7 The following is a recommendation from the Board of Directors of Monarch Books.
"We recommend that Monarch Books open a café in its store. Monarch, having been in business at the same location for more than twenty years, has a large customer base because it is known for its wide selection of books on all subjects. Clearly, opening the café would attract more customers. Space could be made for the café by discontinuing the children's book section, which will probably become less popular given that the most recent national census indicated a significant decline in the percentage of the population under age ten. Opening a café will allow Monarch to attract more customers and better compete with Regal Books, which recently opened its own café."
The board of directors of Monarch Books recommended that in the store a cafe should be opened by discontinuing the children's books section. Because in their opinion the cafe will attract more customers and according to the most recent national consensus there is a significant decline in the percentage of the population under age ten. This recommandation of their's is flawed and based on several unwarranted assumptions.
First of all, the author suggests that the store has a loyal group of customers, but it does not clearly state the customers chracteristics properly. We do not know if the customers are adults, or teenagers, or children. We do not know anything about their preferences. Perhaps those customers who come to the stores comes strictly to by books, if this is true establishing a cafe would not be of any help to the store's profit.
Additionally, there is no guarantee that opening a cafe would attract more new customers. The store is popular and widely known as a book store, for instance if there is a popular cafe in the area, there is a very little possibility that people would not prefer a new one over the widely known, well reputed cafe.
In the recommendation, the board also suggest that they should make space for the cafe by discontinuing the childrens books section, because they think that it will become less popular. The made this assumption based on the most recent national census, which shows a significant decline in the percentage of the population under age ten. But Making this decision based on the national census would not be wise. The preferable data would be the populalation percantages of the city MOnarch Books is, or to be more precise, the information about the population of the are of the store would be more helpful. Decline of the population of population under age ten in the national census does not mean that there is also a decline in the city or the area, it is even possible that the population increased in that area, and there is a chance that the popularity of the children section would even increase. If that scenerio is true, they would be discontinuing their about to be popular section, to make a cafe which has no guarantee will be successful.
The board also mentions Regal books that recently opened a cafe, and to compete with that store they recommended to establish a cafe of their own, but they did not mention any useful information about that store, like what is it's location, what kinds of customers they have, literally nothing. Thinking that Both of this cafe are similar without any proper evidence would be an unwarranted assumption. Perhaps the area they are in, the customer they have prefers a cafe in the store. That does not mean that the customers of Monarch will also prefer a cafe, let alone attracting additional customers. We are provided with no information of both store's location, or their customers, or those customer's preferances.
In conclusion, I'd like to say that this decision, or recommendation of the board is very much flawed. The board of directors based their recommendation on quite a few unwarranted assumptions. They did not provide any evidence that could support, or even be used to evaluate their recommendation like the information about the population of their area, the characteristics of the store's customers, or information about the store they are trying to compete with. Without These evidences it is not possible to reach any decisions about the recommendation of establishing a cafe.
Comments
Essay evaluation report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 24 15
No. of Words: 594 350
No. of Characters: 2865 1500
No. of Different Words: 213 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.937 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.823 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.845 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 173 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 146 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 103 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 76 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 24.75 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 12.313 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.458 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.323 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.547 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.127 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 6 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 312, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'stores'' or 'store's'?
Suggestion: stores'; store's
...Perhaps those customers who come to the stores comes strictly to by books, if this is ...
^^^^^^
Line 7, column 288, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...uld not prefer a new one over the widely known, well reputed cafe. In the ...
^^
Line 11, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
... widely known, well reputed cafe. In the recommendation, the board also su...
^^
Line 11, column 565, Rule ID: A_INFINITVE[1]
Message: Probably a wrong construction: a/the + infinitive
...the information about the population of the are of the store would be more helpful. Dec...
^^^^^^^
Line 15, column 102, Rule ID: ADMIT_ENJOY_VB[1]
Message: This verb is used with the gerund form: 'recommended establishing'.
Suggestion: recommended establishing
...fe, and to compete with that store they recommended to establish a cafe of their own, but they did not m...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 15, column 455, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...area they are in, the customer they have prefers a cafe in the store. That does n...
^^
Line 19, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...s, or those customers preferances. In conclusion, Id like to say that this ...
^^
Line 19, column 18, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: I'd
...mers preferances. In conclusion, Id like to say that this decision, or reco...
^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, if, so, well, for instance, in conclusion, first of all
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 32.0 19.6327345309 163% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 16.0 12.9520958084 124% => OK
Conjunction : 17.0 11.1786427146 152% => OK
Relative clauses : 22.0 13.6137724551 162% => OK
Pronoun: 55.0 28.8173652695 191% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 80.0 55.5748502994 144% => OK
Nominalization: 31.0 16.3942115768 189% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2937.0 2260.96107784 130% => OK
No of words: 593.0 441.139720559 134% => OK
Chars per words: 4.95278246206 5.12650576532 97% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.93473315629 4.56307096286 108% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.91125015003 2.78398813304 105% => OK
Unique words: 221.0 204.123752495 108% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.372681281619 0.468620217663 80% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 936.9 705.55239521 133% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 8.0 4.96107784431 161% => OK
Article: 11.0 8.76447105788 126% => OK
Subordination: 4.0 2.70958083832 148% => OK
Conjunction: 13.0 1.67365269461 777% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 5.0 4.22255489022 118% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 24.0 19.7664670659 121% => OK
Sentence length: 24.0 22.8473053892 105% => OK
Sentence length SD: 68.6121218437 57.8364921388 119% => OK
Chars per sentence: 122.375 119.503703932 102% => OK
Words per sentence: 24.7083333333 23.324526521 106% => OK
Discourse Markers: 3.04166666667 5.70786347227 53% => More transition words/phrases wanted.
Paragraphs: 6.0 5.15768463074 116% => OK
Language errors: 8.0 5.25449101796 152% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 14.0 8.20758483034 171% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 4.0 6.88822355289 58% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 6.0 4.67664670659 128% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.184669575331 0.218282227539 85% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0658342826276 0.0743258471296 89% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0656404446839 0.0701772020484 94% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.117489559075 0.128457276422 91% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0508760265346 0.0628817314937 81% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 14.2 14.3799401198 99% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 47.12 48.3550499002 97% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 12.7 12.197005988 104% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.73 12.5979740519 93% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.6 8.32208582834 91% => OK
difficult_words: 104.0 98.500998004 106% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 11.5 12.3882235529 93% => OK
gunning_fog: 11.6 11.1389221557 104% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 11.9071856287 101% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.