The birthrate in our city is declining: in fact, last year's birthrate was only one-half that of five years ago. Thus the number of students enrolled in our public schools will soon decrease dramatically, and we can safely reduce the funds budgeted for education during the next decade. At the same time, we can reduce funding for athletic playing fields and other recreational facilities. As a result, we will have sufficient money to fund city facilities and programs used primarily by adults, since we can expect the adult population of the city to increase.
In the above recommendation letter of a ten-year budget plan for the city of Calatrava, the author suggests significant decrease in budget allotted for education and proposes increase in funds dedicated to activities for adults. To strengthen his arguments, the author states the decline in birthrate in the city in last 5 years, which will require reduction in budget allotted to education. This argument contains many logical flaws and thus, becomes irrelevant as it stands.
Firstly, the author has not specified the exact birthrate 5 years ago in the city. So, birthrate in the city at present is not known for certain. It is possible that birthrate 5 years ago was very less that its decline currently is not that significant. In this case, the committee will have to sanction same budget for education in upcoming then years. It is also a possibility that this year birthrate might have increased as compared to last year.
Secondly, the author assumes that the number of students enrolled in school in coming 5 years will decrease as a result of decline in birthrate. This assertion is again based on mere predictions. The planning committee has not thought about number of other possibilities which might not lead to decrease in enrollments. It is a plausible situation that more kids get enrolled to school in the city as many families migrate to the city for better job opportunities. Enrollments might also increase or stay the same because of not a significant decline in birthrate in the city as mentioned earlier.
Thirdly, the committee suggests reduction in funds of athletic and recreational activities due to decline in enrollments. But they have ignored the possibility that more students than before might be interested in sports and extra co-curricular activities. In this condition, the city will only cause more dissatisfaction among the denizens regarding the facilities for kids. Finally, the author proposes to use the extra funds on developments and activities for adults. This proposition is mostly based on predilection for better services for the elderly. Instead of diverting the unused funds, the city council can peruse them for ameliorating existing educational and athletic services in case there is an actual decrease in enrollments in schools.
In conclusion, to render his arguments more concrete and apply the desired changes in budget allocation, the author must put forward credible judgments. To instigate required changes the committee must give detailed data on the decline in birthrate, requirement of better services for adults and actual decrease in need of funds for athletic and recreational facilities. Hence, by giving relevant data and information on the matter only can the committee convince decrease in funds for education.
| Post date | Users | Rates | Link to Content |
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Comments
Essay evaluation report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 22 15
No. of Words: 444 350
No. of Characters: 2293 1500
No. of Different Words: 196 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.59 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.164 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.895 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 176 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 140 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 112 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 70 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 20.182 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.76 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.591 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.312 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.513 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.077 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, finally, first, firstly, hence, if, regarding, second, secondly, so, then, third, thirdly, thus, in conclusion, as a result
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 10.0 19.6327345309 51% => More to be verbs wanted.
Auxiliary verbs: 13.0 12.9520958084 100% => OK
Conjunction : 12.0 11.1786427146 107% => OK
Relative clauses : 9.0 13.6137724551 66% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 22.0 28.8173652695 76% => OK
Preposition: 64.0 55.5748502994 115% => OK
Nominalization: 18.0 16.3942115768 110% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2349.0 2260.96107784 104% => OK
No of words: 444.0 441.139720559 101% => OK
Chars per words: 5.29054054054 5.12650576532 103% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.5903493882 4.56307096286 101% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.97710860999 2.78398813304 107% => OK
Unique words: 206.0 204.123752495 101% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.463963963964 0.468620217663 99% => OK
syllable_count: 741.6 705.55239521 105% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.7 1.59920159681 106% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 6.0 4.96107784431 121% => OK
Article: 11.0 8.76447105788 126% => OK
Subordination: 0.0 2.70958083832 0% => More adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 1.0 1.67365269461 60% => OK
Preposition: 9.0 4.22255489022 213% => Less preposition wanted as sentence beginnings.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 22.0 19.7664670659 111% => OK
Sentence length: 20.0 22.8473053892 88% => OK
Sentence length SD: 44.9133463203 57.8364921388 78% => OK
Chars per sentence: 106.772727273 119.503703932 89% => OK
Words per sentence: 20.1818181818 23.324526521 87% => OK
Discourse Markers: 6.09090909091 5.70786347227 107% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 0.0 5.25449101796 0% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 9.0 8.20758483034 110% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 7.0 6.88822355289 102% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 6.0 4.67664670659 128% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.243319879514 0.218282227539 111% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0800611827973 0.0743258471296 108% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0619573267287 0.0701772020484 88% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.153641710495 0.128457276422 120% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0704404785844 0.0628817314937 112% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 13.6 14.3799401198 95% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 42.72 48.3550499002 88% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 12.3 12.197005988 101% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.4 12.5979740519 106% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.43 8.32208582834 101% => OK
difficult_words: 107.0 98.500998004 109% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 11.5 12.3882235529 93% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.0 11.1389221557 90% => OK
text_standard: 14.0 11.9071856287 118% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.