The following is a recommendation from the Board of Directors of Monarch Books.
"We recommend that Monarch Books open a café in its store. Monarch, having been in business at the same location for more than twenty years, has a large customer base because it is known for its wide selection of books on all subjects. Clearly, opening the café would attract more customers. Space could be made for the café by discontinuing the children's book section, which will probably become less popular given that the most recent national census indicated a significant decline in the percentage of the population under age ten. Opening a café will allow Monarch to attract more customers and better compete with Regal Books, which recently opened its own café."
Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation is likely to have the predicted result. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.
In the passage, the Board of Directors of Monarch Books recommends an opening a café in its store. This recommendation is based on the premises that this opening will attract more customers and the company will able to compete with Regal Books which recently opened its own café. However, on deeper analysis, it is apparent that certain relevant aspects have not been taken into consideration, leading to a number of mistaken assumptions and logical flaws.
One such flaw is the assumption that the opening of a café in the store of Monarch Books will attract more customers. It is possible that the royal customers of this company prefer their library of the quiet that enjoy in the store as selecting their adorable books. A possible café would cause a noisy atmosphere with a lot of disturbance on the customers who want their time to make the best purchase for them. In order to strengthen the recommendation, the Board of Directors should present a recent research among the customers who would demonstrate indeed that the majority of the customers are excited for a café in the store.
Moreover, the board is wrongly based on the correlation that the estimated decline on the population under age ten will lead to a decrease in the preference of the children books. Even if the population will really declined in the next years, the demand of books for children could remain stable or be augmented as the new generation could have as a daily habit the reading. To overcome this flaw, the Board of Directors should make a reference to a research which would depict a possible lack of interest in reading on the new generation as the majority of population under age prefer other activities like computer gaming.
The Board of Directors also is incorrectly concludes that the fact that also Regal Books opened their café create the necessity for the company to make the same step. Though, customers may evaluate the value of the book stores according with the variety and quality of the books and not the presence of a café.
After closer examination of the passage presented, it is apparent that there are several logical flaws. The recommendations in the essay show how the board’s suggestion may be strengthened and made more logically sound.
Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.5 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 14 15
No. of Words: 383 350
No. of Characters: 1839 1500
No. of Different Words: 180 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.424 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.802 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.663 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 119 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 99 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 69 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 43 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 27.357 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.107 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.429 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.378 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.64 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.104 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 2, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...istaken assumptions and logical flaws. One such flaw is the assumption that the...
^^^^^^^^
Line 2, column 502, Rule ID: A_UNCOUNTABLE[3]
Message: Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply 'recent research'.
Suggestion: recent research
..., the Board of Directors should present a recent research among the customers who would demonstra...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...s are excited for a café in the store. Moreover, the board is wrongly based on ...
^^^^^^^^
Line 4, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...other activities like computer gaming. The Board of Directors also is incorrect...
^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...books and not the presence of a café. After closer examination of the passage ...
^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, however, if, may, moreover, really, so, then
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 12.0 19.6327345309 61% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 14.0 12.9520958084 108% => OK
Conjunction : 6.0 11.1786427146 54% => More conjunction wanted.
Relative clauses : 14.0 13.6137724551 103% => OK
Pronoun: 24.0 28.8173652695 83% => OK
Preposition: 59.0 55.5748502994 106% => OK
Nominalization: 16.0 16.3942115768 98% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1882.0 2260.96107784 83% => OK
No of words: 383.0 441.139720559 87% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 4.9138381201 5.12650576532 96% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.42384287591 4.56307096286 97% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.71739984948 2.78398813304 98% => OK
Unique words: 180.0 204.123752495 88% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.469973890339 0.468620217663 100% => OK
syllable_count: 593.1 705.55239521 84% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 4.0 4.96107784431 81% => OK
Article: 8.0 8.76447105788 91% => OK
Subordination: 2.0 2.70958083832 74% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 5.0 4.22255489022 118% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 14.0 19.7664670659 71% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 27.0 22.8473053892 118% => OK
Sentence length SD: 42.2263700373 57.8364921388 73% => OK
Chars per sentence: 134.428571429 119.503703932 112% => OK
Words per sentence: 27.3571428571 23.324526521 117% => OK
Discourse Markers: 3.57142857143 5.70786347227 63% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 5.0 5.25449101796 95% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 11.0 8.20758483034 134% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 1.0 6.88822355289 15% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 2.0 4.67664670659 43% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.337387227012 0.218282227539 155% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.124989626649 0.0743258471296 168% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.119367394577 0.0701772020484 170% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.183625393069 0.128457276422 143% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.104333484337 0.0628817314937 166% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 15.4 14.3799401198 107% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 52.53 48.3550499002 109% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 12.6 12.197005988 103% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.49 12.5979740519 91% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.23 8.32208582834 99% => OK
difficult_words: 79.0 98.500998004 80% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 10.5 12.3882235529 85% => OK
gunning_fog: 12.8 11.1389221557 115% => OK
text_standard: 13.0 11.9071856287 109% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 58.33 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.5 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.