We recommend that Monarch Books open a café in its store. Monarch, having been in business at the same location for more than twenty years, has a large customer base because it is known for its wide selection of books on all subjects. Clearly, opening the café would attract more customers. Space could be made for the café by discontinuing the children's book section, which will probably become less popular given that the most recent national census indicated a significant decline in the percentage of the population under age ten. Opening a café will allow Monarch to attract more customers and better compete with Regal Books, which recently opened its own café
The board of the monarch book store has drawn an optimistic conclusion that by opening the new cafe of its own franchise will bring out new customer and will increase that business, but fails to account noteworthy points which should be considered while opening the new shop.
Initially, thet have made a false comparision by comparing their popularity today from 2 decades back. They have made a good business back then but what is the probability that they would make same profit or more today. Maybe when they made profit their was no new store open nearby and in whole town their was only one book shop. What now is how many new cafes have been open in that area in 20 years. Moreover, they have also not provided the statistical data of their customer base. Although previous generation was keen to learn and read new books, New generation has been evolved in technical revolution, so they might read books online and will not visit the store. So it is clearly not possible that those customer base will help that was 20 years ago, thay might be not interested in cafes now. So it is totally based on new customer.
In addition, they have supposed that by removing the children books they can make space for the cake. By which mean this is possible. The costumers visiting the cafe will be generally youths or adults with their family. Also, what about the population of the area? What are the age ratios of children and adults in that area. It makes great influence. Many people are also fond of the comic books and love to read them. If they find out there is no books that can make them feel relax, thay will be not satisfied. Also, the area of the shop is not provided. If it is small then by removing the children section will not make any difference.
The main point which is not taken into consideration is that to establish a cafe the sufficient amount of kitchen is needed to make food. And cost of making food, providing salaries to the new workers, servers in cafe. This points are not taken into consideration from which preofit could decreade instead of increasing.
The false comparision is also done between the monarch book shop and the newly opened Regal books. the opening of the cafe is done with the book shop which is not supported. The data is not provided wheather regal books has a cafe of its or only book shop. Is it the only shop in the particular area or their are many other shops also.
Finally, by considering the above points the claim made by the board is not acceptable. To bolster the claim board should provide all the data which are missing and and clear all the doubts which are arising.
Comments
Essay evaluation report
Sentence: Initially, thet have made a false comparision by comparing their popularity today from 2 decades back.
Error: comparision Suggestion: comparison
Error: thet Suggestion: No alternate word
Sentence: So it is clearly not possible that those customer base will help that was 20 years ago, thay might be not interested in cafes now.
Error: thay Suggestion: than
Sentence: If they find out there is no books that can make them feel relax, thay will be not satisfied.
Error: thay Suggestion: than
Sentence: This points are not taken into consideration from which preofit could decreade instead of increasing.
Error: decreade Suggestion: decrease
Error: preofit Suggestion: profit
Sentence: The false comparision is also done between the monarch book shop and the newly opened Regal books. the opening of the cafe is done with the book shop which is not supported.
Error: comparision Suggestion: comparison
Sentence: The data is not provided wheather regal books has a cafe of its or only book shop.
Error: wheather Suggestion: whether
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flaws:
The arguments are on the wrong track. read the outlines here:
https://www.testbig.com/story/gre-argument-essay-topic-7-outline
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: ? out of 6
Category: Poor Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 8 2
No. of Sentences: 27 15
No. of Words: 475 350
No. of Characters: 2110 1500
No. of Different Words: 215 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.668 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.442 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.219 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 101 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 81 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 59 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 33 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 17.593 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.858 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.556 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.26 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.456 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.077 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 710, Rule ID: THIS_NNS[2]
Message: Did you mean 'this customer' or 'those customers'?
Suggestion: this customer; those customers
...ore. So it is clearly not possible that those customer base will help that was 20 years ago, t...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 440, Rule ID: THERE_S_MANY[4]
Message: Did you mean 'there are no books'?
Suggestion: there are no books
...and love to read them. If they find out there is no books that can make them feel relax, thay wil...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 561, Rule ID: SENTENCE_FRAGMENT[1]
Message: “If” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
..., the area of the shop is not provided. If it is small then by removing the childr...
^^
Line 9, column 102, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: The
... shop and the newly opened Regal books. the opening of the cafe is done with the bo...
^^^
Line 9, column 274, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...of its or only book shop. Is it the only shop in the particular area or their are...
^^
Line 9, column 307, Rule ID: THEIR_IS[1]
Message: Did you mean 'there'?
Suggestion: there
...he only shop in the particular area or their are many other shops also. Finally,...
^^^^^
Line 9, column 334, Rule ID: ALSO_SENT_END[1]
Message: 'Also' is not used at the end of the sentence. Use 'as well' instead.
Suggestion: as well
...ular area or their are many other shops also. Finally, by considering the above ...
^^^^
Line 10, column 164, Rule ID: ENGLISH_WORD_REPEAT_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a word
Suggestion: and
... provide all the data which are missing and and clear all the doubts which are arising....
^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, finally, if, may, moreover, so, then, while, in addition
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 33.0 19.6327345309 168% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 15.0 12.9520958084 116% => OK
Conjunction : 16.0 11.1786427146 143% => OK
Relative clauses : 18.0 13.6137724551 132% => OK
Pronoun: 36.0 28.8173652695 125% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 51.0 55.5748502994 92% => OK
Nominalization: 10.0 16.3942115768 61% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2182.0 2260.96107784 97% => OK
No of words: 475.0 441.139720559 108% => OK
Chars per words: 4.59368421053 5.12650576532 90% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.66845742379 4.56307096286 102% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.29707654744 2.78398813304 83% => OK
Unique words: 220.0 204.123752495 108% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.463157894737 0.468620217663 99% => OK
syllable_count: 672.3 705.55239521 95% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.4 1.59920159681 88% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 5.0 4.96107784431 101% => OK
Article: 7.0 8.76447105788 80% => OK
Subordination: 3.0 2.70958083832 111% => OK
Conjunction: 2.0 1.67365269461 119% => OK
Preposition: 4.0 4.22255489022 95% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 28.0 19.7664670659 142% => OK
Sentence length: 16.0 22.8473053892 70% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 48.6958883358 57.8364921388 84% => OK
Chars per sentence: 77.9285714286 119.503703932 65% => OK
Words per sentence: 16.9642857143 23.324526521 73% => OK
Discourse Markers: 2.39285714286 5.70786347227 42% => More transition words/phrases wanted.
Paragraphs: 6.0 5.15768463074 116% => OK
Language errors: 8.0 5.25449101796 152% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 7.0 8.20758483034 85% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 5.0 6.88822355289 73% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 16.0 4.67664670659 342% => Less facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.185295404423 0.218282227539 85% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0478888528002 0.0743258471296 64% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0536787147695 0.0701772020484 76% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0915338761635 0.128457276422 71% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.064121171248 0.0628817314937 102% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 8.7 14.3799401198 61% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 72.16 48.3550499002 149% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 7.2 12.197005988 59% => Flesch kincaid grade is low.
coleman_liau_index: 9.05 12.5979740519 72% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.19 8.32208582834 86% => OK
difficult_words: 83.0 98.500998004 84% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 14.5 12.3882235529 117% => OK
gunning_fog: 8.4 11.1389221557 75% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 11.9071856287 76% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.