Milk and dairy products are rich in vitamin D and calcium — substances essential for building and maintaining bones. Many people therefore say that a diet rich in dairy products can help prevent osteoporosis, a disease that is linked to both environmental and genetic factors and that causes the bones to weaken significantly with age. But a long-term study of a large number of people found that those who consistently consumed dairy products throughout the years of the study have a higher rate of bone fractures than any other participants in the study. Since bone fractures are symptomatic of osteoporosis, this study result shows that a diet rich in dairy products may actually increase, rather than decrease, the risk of osteoporosis.
The prompt suggests that, bone fractures are symptomatic and also the study shows that consumption of milk and milk products may actually increase the risk of osteoporosis rather than decrease it. It is because a long-term study of large number of people found that consumption of dairy product evidently increased the rate of bone fracture. However, before this prompt is properly evaluated some questions must be answered.
Firstly, the author states that dairy products only contain the Vitamin-D and calcium, which helps in the building and maintaining of bone, where as there are other essential nutrients as well in dairy products that helps in the formation and strengthen of bone. Also, author states that osteoporosis is either innate or environmental that it increases with the age. So, something that is bound to happen in future and associated with the age can rarely be prevented just by taking in the dairy products.
Secondly, the author presents us with a 'long-term' study. And, has not provided us the specific time line or the duration of the research. So, it is obscure information and reliability of research is itself questionable. In addition to that the author has not provided the full detail on the research conducted. As, is not clear that if the research was conducted specifically for finding solution for osteoporosis or the bone fracture from some other cause or due to osteoporosis. As, osteoporosis bone getting fragile whereas fracture is bone being broken.
Lastly, the study that is conducted has not provided itself with the proper information, as it included participants, which could be voluntary or either survey was conducted we do not know. We have no information on the details of the participants and the location of the participants. As, it could be that the survey was taken of the patient, who have just suffered bone injury and were regular consumer of the dairy product. It also could be that the data collected fortuitously consist of the people who have prior bone fracture experience.
In conclusion, the recommendation as it stands, has many flaws in it, due to its reliance on the unwarranted assumption. If author could provide us with additional information and answer our questions then its reliability can be evaluated.
Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.5 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 11 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 3 2
No. of Sentences: 18 15
No. of Words: 372 350
No. of Characters: 1862 1500
No. of Different Words: 176 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.392 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.005 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.866 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 134 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 102 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 85 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 52 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 20.667 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.537 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.778 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.314 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.314 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.148 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 1 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 2, column 141, Rule ID: WHERE_AS[1]
Message: Did you mean 'whereas'?
Suggestion: whereas
...n the building and maintaining of bone, where as there are other essential nutrients as ...
^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
actually, also, first, firstly, however, if, lastly, may, second, secondly, so, then, well, whereas, in addition, in conclusion
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 22.0 19.6327345309 112% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 8.0 12.9520958084 62% => OK
Conjunction : 15.0 11.1786427146 134% => OK
Relative clauses : 18.0 13.6137724551 132% => OK
Pronoun: 33.0 28.8173652695 115% => OK
Preposition: 37.0 55.5748502994 67% => OK
Nominalization: 15.0 16.3942115768 91% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1910.0 2260.96107784 84% => OK
No of words: 372.0 441.139720559 84% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.13440860215 5.12650576532 100% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.39173103935 4.56307096286 96% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.93280432275 2.78398813304 105% => OK
Unique words: 188.0 204.123752495 92% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.505376344086 0.468620217663 108% => OK
syllable_count: 597.6 705.55239521 85% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 5.0 4.96107784431 101% => OK
Article: 5.0 8.76447105788 57% => OK
Subordination: 3.0 2.70958083832 111% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 3.0 4.22255489022 71% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 18.0 19.7664670659 91% => OK
Sentence length: 20.0 22.8473053892 88% => OK
Sentence length SD: 50.720974793 57.8364921388 88% => OK
Chars per sentence: 106.111111111 119.503703932 89% => OK
Words per sentence: 20.6666666667 23.324526521 89% => OK
Discourse Markers: 7.05555555556 5.70786347227 124% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 1.0 5.25449101796 19% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 4.0 8.20758483034 49% => More positive sentences wanted.
Sentences with negative sentiment : 5.0 6.88822355289 73% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 9.0 4.67664670659 192% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.233790556351 0.218282227539 107% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0642323310533 0.0743258471296 86% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0848594272717 0.0701772020484 121% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.127001439035 0.128457276422 99% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.101359448842 0.0628817314937 161% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 13.1 14.3799401198 91% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 51.18 48.3550499002 106% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.1 12.197005988 91% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.47 12.5979740519 99% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.49 8.32208582834 102% => OK
difficult_words: 91.0 98.500998004 92% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 13.5 12.3882235529 109% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.0 11.1389221557 90% => OK
text_standard: 14.0 11.9071856287 118% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 75.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.5 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.