced when a parent is met after a long period of time, but the fact that this is caused by th...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 2, column 791, Rule ID: EN_COMPOUNDS
Message: This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
Suggestion: one-year-old
...orn of 12 years old and a secondborn of one year old. It may be reasonable to question wheth...
^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 57, Rule ID: PROGRESSIVE_VERBS[1]
Message: This verb is normally not used in the progressive form. Try a simple form instead.
...the results obtained from the study may be promising but may not be intended to find conclus...
^^^^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, consequently, first, if, may, really, second, so, third, apart from, in addition, in conclusion, in particular, such as, first of all, on the other hand
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 33.0 19.6327345309 168% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 22.0 12.9520958084 170% => OK
Conjunction : 14.0 11.1786427146 125% => OK
Relative clauses : 17.0 13.6137724551 125% => OK
Pronoun: 27.0 28.8173652695 94% => OK
Preposition: 73.0 55.5748502994 131% => OK
Nominalization: 14.0 16.3942115768 85% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2574.0 2260.96107784 114% => OK
No of words: 536.0 441.139720559 122% => OK
Chars per words: 4.80223880597 5.12650576532 94% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.81161862636 4.56307096286 105% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.62491447208 2.78398813304 94% => OK
Unique words: 262.0 204.123752495 128% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.488805970149 0.468620217663 104% => OK
syllable_count: 795.6 705.55239521 113% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 3.0 4.96107784431 60% => OK
Article: 12.0 8.76447105788 137% => OK
Subordination: 1.0 2.70958083832 37% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 1.67365269461 60% => OK
Preposition: 6.0 4.22255489022 142% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 21.0 19.7664670659 106% => OK
Sentence length: 25.0 22.8473053892 109% => OK
Sentence length SD: 68.7345282529 57.8364921388 119% => OK
Chars per sentence: 122.571428571 119.503703932 103% => OK
Words per sentence: 25.5238095238 23.324526521 109% => OK
Discourse Markers: 7.7619047619 5.70786347227 136% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 3.0 5.25449101796 57% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 2.0 8.20758483034 24% => More positive sentences wanted.
Sentences with negative sentiment : 7.0 6.88822355289 102% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 12.0 4.67664670659 257% => Less facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.158382467312 0.218282227539 73% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0553864150351 0.0743258471296 75% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0488202013858 0.0701772020484 70% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0807001222576 0.128457276422 63% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0610732965333 0.0628817314937 97% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 13.9 14.3799401198 97% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 54.56 48.3550499002 113% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.9 12.197005988 98% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 10.86 12.5979740519 86% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.5 8.32208582834 102% => OK
difficult_words: 123.0 98.500998004 125% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 11.5 12.3882235529 93% => OK
gunning_fog: 12.0 11.1389221557 108% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 11.9071856287 101% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 58.33 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.5 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.