Some parents offer their school age children money for each high grade mark they get in school Do you think this is a good idea | TOEFL IELTS GMAT GRE SAT ACT PTE ESL

Essay topics:

Some parents offer their school-age children money for each high grade (mark) they get in school.
Do you think this is a good idea?

It stands to reason that education is one of the essential needs of people in a society, so parents have significantly important role in this area. In this regard, some contention arises as to in which approach is better for parents to encourage their children to study. One common view is that some parents suggest their school-age children money for their high marks getting in school. I concur with it, and in what follows, I will present and elaborate on two reasons to substantiate my point of view.
The first point which deserves some words here is that it can motivate young adults to learn thier lesson deeply. When children know that their works and results reach a great reward, so they enthusiasticly study and become knowledgeable persons. Furthermore, they will save these money to conduct other activities that they really want to do, so it can help them become more active and energetic person in their life. To illustrate more, consider a boy who is not very active in school and his parents are worried about his situation. One day, his parents decide to give money as a prize to him for each great grade obtaing in school. After a whike, this boy shows a remarkable change and become a very briliant student in school. In fact, he was really interested in his learning and become energetic to acquire knowledge. Furthermore, he save his money to buy some useful scientific books that help him in other fields.
The second reason that should be mentioned here is that it can boost children's self-confidence. When parents consider some money for their children's each excelent point in school, children will respect themselves and study to become successful in their learnings, so it leads to a great accomplishment for them in their lifetime, which bring about a surprisingly great confidence. Besides, these children have a great value for these prize, because they try hard to obtain it.To explane more, when a girl recieve a considerable amount of money for each great grade from her parents, she intensely study to obtain success and it can bring about to a great increase in her self-confidence. In addition, she know it is really worthwhile to study hard and earn money.
In conclusion, if parents give some money to their children for every great mark, they become very avid to their studies. Moreover, their self-confidence surprisingly boost. It is highly recommended that schools consider some useful policies to encourage students to study more.

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Independent TOEFL Writing

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Essay evaluations by e-grader

Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 2, column 275, Rule ID: THIS_NNS[2]
Message: Did you mean 'this money' or 'these moneys', 'these monies'?
Suggestion: this money; these moneys; these monies
...le persons. Furthermore, they will save these money to conduct other activities that they r...
^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 2, column 841, Rule ID: HE_VERB_AGR[1]
Message: The pronoun 'he' must be used with a third-person verb: 'saves'.
Suggestion: saves
...c to acquire knowledge. Furthermore, he save his money to buy some useful scientific...
^^^^
Line 3, column 477, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: To
...ize, because they try hard to obtain it.To explane more, when a girl recieve a con...
^^
Line 3, column 598, Rule ID: HE_VERB_AGR[3]
Message: The pronoun 'she' must be used with a third-person verb: 'studies'.
Suggestion: studies
...t grade from her parents, she intensely study to obtain success and it can bring abou...
^^^^^
Line 3, column 706, Rule ID: HE_VERB_AGR[1]
Message: The pronoun 'she' must be used with a third-person verb: 'knows'.
Suggestion: knows
...n her self-confidence. In addition, she know it is really worthwhile to study hard a...
^^^^

Transition Words or Phrases used:
besides, first, furthermore, if, moreover, really, second, so, thus, while, as to, in addition, in conclusion, in fact

Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments

Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 11.0 15.1003584229 73% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 8.0 9.8082437276 82% => OK
Conjunction : 11.0 13.8261648746 80% => OK
Relative clauses : 16.0 11.0286738351 145% => OK
Pronoun: 60.0 43.0788530466 139% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 54.0 52.1666666667 104% => OK
Nominalization: 9.0 8.0752688172 111% => OK

Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2063.0 1977.66487455 104% => OK
No of words: 416.0 407.700716846 102% => OK
Chars per words: 4.95913461538 4.8611393121 102% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.51620172871 4.48103885553 101% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.75152824501 2.67179642975 103% => OK
Unique words: 202.0 212.727598566 95% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.485576923077 0.524837075471 93% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 632.7 618.680645161 102% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.51630824373 99% => OK

A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 14.0 9.59856630824 146% => OK
Article: 2.0 3.08781362007 65% => OK
Subordination: 6.0 3.51792114695 171% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 1.86738351254 54% => OK
Preposition: 7.0 4.94265232975 142% => OK

Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 19.0 20.6003584229 92% => OK
Sentence length: 21.0 20.1344086022 104% => OK
Sentence length SD: 62.2207222921 48.9658058833 127% => OK
Chars per sentence: 108.578947368 100.406767564 108% => OK
Words per sentence: 21.8947368421 20.6045352989 106% => OK
Discourse Markers: 6.21052631579 5.45110844103 114% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.53405017921 88% => OK
Language errors: 5.0 5.5376344086 90% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 16.0 11.8709677419 135% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 1.0 3.85842293907 26% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 2.0 4.88709677419 41% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?

Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.387760346194 0.236089414692 164% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.123975460894 0.076458572812 162% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.123210153135 0.0737576698707 167% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.268118923503 0.150856017488 178% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0582075409078 0.0645574589148 90% => OK

Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 12.9 11.7677419355 110% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 58.62 58.1214874552 101% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 6.10430107527 144% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 10.3 10.1575268817 101% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.49 10.9000537634 105% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.79 8.01818996416 97% => OK
difficult_words: 82.0 86.8835125448 94% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 10.5 10.002688172 105% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.4 10.0537634409 103% => OK
text_standard: 11.0 10.247311828 107% => OK
What are above readability scores?

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Better to have 5 paragraphs with 3 arguments. And try always support/against one side but compare two sides, like this:

para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1. address both of the views presented for reason 1
para 3: reason 2. address both of the views presented for reason 2
para 4: reason 3. address both of the views presented for reason 3
para 5: conclusion.

So how to find out those reasons. There is a formula:

reasons == advantages or

reasons == disadvantages

for example, we can always apply 'save time', 'save/make money', 'find a job', 'make friends', 'get more information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.

or we can apply 'waste time', 'waste money', 'no job', 'make bad friends', 'get bad information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.

Rates: 70.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 21.0 Out of 30
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.