Hospital statistics regarding people who go to the emergency room after roller-skating accidents indicate the need for more protective equipment. Within that group of people, 75 percent of those who had accidents in streets or parking lots had not been wearing any protective clothing (helmets, knee pads, etc.) or any light-reflecting material (clip-on lights, glow-in-the-dark wrist pads, etc.). Clearly, the statistics indicate that by investing in high-quality protective gear and reflective equipment, roller skaters will greatly reduce their risk of being severely injured in an accident
The author of the argument claims that there is need for more protective equipment to reduce the rolloer-skating accidents. To buttress his/her argument, the author cites the following evidences: first, hospital statistics shows that 75 percent of those had accidents in streets or parking lots has not been wearing any protective clothing or light-reflecting material; second, by investing those equipment, roller skaters will greatly reduce the risk of injury. Tough the issue has its own merit, due to lack of relevant evidences and unaddressed assumptions, the conclusion is unsubstantiated and flawed.
To begin with, the report from hospital statistics does not necessarily indicate the direct inverse relationship between accidents in roller skating and the usage of protective equipment. even if 75 percent of those in accidents were not been protective, we are not given the detailed description of those peple. if the sample size is too small, the percentage cannot tell the full story. we are not given the information about the severity of the injury. Since protective equipment can only reduce the risk of sever injury, if all the accidents are not serious, then nothing will change with the appreace of protective equipemnt.
what's more, many other factors leading to the injury remian unexamed. For example, if the most of these people who got injuried are beginners to roller skating, then main factor should be their skill instead of protective equipment. it is plausible that even though all of them were high-quality protective gear, because of their unsophisticated skill and technique, the percentage of accidents stay the same. The accidents, in addition, take place in streey or parking lots, which are dangerous due to high volume of cars. injuried can be resulted from inattention of drivers or unsafe actions. Without excluding all other factors leading to the accident, it is fallacious to suggest the casual effect between accidents and protective equipment.
Moreover, investing in high-quality protective gear and reflective equipment might not contribute to alleviating the risk of being severely injured in an accident. what if the risk is reduced by only one percentage? then, it is not convincing to advocate the usage of protective equipemnt. The source and credibility of statistics remain untested. it is possible that after wearing protetive gear, roller skaters develop the illusion that they would not be injured seriously, so that become careless and engage in more perilous behaviors. In this case, more sever accidents actually will happen. The author also fails to mention the potential harm owing to the light-relecting material. those like clip-on light perhaps will interven the normal driving and cause negative effect on the city distribution. Last but not least, the author fails to mention other possible solutions to this problem. For instance, every roller skater need to take the training course and pass exams to get the certificate to skate. courses and tests can make them realize the significance of safety and be more cautious.
To sum up, as it stands, the conclusion is based on several problematic assumptions that curtail the credibility of argument. To further strengthen the validility, the author is suggested to include the evidences as follows: first, the detailed report of every patient in the accidents and the main reason of their injury should be provided; second, the author should give the results and comparison due to the use of protective equipment, probably by precise investigation from experts; finally, the stastic offered in the memo is persuasive and the risk can be indeed reduced a lot.
Comments
Essay evaluation report
argument 1 -- the sample size here is not 75%, but just one group of people. Maybe another group of people has different story.
argument 2 -- OK
argument 3 -- OK
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.5 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 17 15
No. of Words: 582 350
No. of Characters: 3022 1500
No. of Different Words: 280 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.912 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.192 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.821 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 235 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 180 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 127 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 88 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 34.235 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 19.495 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.765 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.325 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.548 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.111 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 392, Rule ID: THIS_NNS[2]
Message: Did you mean 'this equipment' or 'those equipments'?
Suggestion: this equipment; those equipments
...flecting material; second, by investing those equipment, roller skaters will greatly reduce the...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 189, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Even
... and the usage of protective equipment. even if 75 percent of those in accidents wer...
^^^^
Line 3, column 314, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: If
...he detailed description of those peple. if the sample size is too small, the perce...
^^
Line 3, column 390, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: We
... percentage cannot tell the full story. we are not given the information about the...
^^
Line 5, column 1, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Whats
...e appreace of protective equipemnt. whats more, many other factors leading to the...
^^^^^
Line 5, column 1, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: what's
...e appreace of protective equipemnt. whats more, many other factors leading to the...
^^^^^
Line 5, column 234, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: It
... skill instead of protective equipment. it is plausible that even though all of th...
^^
Line 5, column 525, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Injuried
...e dangerous due to high volume of cars. injuried can be resulted from inattention of dri...
^^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 165, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: What
... being severely injured in an accident. what if the risk is reduced by only one perc...
^^^^
Line 7, column 217, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Then
...risk is reduced by only one percentage? then, it is not convincing to advocate the u...
^^^^
Line 7, column 244, Rule ID: ALLOW_TO[1]
Message: Did you mean 'advocating'? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'convince' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
Suggestion: advocating
... percentage? then, it is not convincing to advocate the usage of protective equipemnt. The ...
^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 349, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: It
...dibility of statistics remain untested. it is possible that after wearing protetiv...
^^
Line 7, column 688, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Those
... owing to the light-relecting material. those like clip-on light perhaps will interve...
^^^^^
Line 7, column 1012, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Courses
... exams to get the certificate to skate. courses and tests can make them realize the sig...
^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
actually, also, but, finally, first, if, moreover, second, so, then, for example, for instance, in addition, in fact, to begin with, to sum up
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 27.0 19.6327345309 138% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 16.0 12.9520958084 124% => OK
Conjunction : 20.0 11.1786427146 179% => OK
Relative clauses : 9.0 13.6137724551 66% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 31.0 28.8173652695 108% => OK
Preposition: 77.0 55.5748502994 139% => OK
Nominalization: 21.0 16.3942115768 128% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 3104.0 2260.96107784 137% => OK
No of words: 581.0 441.139720559 132% => OK
Chars per words: 5.34251290878 5.12650576532 104% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.90957651803 4.56307096286 108% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.90863742035 2.78398813304 104% => OK
Unique words: 295.0 204.123752495 145% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.507745266781 0.468620217663 108% => OK
syllable_count: 974.7 705.55239521 138% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.7 1.59920159681 106% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 7.0 4.96107784431 141% => OK
Article: 15.0 8.76447105788 171% => OK
Subordination: 8.0 2.70958083832 295% => Less adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 10.0 4.22255489022 237% => Less preposition wanted as sentence beginnings.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 27.0 19.7664670659 137% => OK
Sentence length: 21.0 22.8473053892 92% => OK
Sentence length SD: 86.9807698344 57.8364921388 150% => OK
Chars per sentence: 114.962962963 119.503703932 96% => OK
Words per sentence: 21.5185185185 23.324526521 92% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.25925925926 5.70786347227 92% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 14.0 5.25449101796 266% => Less language errors wanted.
Sentences with positive sentiment : 2.0 8.20758483034 24% => More positive sentences wanted.
Sentences with negative sentiment : 19.0 6.88822355289 276% => Less negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 6.0 4.67664670659 128% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.289051283876 0.218282227539 132% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0637727645832 0.0743258471296 86% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0715438816859 0.0701772020484 102% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.15975550475 0.128457276422 124% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0792789005028 0.0628817314937 126% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 14.5 14.3799401198 101% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 41.7 48.3550499002 86% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 12.7 12.197005988 104% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.69 12.5979740519 109% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.67 8.32208582834 104% => OK
difficult_words: 147.0 98.500998004 149% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 14.5 12.3882235529 117% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.4 11.1389221557 93% => OK
text_standard: 15.0 11.9071856287 126% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 75.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.5 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.