Claim: Even though young people often receive the advice to “follow your dreams,” more emphasis should be placed on picking worthy goals.
Reason: Many people’s dreams are inherently selfish.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim AND the reason on which that claim is based.
The author of this issue states that young people should be told to follow realistic, likely goals rather than follow their own selfish visions for what they want to accomplish. Although I agree that goals can often be self-centered, I don't see the harm in focusing on oneself. That is how we ultimately create the morals, values and lifestyle that we live by. By contrast, I largely disagree that young people should be focused on picking worthy goals. Allowing young people to follow their dreams allows them to be innovative and leads to some of the most interesting and successful products and ideas today. By forcing them to focus on realistic, worthy goals, we are cutting off our own society's ability to grow and continue to learn from the ideation of the young, without which our community will stagnate and be left behind. Having said that I think "following their dreams" can be modified "to helping them follow their dreams by setting realistic goals".
I would like to first address why the reasoning makes sense and is perfectly okay to have. Many would argue that it's important to think about the community first, however in goal setting it's more important that you are accomplishing what you want, in turn living a happy live with the values and ideals you want. And in fact, a lot of times, these selfish dreams allow for the building of such ubiquitous ideas in our society. Take the example of YouTube - a "selfish" community where people had a dream of sharing some knowledge or some talent to the rest of the world. If hundreds of people didn't have the dream to spread their wisdom, YouTube wouldn't exist and we wouldn't be able to teach ourselves something in such a short amount of time or gain inspiration from creatives so quickly. Additionally, the average human being wouldn't have the ability to create an impact on society; that would be left to the most elite of our community. We can also see this in the fitness community, where thousands of female fitness gurus started with the selfish goal of losing weight and looking good in the clothing they wear to then building this community and brand around themselves, helping other women also lose weight and feel accomplished. Although the dream may look selfish at first glance, you just never really know what ulterior problems could be solved through these young people.
There are so many lifestyles a person can live now that if we hinder these dreams, in fact our society will further fall into the trap of having young people with different medical diseases, depression, and increased stress. In this day and age, where there are so many different career paths and we have seen success in so many different forms, it's okay to not push young people into a certain direction or career path. It's okay to embrace this sense of newness and be vulnerable to change.
Having said that, the one problem I see with this claim is the loftiness or having no sense of direction. For this reason, I think the claim can be slightly different in that it should be "follow your dreams, but with heed". What I mean by this is we should both allow young people the freedom to think and follow the dreams they want, but we should also instill in them values to be able to set realistic goals and be adaptable to failure, which will indefinitely happen on the path of a new venture. This could mean helping a young person train daily for a certain sport or have a course on leadership in the classroom where they learn from speakers who were able to pick themselves up after failure. Overall, we shouldn't hinder the dreams of young people, but in fact we should encourage them and find strategies and techniques to make these ventures more successful. This not only a benefit for the selfish needs of an individual but also may contribute to society in some way as it has in the past.
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 200, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...ant to accomplish. Although I agree that goals can often be self-centered, I dont...
^^
Line 1, column 238, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: don't
...at goals can often be self-centered, I dont see the harm in focusing on oneself. Th...
^^^^
Line 1, column 543, Rule ID: SOME_OF_THE[1]
Message: Simply use 'some'.
Suggestion: some
...lows them to be innovative and leads to some of the most interesting and successful product...
^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 196, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
... first, however in goal setting its more important that you are accomplishing wha...
^^
Line 3, column 458, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...r society. Take the example of YouTube - a 'selfish' community where pe...
^^
Line 3, column 460, Rule ID: EN_A_VS_AN
Message: Use 'an' instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
Suggestion: an
...society. Take the example of YouTube - a 'selfish' community where peo...
^
Line 3, column 606, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: didn't
...est of the world. If hundreds of people didnt have the dream to spread their wisdom, ...
^^^^^
Line 3, column 659, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: wouldn't
...e dream to spread their wisdom, YouTube wouldnt exist and we wouldnt be able to teach o...
