TPO 40 Some parents offer their school age children money for each high grade mark they get in school Do you think this is a good idea Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer

Essay topics:

TPO 40
Some parents offer their school-age children money for each high grade (mark) they get in school. Do you think this is a good idea?
Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Many parents are seeking a way to make their children study hard. I admit that there are many opinions about this; however, parents should not offer their children money for their grades. I feel this way for two reasons, which I will explain in the following essay.

To begin with, what really motivates students to learn is not money but their interests. Many students have their own interests or curiosities. This intrinsic motivation is essential for keeping to learn. It is not easy for parents to find what really interests their children, but I can say that offering money cannot cultivate their curiosities. My personal experience is a compelling example of this. When I was a high school student, I was struggling to get a better grade at school. Actually, I could not feel interested in what was taught at school. My parents suggested that they pay me money according to my grade in school, but this could not improve my grades. However, I happened to watch a scientific fiction movie, and I found it very interesting. After I saw the movie, I became interested in physics. As a result, I started to study physics hard, and I could get the best grade at school, although my parents did not offer any money. Through this experience, I learned that the best way to motivate students to study is by stimulating their curiosities.

Next, parents have to increase the amount of money to keep on stimulating the motivation. As I mentioned earlier, motivation for studying should be intrinsic. Even if parents succeed in making their children study diligently once, this motivation will not last long. Besides, they have to increase the rewards because their children will not be satisfied with the money. For example, when one of my friends, Ken, was an elementary school student, his parents gave him money when he got a better grade. He studied hard to buy what he wanted, and he finally could get the top grade in the class. However, his parents could not increase the rewards because their income was not so high. Consequently, he was disappointed and stopped studying hard.

In conclusion, I strongly feel that parents should not reward their children's grades in school by giving money. This is because money cannot be the best motivation for studying, and parents have to continue to increase their rewards.

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Average: 6 (1 vote)
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Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 188, Rule ID: ADMIT_ENJOY_VB[1]
Message: This verb is used with the gerund form: 'keeping learning'.
Suggestion: keeping learning
...s intrinsic motivation is essential for keeping to learn. It is not easy for parents to find wha...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Transition Words or Phrases used:
actually, besides, but, consequently, finally, however, if, really, so, for example, i feel, in conclusion, as a result, to begin with

Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments

Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 17.0 15.1003584229 113% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 14.0 9.8082437276 143% => OK
Conjunction : 9.0 13.8261648746 65% => OK
Relative clauses : 9.0 11.0286738351 82% => OK
Pronoun: 61.0 43.0788530466 142% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 39.0 52.1666666667 75% => OK
Nominalization: 8.0 8.0752688172 99% => OK

Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1931.0 1977.66487455 98% => OK
No of words: 395.0 407.700716846 97% => OK
Chars per words: 4.88860759494 4.8611393121 101% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.45809453852 4.48103885553 99% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.66247280107 2.67179642975 100% => OK
Unique words: 182.0 212.727598566 86% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.460759493671 0.524837075471 88% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 576.9 618.680645161 93% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.51630824373 99% => OK

A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 20.0 9.59856630824 208% => Less pronouns wanted as sentence beginning.
Article: 0.0 3.08781362007 0% => OK
Subordination: 7.0 3.51792114695 199% => OK
Conjunction: 6.0 1.86738351254 321% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 4.0 4.94265232975 81% => OK

Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 25.0 20.6003584229 121% => OK
Sentence length: 15.0 20.1344086022 74% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 26.6279251914 48.9658058833 54% => The essay contains lots of sentences with the similar length. More sentence varieties wanted.
Chars per sentence: 77.24 100.406767564 77% => OK
Words per sentence: 15.8 20.6045352989 77% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.36 5.45110844103 98% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.53405017921 88% => OK
Language errors: 1.0 5.5376344086 18% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 18.0 11.8709677419 152% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 6.0 3.85842293907 156% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 1.0 4.88709677419 20% => More facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?

Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.290222741708 0.236089414692 123% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0926292219823 0.076458572812 121% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.063087414947 0.0737576698707 86% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.211048263754 0.150856017488 140% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.032476437031 0.0645574589148 50% => OK

Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 9.5 11.7677419355 81% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 64.71 58.1214874552 111% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 6.10430107527 51% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 8.0 10.1575268817 79% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 10.79 10.9000537634 99% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.18 8.01818996416 90% => OK
difficult_words: 70.0 86.8835125448 81% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 6.5 10.002688172 65% => OK
gunning_fog: 8.0 10.0537634409 80% => OK
text_standard: 8.0 10.247311828 78% => OK
What are above readability scores?

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Better to have 5 paragraphs with 3 arguments. And try always support/against one side but compare two sides, like this:

para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1. address both of the views presented for reason 1
para 3: reason 2. address both of the views presented for reason 2
para 4: reason 3. address both of the views presented for reason 3
para 5: conclusion.

So how to find out those reasons. There is a formula:

reasons == advantages or

reasons == disadvantages

for example, we can always apply 'save time', 'save/make money', 'find a job', 'make friends', 'get more information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.

or we can apply 'waste time', 'waste money', 'no job', 'make bad friends', 'get bad information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.


Rates: 60.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 18.0 Out of 30
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.