The primary goal of technological advancement should be to increase people's efficiency so that they have more leisure time.
The issue statement suggests that the main purpose of technological advancements should be to increase people's efficiency so that they have more time for leisure. I do not agree with this statement because in my opinion, though the primary goal of technology has indeed always been to enhance man’s efficiency, it has never been to provide him with more idle time. The more we are progressing in technology, the more we are becoming efficient with all the daily life chores. But it may be just one of the by-products of this progress that we supposedly have more time at our disposal. The mundane and time taking tasks like shopping and bill payments can now be done from the comforts of home. We no longer need to go to the bank for opening a Recurring Deposit account or transfer money. We do not need to go to the Electricity department to pay our bills; we do not even have to go to the mall to buy that forgotten packet of biscuits.
The time we save from all of these activities may give us more opportunities to relax for a while, but never can we think that all of the technology was developed so we could catch that episode of our favorite TV series. It is said that most technological inventions have been made keeping the needs of our defense forces in mind, it was later that they found application in our day-to-day lives. Important inventions like GPS, drones, night vision goggles were not invented for efficient home delivery of goods; they were invented to better assist our military. Computers, which today take up most of our free time, were developed for the US military during World War two. Scientists do research all the time, with all the technology that is around them, they do not find more leisure time; in fact they use it to further our development.
Quite ironically, more often than not, it is the technology that ends up taking up most of our time. People tend to stay engrossed in social networking sites a little too much; they spend more time shopping online, because everything has become easier now. Further, the more the people surround themselves with technology, the lazier they tend to be. The US, for example, has the highest number of obese children, one of the reasons behind which is the increased time spent in playing video games and watching TV. With all the time the people get, they don't usually utilize it, but contribute in making a society that is lazy. Such people would impede the progress of their society. Thus, increased leisure time, as a consequence or purpose of technology is not a very desirable option.
To conclude, it can be said that technology indeed may provide people with more time, but that is not its cardinal aim.
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 128, Rule ID: ALL_OF_THE[1]
Message: Simply use 'all the'.
Suggestion: all the
...or a while, but never can we think that all of the technology was developed so we could ca...
^^^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 554, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: don't
... With all the time the people get, they dont usually utilize it, but contribute in m...
^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
but, if, may, so, thus, while, for example, in fact, in my opinion
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 22.0 19.5258426966 113% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 11.0 12.4196629213 89% => OK
Conjunction : 9.0 14.8657303371 61% => OK
Relative clauses : 15.0 11.3162921348 133% => OK
Pronoun: 60.0 33.0505617978 182% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 62.0 58.6224719101 106% => OK
Nominalization: 7.0 12.9106741573 54% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2230.0 2235.4752809 100% => OK
No of words: 474.0 442.535393258 107% => OK
Chars per words: 4.70464135021 5.05705443957 93% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.66599839874 4.55969084622 102% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.56804701966 2.79657885939 92% => OK
Unique words: 242.0 215.323595506 112% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.510548523207 0.4932671777 104% => OK
syllable_count: 713.7 704.065955056 101% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59117977528 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 13.0 6.24550561798 208% => Less pronouns wanted as sentence beginning.
Article: 8.0 4.99550561798 160% => OK
Subordination: 3.0 3.10617977528 97% => OK
Conjunction: 4.0 1.77640449438 225% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 4.0 4.38483146067 91% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 20.0 20.2370786517 99% => OK
Sentence length: 23.0 23.0359550562 100% => OK
Sentence length SD: 40.7633413743 60.3974514979 67% => OK
Chars per sentence: 111.5 118.986275619 94% => OK
Words per sentence: 23.7 23.4991977007 101% => OK
Discourse Markers: 3.3 5.21951772744 63% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.97078651685 80% => OK
Language errors: 2.0 7.80617977528 26% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 11.0 10.2758426966 107% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 6.0 5.13820224719 117% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 3.0 4.83258426966 62% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.409973661695 0.243740707755 168% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.124841028177 0.0831039109588 150% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.109418010424 0.0758088955206 144% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.249609215432 0.150359130593 166% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0705272726627 0.0667264976115 106% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 12.6 14.1392134831 89% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 56.59 48.8420337079 116% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.92365168539 111% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.1 12.1743820225 91% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 10.28 12.1639044944 85% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.08 8.38706741573 96% => OK
difficult_words: 99.0 100.480337079 99% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 14.5 11.8971910112 122% => OK
gunning_fog: 11.2 11.2143820225 100% => OK
text_standard: 11.0 11.7820224719 93% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Better to have 5/6 paragraphs with 3/4 arguments. And try always support/against one side but compare two sides, like this:
para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1. address both of the views presented for reason 1
para 3: reason 2. address both of the views presented for reason 2
para 4: reason 3. address both of the views presented for reason 3
para 5: reason 4. address both of the views presented for reason 4 (optional)
para 6: conclusion.
Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.