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Line 3, column 680, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: wouldn't
...ir wisdom, YouTube wouldnt exist and we wouldnt be able to teach ourselves something in...
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Line 3, column 841, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: wouldn't
.... Additionally, the average human being wouldnt have the ability to create an impact on...
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Line 5, column 266, Rule ID: NUMEROUS_DIFFERENT[1]
Message: Use simply 'many'.
Suggestion: many
...In this day and age, where there are so many different career paths and we have seen success i...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 325, Rule ID: NUMEROUS_DIFFERENT[1]
Message: Use simply 'many'.
Suggestion: many
...er paths and we have seen success in so many different forms, its okay to not push young peopl...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 347, Rule ID: IT_IS[8]
Message: Did you mean 'it's' (='it is') instead of 'its' (possessive pronoun)?
Suggestion: it's; it is
...een success in so many different forms, its okay to not push young people into a ce...
^^^
Line 5, column 422, Rule ID: IT_IS[8]
Message: Did you mean 'it's' (='it is') instead of 'its' (possessive pronoun)?
Suggestion: It's; It is
...nto a certain direction or career path. Its okay to embrace this sense of newness a...
^^^
Line 7, column 726, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: shouldn't
...hemselves up after failure. Overall, we shouldnt hinder the dreams of young people, but ...
^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, however, if, look, may, really, so, still, then, as to, i mean, i think, in fact
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 24.0 19.5258426966 123% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 21.0 12.4196629213 169% => OK
Conjunction : 30.0 14.8657303371 202% => Less conjunction wanted
Relative clauses : 19.0 11.3162921348 168% => OK
Pronoun: 79.0 33.0505617978 239% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 96.0 58.6224719101 164% => OK
Nominalization: 4.0 12.9106741573 31% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 3219.0 2235.4752809 144% => OK
No of words: 677.0 442.535393258 153% => Less content wanted.
Chars per words: 4.75480059084 5.05705443957 94% => OK
Fourth root words length: 5.10090420048 4.55969084622 112% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.54331392378 2.79657885939 91% => OK
Unique words: 317.0 215.323595506 147% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.468242245199 0.4932671777 95% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 968.4 704.065955056 138% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.4 1.59117977528 88% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 15.0 6.24550561798 240% => Less pronouns wanted as sentence beginning.
Article: 4.0 4.99550561798 80% => OK
Subordination: 3.0 3.10617977528 97% => OK
Conjunction: 5.0 1.77640449438 281% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 7.0 4.38483146067 160% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 24.0 20.2370786517 119% => OK
Sentence length: 28.0 23.0359550562 122% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively long.
Sentence length SD: 59.5357035736 60.3974514979 99% => OK
Chars per sentence: 134.125 118.986275619 113% => OK
Words per sentence: 28.2083333333 23.4991977007 120% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.08333333333 5.21951772744 78% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.97078651685 80% => OK
Language errors: 15.0 7.80617977528 192% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 19.0 10.2758426966 185% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 4.0 5.13820224719 78% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 1.0 4.83258426966 21% => More facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.294259266989 0.243740707755 121% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0892967358156 0.0831039109588 107% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0808925931747 0.0758088955206 107% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.189812294735 0.150359130593 126% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0762201747129 0.0667264976115 114% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 15.0 14.1392134831 106% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 59.98 48.8420337079 123% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.92365168539 111% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.8 12.1743820225 97% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 10.57 12.1639044944 87% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.89 8.38706741573 94% => OK
difficult_words: 123.0 100.480337079 122% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 11.0 11.8971910112 92% => OK
gunning_fog: 13.2 11.2143820225 118% => OK
text_standard: 11.0 11.7820224719 93% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Write the essay in 30 minutes.
Better to have 5/6 paragraphs with 3/4 arguments. And try always support/against one side but compare two sides, like this:
para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1. address both of the views presented for reason 1
para 3: reason 2. address both of the views presented for reason 2
para 4: reason 3. address both of the views presented for reason 3
para 5: reason 4. address both of the views presented for reason 4 (optional)
para 6: conclusion.
Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.