TPO 40 - Some parents offer their school-age children money for each high grade (mark) they get in school.Do you think this is a good idea?Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
Since the dawn of humanity, human being have been engaged in a great struggle to find a suitable way for improving their children's education. In the contemporary world, however, there is a heated controversy as to whether parents should offer their school-age children money for each high grade they get in school or the parents should not do so. As far as I am concerned, according to reality, the advantages of giving money to children for their achievements substantially outweigh those of paying no attention to their achievement. To be more specific, I will explain my reasons and notions with a few numbers of examples including personal experiences in this matter in the following statement.
The first reason coming to mind to substantiate my standpoint is concerned with the issue that no one can deny the vast effects of giving privileges like money on every children's life. To clarify this concept, by doing this, not only the creativity of children increases but also it results in the children's encouragement. when a child knows that there would be something like a gift if she/he fulfill her/his works, it causes encouragement to be more serious and creative for doing that because she/he wants to carry out her/his responsibilities in the best way that is possible. take a personal experience as an example, when I was a child, I did not study as much as required for my examinations. Then, my father told me that he would buy a bicycle for me if I pass all of the examinations successfully, and it persuaded me to study more. taking into account what was already mentioned, it is highly recommended to offer something special to children for encouraging them to do something.
Furthermore, another equally noteworthy point corroborating my stance is that the parents by suggesting offer to their children cause them to be more ready for their future, and the conditions that may occur. Regarding this importance, it is crystal clear that in every society or community, there is always a privilege for the people who are more prosperous or creative. Hence, if we try to put the children in the similar situation of their future by simulating the community facts, they will be much more interpreted of their circumstances in the future. For instance, when I was a child, once my father took me with himself to his work place just for giving me an essential view of the world because there was an event that my father was supposed to be appreciated due to his activities. After that day, I understood that if I gain accomplishment, I will be appreciated, too. In conclusion, considering the mentioned point and examples, nowadays, the parents should get children aware about their future by proposing them money or something like that for the achievements.
To sum up, based on the all argumentations stated above, one can logically draw the consequence that parents by offering money or relative privileges to their children, would make them to be more creative, and encourage them to be the best in their life. also, parents by suggesting offer to their children can simulate their future conditions, and it causes them to be more ready for the future.
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 209, Rule ID: WHETHER[6]
Message: Can you shorten this phrase to just 'whether', or rephrase the sentence to avoid "as to"?
Suggestion: whether
... however, there is a heated controversy as to whether parents should offer their school-age c...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 28, Rule ID: ADMIT_ENJOY_VB[1]
Message: This verb is used with the gerund form: 'mind substantiating'.
Suggestion: mind substantiating
...tement. The first reason coming to mind to substantiate my standpoint is concerned with the iss...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 324, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: When
...results in the childrens encouragement. when a child knows that there would be somet...
^^^^
Line 5, column 395, Rule ID: HE_VERB_AGR[1]
Message: The pronoun 'he' must be used with a third-person verb: 'fulfills'.
Suggestion: fulfills
...ould be something like a gift if she/he fulfill her/his works, it causes encouragement ...
^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 582, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Take
...ities in the best way that is possible. take a personal experience as an example, wh...
^^^^
Line 5, column 770, Rule ID: ALL_OF_THE[1]
Message: Simply use 'all the'.
Suggestion: all the
...he would buy a bicycle for me if I pass all of the examinations successfully, and it persu...
^^^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 843, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Taking
...lly, and it persuaded me to study more. taking into account what was already mentioned...
^^^^^^
Line 5, column 904, Rule ID: ADMIT_ENJOY_VB[1]
Message: This verb is used with the gerund form: 'recommended offering'.
Suggestion: recommended offering
...hat was already mentioned, it is highly recommended to offer something special to children for encou...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 13, column 256, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Also
...rage them to be the best in their life. also, parents by suggesting offer to their c...
^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, furthermore, hence, however, if, may, regarding, so, then, as to, for instance, in conclusion, to sum up
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 25.0 15.1003584229 166% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 13.0 9.8082437276 133% => OK
Conjunction : 13.0 13.8261648746 94% => OK
Relative clauses : 17.0 11.0286738351 154% => OK
Pronoun: 79.0 43.0788530466 183% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 72.0 52.1666666667 138% => OK
Nominalization: 12.0 8.0752688172 149% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2647.0 1977.66487455 134% => OK
No of words: 536.0 407.700716846 131% => OK
Chars per words: 4.93843283582 4.8611393121 102% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.81161862636 4.48103885553 107% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.98633310692 2.67179642975 112% => OK
Unique words: 264.0 212.727598566 124% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.492537313433 0.524837075471 94% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 828.9 618.680645161 134% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.51630824373 99% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 9.0 9.59856630824 94% => OK
Article: 3.0 3.08781362007 97% => OK
Subordination: 7.0 3.51792114695 199% => OK
Conjunction: 4.0 1.86738351254 214% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 11.0 4.94265232975 223% => Less preposition wanted as sentence beginnings.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 18.0 20.6003584229 87% => OK
Sentence length: 29.0 20.1344086022 144% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively long.
Sentence length SD: 44.6707087723 48.9658058833 91% => OK
Chars per sentence: 147.055555556 100.406767564 146% => OK
Words per sentence: 29.7777777778 20.6045352989 145% => OK
Discourse Markers: 6.77777777778 5.45110844103 124% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.53405017921 88% => OK
Language errors: 9.0 5.5376344086 163% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 15.0 11.8709677419 126% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 0.0 3.85842293907 0% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 3.0 4.88709677419 61% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.251511161704 0.236089414692 107% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.091028453894 0.076458572812 119% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0859541743279 0.0737576698707 117% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.179338635447 0.150856017488 119% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0847753576669 0.0645574589148 131% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 16.7 11.7677419355 142% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 50.5 58.1214874552 87% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 6.10430107527 144% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 13.4 10.1575268817 132% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.96 10.9000537634 110% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.64 8.01818996416 108% => OK
difficult_words: 121.0 86.8835125448 139% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 14.5 10.002688172 145% => OK
gunning_fog: 13.6 10.0537634409 135% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 10.247311828 88% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Better to have 5 paragraphs with 3 arguments. And try always support/against one side but compare two sides, like this:
para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1. address both of the views presented for reason 1
para 3: reason 2. address both of the views presented for reason 2
para 4: reason 3. address both of the views presented for reason 3
para 5: conclusion.
So how to find out those reasons. There is a formula:
reasons == advantages or
reasons == disadvantages
for example, we can always apply 'save time', 'save/make money', 'find a job', 'make friends', 'get more information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.
or we can apply 'waste time', 'waste money', 'no job', 'make bad friends', 'get bad information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.
Rates: 73.3333333333 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 22.0 Out of 30
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.